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My first rap/freestyle poem

Aleks_K posted this thread...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 6:29 pm

I've submitted this rap/poem (I really don't know to make of it). Personally Im just dying to know what you all think of it. I also think it sounds cooler if you add a beat. If you liked it...totally cool! I'm writing another one similar but more funny about girls (bros you'll love it and relate; girls you'll think its funny in a "exscuse me" kind of way but still like it. So heres my first one, hit me back what you think. And of cource add me as a friend! Yo God I don’t mean to be calling this late
I know you’ve been busy all day
Cleaning up our mess
Because some don’t got respect

People building mansions
Putting up ugly gas stations
Stinking up the world
With poverty and war, you hearing this Lord?

You don’t worry about me taking up space
I’m alright living in the alleyway
But that won’t stop me from looking up
Away from this dump
Wishing I could get what I want in a jump
But life aint living like Donald Trump
Or I wouldn’t be busting my hump writing this junk

Back to my point
I’m through living my life off a joint
I’m sick and tired of what I’m seeing
And I’m starting to give up on believing

My older sis was the best
She had Russian blood
But she lived life like one big test
And now her face is in the mud

She failed
No, she bailed
Maybe that’s the difference
It’s one big serendipitous
Moment to be proud, and glad, and even hurt
To remind us our mistakes don’t make us dirt.
Makes us human
And you’re there loomin.
Remember Gaga’s famous words
While she’s there groovin
God makes no mistakes
We are PERFECT
Think like that, cause its correct
At least for God’s sake

I remember when I had a big smile
My girlfriend was on speed dial
We were all chill
We didn’t know anything about the blue or red pill
Everyone made love
Life was like a single white dove

Now all I have are memories
A whole lot of stories
I’m broke
Ready to choke
On what?
Take your pick
I’m fully sick
Sick of life and strife
And in my hands this ugly knife
I’m close to taking this plunge
Why is my life cursed like the Grudge?

I know before I said where perfect
But that was a little distorted
Cause we are all full of flaws
Like our damn government laws
We do things to look cool
But in the end were all fools
Until we make a change
It’s a little strange
To think we are better than a lion
At least the lion is trying
While we are busy lying
Sound a little prettifying?
Good
Then I got in your head
So why haven’t you stood?
To be a changer
Even if it means running through danger

Yo God I don’t mean to be calling so late
I know you’ve been busy all day
Cleaning up our mess
Because some don’t got respect
But I’m saying this with eagerness
That they deep down are trying hard
To be a part
And fully make use of their heart

Yo God I don’t mean to be calling so late
I know you’ve been busy all day
I’m gonna do fine cause it’s our fate
That’s all I got to say.

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madman582 replied...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 8:37 pm

u need a lil bit more work on it

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Dec. 28, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Its ok. But you added the most important part. Adding the moral. Can you please -if you dont mind- read my poem called "Inside the body"

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