At the age of 13 (back in 2010) I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. It affects pretty much every joint in my body. Trying to deal with being diagnosed with a chronic illness and all the pain I was in, I became very depressed and superly anxious (I already had minor anxiety problems before). I was put on arthritis medication and an antidepressant, and for a while was doing better.
Then about a year later I started getting drastically worse again. In addition to joint pain, I also had unexplainable rashes, stomach pains, anemia, and fatigue. None of my medicine appeared to help me anymore. I had no energy or desire to eat and lost about 30 pounds. In truth, I also suffered from some anorexia (I saw nothing wrong with being sickly skinny, and even still imagined sometimes that I had fat rolls on my non-existent stomach). I finally got so bad that I had to spend a week in the hospital in March 2012. I couldn't walk, sit up, or even move out of bed on my own.
While I was in the hospital, my doctors figured out I also have another chronic illness called lupus. They put me on medicine for that too, but the medicine has lots of side effects. It made me gain back the 30 pounds I'd lost, along with 50 extra pounds. I still have issues of self-confidence with my body, which I think are actually worse now. I know that being fat doesn't equate to being unhealthy and that I'm really not very big (size 15). But still, when you go to the store and have to shop in a tiny section labeled plus size (if they even have clothes big enough to fit me at all), it's hard to remember that.
Arthritis and lupus don't have cures. This means I'll have them for the rest of my life. So...yeah. :/
Was bullied as a kid, peer abuse, grew up questioning my gender, physically female, identify as a guy. Get called dy.ke a lot, Mum passed away before I could tell her. Dad could care less. Um, dysfunctional family, depression. Not to mention mental issues.
I started cutting because my friend did. I didn't want her to be alone and needed an excuse if anyone found out. I started with knifes that were blunt so I'd have to press down deeply and run it back and forth. Then I started using the pencil sharpener blades. (They are the best). I havent cut since Sep.15 of 2011. I told my mom who thought the scars weren't deep enough and just took my blade necklace I made and wore to.bed.each day. I'd cut a little on my shoulder too. I have cut scars on my wrist. It was deep enough. Anyway, I haven't been diagnosed but I'm sure I'm bipolar. I'm extremely promisc uous. I chat se xually expli cit content with strangers, just like last night. I flirt with anyone who will take it. I finally learned how to let go. I don't want to die anymore. Most of the time I don't. I met this guy in my class recently and I think he likes me. I'll find out for sure tommorow,but he's sweet and deserves a great girl. I want to be that girl so he will be my motivation. Two years ago my mom had found some of the emails I was sending to a guy and called me a tramp. Later in the year she found some more emails and told me she didnt know if she could still love me. I know she didnt mean it but I still remember. It still hurts. One year ago, while I was.talking to my friend my dad wanted me to hurry up and.get in the car and.called me a stubborn donkey. I cried silently on the way home and apologized later on. I still remember even though I know he's sorry. It never really stops.hurting. About a month ago before I cut my hair a man I know told me my hairstyle made me look like an old lady and.I should change it. I always wanted to get my hair short.but his.comment made me do it two days later. I like my hair.now and he is a dumb old man. I am doing fairly well today/now, but i am still too promiscu ous.