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The Servant (Please tell me what you think!)

Cuzziebear posted this thread...
Nov. 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I have suffered foolish burden
And hear sweetly foul threats
I pray now;
No more amazement-
Comfort as fresh as nature be my magic apple
Rest as sweet as life take me
Peace bring me joy
Yet I sense the sound of a man besting sleepy shackles
Swim, bark, hail five fingers kissed by my lips
A man asleep on his own island ushers me
Hush now, and heigh my hearts:
It is time to descend

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kallieisawesome replied...
Nov. 27, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I like this poem.  I think it's interesting that you used one stanza instead of multiple stanzas.  Check out my poetry if you can thanksss.

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sakina replied...
Nov. 28, 2012 at 4:34 am

Its good , i like it.

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Nov. 30, 2012 at 5:01 pm

This is good! Can you read my poem "Inside the Body" Please?

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Cuzziebear replied...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Sure :)
 

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Sparkle1popsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Dec. 7, 2012 at 2:00 am

I like this, but it sounded a bit choppy if you know what I mean. Try adding some more words to better explain your ideas.

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