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bluelollipop506 posted this thread...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:44 pm

so I wrote this about Sandy Hook but there are six verses so I'm wondering if you think I should combine the first and second, third and fourth, and the fifth and sixth or not.  also any other feedback would be great!
 
Chorus:
I remember this morning clear as day

I left you at the bus stop as always

Saying I love you

And you said so too

That was the last thing I heard

From your dimpled face

Now you're just a little girl in heaven
 
Verse 1:
Oh, the minister broke the news to me

Offered me a hot cup of tea

But the lump in my throat

And the disbelief

I couldn't say take it away please

Cause you're not here to share it with me

Why didn't you come home?
CHORUS
Verse 2:
Well my closet's stacked full with christmas presents

But I'll never see your face light up again

The wrapping paper

Left on forever

The man said to give him your gifts

Help those still alive in need

I'm still waiting for you to come home
CHORUS
Verse 3:
They gave me your backpack and sent me on my way

I opened your lunch and found a PB&J

Cheerios

Your last meal

And the box is still half full in our pantry

You're the only one that ate them but they're still there

I'm still waiting for you to come home
CHORUS
Verse 4:
The man down the street built you an angel

The colors are right but the face is wrong

You're an angel

Just 5 years old

But I guess you must be happy up there floating around

Your teachers will be there for you like they are now

But that means you're not coming home
CHORUS
Verse 5:
I can't be alone in this teary-eyed battle

26 other people went with you today

I'm not alone

We're not alone

You're safe where you are but you're still missed

We'll get through somehow but it's hard cause

I'm still waiting for you to come home
CHORUS
Verse 6:

I'll be asking myself why my whole life

Because you had 5 years and I had 40

5 birthday cakes

Never another

Because you've moved on, gone way up there

And I might not see you for another 50 years

But God will take care of you till I come home
CHORUS
Outro:

Ooh in heaven

See you there someday

I'll bring a teddy bear

And say

I love you

And you'll say so too

We'll be together in heaven

When I come home

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Signed_DK replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:06 pm

What I'm wondering is what the tune is. That is what determines whether you put together the first and second verse.

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I really love the lyrics to this song, but the verses do not flow together it feels like they all have different tunes. I really have to know what the musoc would sound like in order to know if you shouldcombine them together or not. 

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bluelollipop506 replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 10:11 pm

i was thinking of the melody of the verses as kind of similar to the verses in mary's song by taylor swift but with some differences...its kind of hard to explain....i think i like it better this way i just don't know if repeating the chorus 6 times is a great idea.

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Alright, I can see that. I think that maybe if you do the chorus every other verse that would be better. 

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