Teen Ink on Twitter
I'm not the kind of person that likes to talk about my problems, I bottle everything up and try to get past it but there's not much more I can do. I've always had to work extra hard in my life to stay alive and just get by, but I think it only really got bad when I was twelve and was se.xually assaulted. It was brutal and I've never told anyone the details or reported it. There were three of them and they were satanists or witches or something judging by the blood and the weird language. I started doing hero.in shortly after that and my life just went down the crapper until a year or so ago when I got clean and got my GED. But I still have bizarre quirks and strange se.xual habits that are violent and self destructive. How can I get over everything without having to talk to a professional? I hate doctors man.
I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. Congrats on getting your GED though, that's great!
Professional help would be a really good idea, but if you want to try something else first... hmm. Do you keep a journal? Maybe write about who you want to be, and write all of the ways you try and get there every day. I think that can be really motivating for some people, especially if you focus on progress you do make instead of progress you wish you had made. Remember that you can change; that is always possible. I hope you get over everything the way you want to.
Congratulations of getting your GED! It's great to hear that you managed to straighten your life out and get back on track. You should be very proud of yourself!
As has been said, professional help can be a really good way to find the correct path for you. It doesn't even need to be a doctor. There are professional counsellors and psychologists out there that will focus more on the personal, emotional and behavioural aspects rather than any kind of med (they can't prescribe unless they're a psychiatrist. That is, a doctor).
But, if you'd rather not do that, I understand. I think you've already done a great job at identifying there is an issue and wanting to change it. The next part is taking steps towards improvement. Which, if I understand correctly, is where you've reached your difficulty.
There are lots of ways that you can go about this. I can list some if you'd like, but in the end it really does depend on you, and what you're like, as to which strategies or ideas will help you deal with these things and change them where you want to. Maybe think about the ways you like to face challenges or problems, and try coming up with a few ideas on how to deal with these ones based on that?
It's probably going to be a long process and involve some trial and error. It can be really difficult to change habits that have become so inbuilt into your behaviours, particularly if they're linked to painful experiences. I encourage you to be persistant, and to try and not get too discouraged if things take a lot of time to change, or are difficult to deal with. Best wishes with everything.
Professional help can be a scary idea, I know. It's the best way to resolve this sort of problem. I'm not just saying this, it's true. I've been through similar things (se.xual ab.use and such) and I never wanted to see a doctor ever. I didn't want them near me because I was convinced that I could fix it all on my own. Does any of this sound familiar to you?
Seeing a counselor is what I would recommend. I've been seeing one for about two years, and I've come a long way. It isn't scary after that first visit (though, I was lucky enough to get a wonderful counselor) so I would also suggest that maybe look online for a place near you with good reviews.
Even though I think this is what would be your best bet at resolving any issues I wish you luck in whatever you choose. It's hard to deal with. Goodluck.