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New to poetry, plz help me improve this.

CowgirlBri posted this thread...
Jan. 23, 2013 at 6:19 pm

Teenage love,
It's like a dove,
so sweet and gentle,
but it flies away.
It never seems to last,
he becomes a thing of the past,
he stops texting you every moment of the day,
you lay in wait on your bed,
your heart feels like sinking lead.
Why isn't he replying?
Is it over?
Does he still love you?
Why is your love and hunger of him dying?
These thoughts flying about your head.
Then one night he texts you,
you read it slowly,
he says its over,
but why doesn't it hurt?
Are you a cold heartless creature?
Why is teenage love so short?
Why does the dove fly away?
You lay and wonder in your bed.

I made this because of my recent break up with my Boyifreind. I'm not really a poem writer so it's a bit sloppy do to inexperience, plus im not a good rhymer. Please help me improve this! :)

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Kbuschan replied...
Jan. 23, 2013 at 7:35 pm

I think it's just fine especially for you to admit that you are new to it. Um just the "he says its over" , you need an apostrophe. Also, I think you'll feel much better about this piece if you ended it and started it with the same sentence, like using your closing sentence at the top as well before Teenage love. 

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thegirlnamed24 replied...
Jan. 23, 2013 at 8:14 pm

This is really good! Its something so hard that everyone struggles and you captred it beautiful. I am new to writing poetry to.

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CowgirlBri replied...
Jan. 23, 2013 at 8:22 pm

Teenage love,
It's like a dove,
so sweet and gentle,
but it flies away.
It never seems to last,
he becomes a thing of the past,
he stops texting you every moment of the day,
you lay in wait on your bed,
your heart feels like sinking lead.
Why isn't he replying?
Is it over?
Does he still love you?
Why is your love and hunger of him dying?
These thoughts flying about your head.
Then one night he texts you,
you read it slowly,
he says its over',
but why doesn't it hurt?
Are you a cold heartless creature?
Why is teenage love so short?
Why does the dove fly away?
Does it go to greener lands?
You lay and wonder on your bed.
Teenage love,
It's like a dove,
so sweet and gentle,
but it flies away.


Is that better? And thanks you guys. :D

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HeatherSemb replied...
Jan. 23, 2013 at 10:15 pm

I thoughlt this was really good because it came from a real experience. Don't say you aren't a poet because I think you are very good. All poems don't need to rhyme, just let the words flow through you and you"ll be fine. You are right, teenage love is way too short! Love the poem (: If you want, maybe you can give me some feedback on some of my poems because I'm new to this site. Thanks!

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CowgirlBri replied...
Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:51 am

Thanks and I will.

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Nicksamson replied...
Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:18 pm

I like the poem . I like the way you first start with  philosophical stuff and then come to the point where you reveal the purpose of writing the poem i.e come to the practical stuff. and i don't think u need to rhyme any poem . it just looks as good.
I am also new to this and would really appreciate your views on my only poem.

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CowgirlBri replied...
Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:38 pm

Thanks and already did. :)

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CowgirlBri replied...
Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:07 pm

Should I submit this or any more suggestions?

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