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> Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Poetry & Lyrics > Hi, I'm new here! Please give feedback on my poem.
Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:10 am
Hello! I've just started to post things here, and I was wondering if any body would give me some feed back on a poem I wrote last night.
Behind those deep eyes
Contains a soul much more pure than mine
I try to get over it
But my mind and heart won’t quit
What was my plan of action?
Suffer in silence
Or let you know how I feel
I fill myself with false hope
But this is my problem
My mind is the pessimist
But my heart is the optimist
Constant battles of “what if” or “maybe if” plague my mind
I try to be rational
But my heart screams louder than my mind
All for one reason
My petty little heartbreak.
Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:47 pm
Honest opinion? It was okay. It needs work though, (excuse the rhyme), it doesn't really flow. I mean, it might when you read it but every poem should have a rhthym and I couldn't feel this one. Perhaps keep the lines shoter and repeat words as in "but my heart screams louder, louder than my mind." Just a suggestion, keep at it!
Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:44 am
Actually, I thought this was really good. I like the contrast between mind and heart and also how it flows nicely. Keep writing:)
Feb. 2, 2013 at 2:46 pm
I really liked this! My favorite lines are about your mind and heart fighting over POV's of the world. I really like that concept. Great job.
Feb. 4, 2013 at 4:51 am
I really enjoyed reading this! I enjoy the contrast of your heart and mind very much as well! It provides a true viewpoint that I know many people, especially teens, face on a day to day basis! I just started posting on here as well! and in fact, I just made my threads today! I would appreciate anything you have to say about them!
