Advanced Search
Facebook MySpace Twitter Youtube


Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Writing Course

Facebook Activity



Teen Ink on Twitter

Teen Ink
teenink

TeenInk "I'm a firm believer in Karma." - Emma Watson in Sofia Coppola's The Bling Ring featured at Cannes Film Festival... http://t.co/AtwVoR8xyT

Wed May 15, 2013 1:13pm  Reply  Retweet  Favorite

TeenInk "If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it — I might be writing in my dreams." http://t.co/0FUP7fyJcB

Tue May 14, 2013 12:37pm  Reply  Retweet  Favorite

TeenInk When is it time to kill off a character? http://t.co/xktQFGLRGx

Mon May 13, 2013 8:59am  Reply  Retweet  Favorite

Follow Teen Ink on Twitter »

Home > Forums > Writers' Workshop Forums > Poetry & Lyrics > what do you think of my poem?

Writers' Workshop Forums

Where teen writers share their work
   
Next thread » « Previous thread

what do you think of my poem?

Report abuse
Need help? Here are some resources
purplehani posted this thread...
Dec. 20, 2012 at 6:45 pm

 
Charm Bracelet
When I got the contract
to perform each year
It made a huge impact
when he let out a cheer
 
He gave me a chain
that would do no harm
We kissed in the rain
He was my lucky charm
 
He said when I sang
the angels were jealous
His voice made a clang
The birds would cuss
 
Before my performance
I got a call
He died by chance
I didn’t sing at all
 
The night he was late
He died by a car
And now I hate
all music stars

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Report abuse
Confuzzled5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I like it, but it is confusing the way you said you got a call about it, then it said he was late, like you just found out or something. Other than that I really like it. Could you comment on one of my poems? You can get to them by clicking on my Username.

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Report abuse
Angelic_Kitten_Guenyth replied...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Its ok. It really got my attention when he died so good job:) can you please read my poem called inside the body?

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Report abuse
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:20 pm

weeeell..... It was good, as a start, the verse about angels being jealous and birds cussing? it was funny, but didn't fit. It was akward, too. Not the sentiment, that the boy loved to joke and praised the speaker by being down on himself, thats good; that's quirky, the type of thing a person would remeber when they jost lost someone. But it might need work. Just my thought, though.

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Report abuse
LoudDreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 8:21 pm

could you take a look at some of the poems under my name?

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread
Report abuse
purplehani replied...
Jan. 3 at 3:44 pm

You guys are all right, this definitly needs some work. I wrote this poem for school so some of the required things were in stanza 3. Could you look at my poem "wih you"? I would rather focus on revising that.

Reply to this Thread Post a new Thread

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback