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ISeeTheStars posted this thread...
Oct. 7, 2013 at 7:05 pm

im just... Confused. About my sexuality, to be honest. i hate admitting it, but i just dont know about anything anymore. i like guys, but im attracted to girls, but i dont want to date anyone because of a relationship that ended badly, and now im scared. but im also afraid that im only being pushed to girls because of the ended relationship... uhm... help?

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Jubilex replied...
Oct. 8, 2013 at 4:17 am

Being afraid after a bad relationship/breakup is normal. It's going to take time for that to change.
As for the se.xuality part. I'm not sure what your thoughts on se.xuality are, but I know my understanding was pretty limited when I was in high school. People often think of se.xuality as a three point system, or a bunch of labels. Ga.y, straight, bi, and sometimes other se.xualities are included in the list. I used to think this way, but now I see se.xuality as more of a spectrum. If someone is mostly heterose.xual, but displays some homose.xual tendencies, then that doesn't necessarily make them ga.y or bi.
I'm female. I consider myself straight. I relate to that label the most. But I can also be very attracted to women. It's less prominent than with men and I don't see myself having a relationship with another female. So, in practice, I'm still pretty straight. But that doesn't take away from those other feelings of attraction that I have.
As for what you're feeling, I suggest you take some time to learn about it. It's not like you have to figure out a se.xuality now and stick with it forever. See what you find interesting about girls, and what you like about boys, and whether you feel like you could have a relationship with both. And if you want to be with a girl, then there's no harm in giving it a try, as long as you're honest with the other person about your uncertainty.

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ISeeTheStars replied...
Oct. 9, 2013 at 1:08 pm

That helps a lot, really. Like, ive had one relationship with a girl, and i thought she really liked me, but then she would never text me back, or id ask if i could call her and shed say she never got the text. so it was really frustrating, so i ended it, thinking we could still talk, and whatever, but shes completely ignored me. and to be honest, only two of my friends know that i think im bi. and they are both bi, also. im completely honest about it, if you ask. but no one has, so i dont say anything.
anyways, i felt the same way you do at first, like im straight, but attracted to both genders, but its slowly escalating to i really like both, and i just keep getting hurt by guys, you know? and my parents are so against it, so i cant tell them, and to be honest, its suffocating. i wish i could just come out and tell my family.

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Jubilex replied...
Oct. 9, 2013 at 8:18 pm

Okay, cool.
I'm sorry that your relationships with guys have caused you so much hurt. Not all guys are dic.ks, but some are. Same goes with women actually. But I can understand how being hurt over and over by guys would make you resistant to them. As I said in my first reply, you might need some time to get past what's happened.
It's a shame about your parents. Hopefully you can tell them one day. But if it's going to be detrimental to you in any serious way (that is, when living at home, your parents have a lot more control over what you do), then it might be better to hold off on telling them.

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Oct. 15, 2013 at 4:36 pm

My best friend is bi. She also can't tell her parents because she is afraid that they will judge her and what not. I told her what I am going to tell you: write them a letter maybe when you are comfortable with it. Telling them through writing instead of to their face is alot easier. Break it to them slowly maybe, or introduce the idea, or say hynothetically, if i were bi, what would your reaction be? Or make it a health question and you ask them, "how would you react if I told you I am Bi," and what not. It might work.
Also, as far as being confued if you like both or not, the only way to really know is to experiment with both and see if you are Bi or bicurious which isnt a bad thing.. Alot of people are curious about what it would be like to have "it" with the same gender or to kiss someone of the same gender. It's not bad, and in fact, i think that it is normal sine you went through a bad breakup.

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brb00bookworm replied...
Nov. 7, 2013 at 7:56 pm

i can't say i know what you're going through but i can say that i know there will always be someone there to help. and it is better to admit it than let it get all bottled up inside and then let out your frustrations out on someone you love. this i know for a fact.here is a tip, just be you, and don't let someone tell you who you are

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