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READ THIS FOR FREE FEEDBACK OR INTERESTING ARTICLES

Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:03 pm

I really think I like afar feelings the best too. i think what inspired this poem was forgivness. I know that sounds kind of weird, but when I was holding grudges against people these were the feelings I had to deal with. But when I decided to forgive tese people wh ohurt me then all of those feelings vanished. This poem is just kind of talking about how these feelings left. When I posted this poem in a collabrative forum I came with an alternative ending. Here I will post it below. In "I asked" I was having a very hard time figuring out a rhyme scheme. So in the end I just turned it into a free verse with a couple of lines that rhyme. I would have loved to add some better vocabulary, but it was hard for me to find words that would flow with the rhtym of the poem. My true purpose for "Classifed" was a haiku. I really couldent deal wit that 5 and 7 syllables thing though.  So I just turned it into a short free verse. "The midnight castle" was kind of a representation of how people hide things from each other, and the pain it causes. 
 
Here is the alternate ending for "Afar Feelings": 
 
Depression and sorrow are far

they drove away in my car

with them traveled anger and pain

waving goodbye from the window pane.

On the northbound train travel

fear and abuse

they hitch a ride on the caboose.

The back to back flights are booked with

anxieties, and sob stories

the people ask me "are you okay?"

My mothers invisible hand comes to shoo them away

Grandma's arms envelope me

but I can't feel anything close to glee

I recall my mother's smile

but it's gone in the snap of a second

As she is judged by the ignorant people surrounding us.  

Laughter also has gone. It is followed by joy and peace.  

I must bid farewell to love and serenity, for they withdrawing from my company.  

Some frown and say, "she's so different"  

but I know that their only frightened.  

These feelings are afar, but still remembered in my heart.

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 9, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Which do you like better?

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3dancerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 2:46 pm

Hey,:) Could you cheak out my poem the sirens song? I would really apreciate it. I really need feedback and I want to get better so don't be afraid to be honest. 

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 10, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Sure, just so you know I will be brutaly honest lol

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ILuvBritishBoysThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 11, 2013 at 11:30 am

hey could you please comment and rate on some of my poems I would really appreciate the feedback. Thank you :)

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 11, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Yup I can do that :)

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Jan. 13, 2013 at 6:36 am

Could you review/rate Tea and Coffee please? Thanks :)

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RolledthestoneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 13, 2013 at 1:38 pm

I think I liked the first one, the other ending strays too far from the theme of personification. I mean, the transition was good but if you're going to use feelings and give them characteristics of people, I think it's best to see that throughout the whole poem so that it holds it together better. Loved I Asked. Could you rate some of my work?

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nmk1128 replied...
Jan. 13, 2013 at 4:29 pm

Could you please check out one of my poems and let me know what you think? I'd really appreciate it (:

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:41 am

Yes I can check out everyones work. 

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Lawless-FlameRoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 16, 2013 at 2:55 pm

could you check out my poem lost in the moment and comment or rate some of my other please

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:20 pm

Yes Sure si fine whatever anytime okey dokey!

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 19, 2013 at 5:22 pm

I like that poem!

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:33 pm

That was really great!!!!!!!!

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Lawless-FlameRoseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:14 am

My poem Scars

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Nicksamson replied...
Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:21 am

I liked ur poem 'I asked' the most. i really appreciate ur rhyming skills. I think  this poem should have had a happy ending. perhaps u could add someone who did give u the 'chance'.

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Nicksamson replied...
Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:24 am

Hey! can u check out my poem 'my mind'  . pls be honest and give ur sincerest feedback. i would be obliged to you.

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:15 pm

Sure! but I really didn't want the the poem to have a happy ending, to clihe if you know what I mean. 

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mnm08This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:26 pm

hey could u comment on mine pls, the link is TeenInk.com/poetry/all/article/535572/The-World-Is-Empty/ :) thanks

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:58 am

Yes of course!

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