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Confuzzled5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. posted this thread...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 12:05 am

Messed Up
 
Recently,
I got really messed up.
I don't know why,
And I doubt this warning will be enough.
I might avoid looking at you,
I might freak out when you're around.
I might flinch when you are next to me,
Truth is,
I might do anything,
So you might decide to stay away,
And that's okay.
If you stick around,
I'd like to say,
I'm sorry,
I'm really messed up

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Dec. 28, 2012 at 1:29 pm

This is good. If your trying to rhyme, work harder on that, if your trying to get a really big feeling of emtion, work on that too. But its cool i like it. can u read my poem inside the body

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Confuzzled5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Actually, I wasn't trying to rhyme, it just ended up that way.... I was trying to basically write a letter to my friend in the form of a poem, because you see, I had a super crazy nightmare about her last week, and I haven't seen her since then because of winter break, so I don't know what will happen...

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Confuzzled5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 2:18 pm

And your poem was great! I love how you began with the actual body, then moved into the symbolism behind it with such passion.  The only critism I might have would be the beginning didn't catch my eye, in other words, if I were scrolling through poems, I probably would have skipped yours, because I didn't see the passion that was in the end.

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LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:29 pm

No, I dissagree with Kitten, I don't think this one needs alot of emotion. Its akward, and for once, that fits. Having a nightmare about a friend is the worst, when your with that friend, your not openly emotional, your stiff and akward. You feel messed up and not at all yourself. I actually like how it gradually moves into rhymes, like your gaining momentum, thawing out a little bit as you confess your not allright today. I love it. I had a dream about a friend dying once, and in the dream it was my fault, I wish this poem was around for me to read then.

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LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Oh! I forgot to say that the phrase in the second line, "I got messed up," is a little TOO akward. It implies dru.g use, not dreams, not facing something disturbing. How about "Recently,/ Something messed me up."

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KimKendrickThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:38 pm

That is a WAY better line, thank you! Btw, I'm Confuzzled5... In the dream, all my friends were being tortured and I couldn't do anything about it, then I was given the chance to take their place, and I did. I was then tortured, and my friends all laughed at me the whole time, I felt so alone... After what felt like hours of relentless torture, my friend ____ was in front of me, and I begged her to help me. She took out a gun, and watched me scream until my voice cracked, then she looked me in the eye, laughed, and shot me...

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