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Self-harm and refusal to eat food

Queen_Of_Fiction posted this thread...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

So, I self-harm. And not just by cutting my wrist. I'll punch myself and hit myself; one time I even purposely slammed a door on my hand. I was able to stop with self-harm all together my sophomore year of high school.
 
But now, in the very beginning of my junior year of high school, my life has turned to sh*t. So I started self-harming again. And this time the cutting has gotten a little worse. Usually when I cut, it was just cuts that weren't very deep and only a few scarred. But now I quite literally draw blood. Not fountains of it though. Just enough that I look at my wrist and think, Wow. I should probably clean these up. I haven't started beating myself up again yet, so that's probably a good sign.
 
And, besides my self-harm issue, I stopped eating. Again. Food is literally so unappealing to me. My friends forced me to eat a cr.ac.ke.r and a half today in lunch. I felt nauseous within five minutes. i just don't want to eat anymore. If I even think I'm feeling hungry, I'll just pop in a piece of gum and chew away. Anything to avoid actual food from entering my body.
 
So I guess the main reason i'm posting this is because I'm a little confuse/possibly worried. Ever since my life turned to sh*t and I started all of this negative stuff again, I've become cranky, tired, and irritated at everyone. I honestly almost got in a fight with a complete stranger at school yesterday. And I can't even remember why. People tell me that I looked like I lost weight, but they also tell me that I've got huge dark circles under my eyes and that I honestly look depressed and ready to give up.
 
But that's completely unrelated from the self-harm and not eating stuff, right?

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Queen_Of_Fiction replied...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 4:39 pm

It posted twice, so if anyone's even remotely interested, just comment on this one.

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DynamoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 1:46 am

Hmm. One of the best way to kill depression when you feel like cutting is to throw a glass against the wall and break it. that usually beats (in Hinton's words) the tar outta you. Another way, and I try this when I'm in a rage or angry, is to to go to your room, take out all the rubbish papers and start making balls of them or tearing them in half. That too is effective, besides clearing up your room. nd you shouldnt avoid food. But once you kill depression, you'll come back to it.

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Kenrichi replied...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 7:36 am

When you say your life turned to sh*t that means bad events have been happening. Since bad evens have happened it brings your stress level up (so it must be a very bad event). Try not to harm yourself the same way you did last time, and don't think about how bad life is at the moment, think about making the next day brighter.
Since you don't feel like eaing (I remember I was like that, except I thought I was gonna die that day) just drink plenty of water, then keep trying to make yourself eat some soup and then just keep eating it until you can advance to a different food and so on.
When you're stressed you can be very irritable so I would say being cranky is related. Ask anymore questions if you want, I hope I help

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Queen_Of_Fiction replied...
Sept. 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Any bit of food I eat immediately wants to throw itself out of my mouth and into the toilet. It doesn't stay in my stomach. Not that I blame it. I have to force down a yogurt some mornings just so my parents don't get suspicious. It tastes horrible. I honestly gag most of it up before I leave for school. So yeah, food and I don't get along.
 
And I don't know how to stop with the self-harm. It's just a natural instinct now. It feels totally normal to drag the blade across my skin. It's almost as if I'll get worse if I do stop.

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Queen_Of_Fiction replied...
Sept. 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Any bit of food I eat immediately wants to throw itself out of my mouth and into the toilet. It doesn't stay in my stomach. Not that I blame it. I have to force down a yogurt some mornings just so my parents don't get suspicious. It tastes horrible. I honestly gag most of it up before I leave for school. So yeah, food and I don't get along.
 
And I don't know how to stop with the self-harm. It's just a natural instinct now. It feels totally normal to drag the blade across my skin. It's almost as if I'll get worse if I do stop.

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Kenrichi replied...
Sept. 9, 2012 at 9:00 pm

I've did a little bit of research on the matter. I say you should get examined by a doctor, that is a symptom of a stomach ulcer.

Sorry but I'm not sure what to tell you about self-harm. Seeking therapy should help.

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Queen_Of_Fiction replied...
Sept. 9, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Stomach ulcer? That doesn't sound fun. And I refuse professional help. The only psychiatrist I'd be sent to is the one at school, but I personally know the psychiatrist's daughter, so I refuse her help.

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NiallsGirl replied...
Sept. 10, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Are you in love, maybe? It explains not eating. I never eat when I'm in love. My stomach is churning, and I always feel so depressed. I even have sui.cidal thoughts because he doesn't care about me. Just telling you, if it's love, then....just say so.

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Queen_Of_Fiction replied...
Sept. 10, 2012 at 3:37 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me nine days ago via text message. Trust me, it ain't love.

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NiallsGirl replied...
Sept. 11, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Then it could be heartbreak/

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AlidaHope replied...
Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:21 am

Well, since you're not eating, you are suffering from malnutrition. Without the proper essential vitamins and minerals, you're body can't proper function, causing the dark circles and mood shifts, etc. 
With the whole self-harm issue, I would recommend talking to someone about it, Even if you don"t know exactly why you do it, just talking about it helps termendously. Talk to a counselor or a teacher, anyone really. Or if you just can't, write. Keep a journal or diary and write about everything, even if it seems irrelevant. Try stopping the harm, even if it does seem impossible. Try doing something to keep yourself busy so you don't have the oppertunity to harm yourself, 
Good Luck

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DynamoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

A confusing case. You are not bulimic, that I am sure of. You might be anorexic(suffering from the tendency to quit eating), but that can't be said with finality. However I think that you should consult a doctor for proper medication(contact one on the net or on experts (dot) com, or try asking Jubilex). Btw, as for the self harm thing, that is simply a matter of depression and can be solved by taking serotonin(ask a doc or a chemist first!). But then, you can also try simple excercises and tests like the ones mentioned in Cutting/Scratching thread in personal opinions(by Rayyn)
 
Good Luck!

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SilentWhisper replied...
Mar. 3, 2013 at 11:52 am

I self harmed -severely- in the past and I still do (trying to stop) I found that an ice cube held to my skin helped... find ways to hurt without damaging yourself

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TheHuntress replied...
May 30, 2013 at 3:44 pm

I know how you feel. You're on a continous downward spiral. 'I've been there before. Have you checked your glucose levels? High levels of stress can cause depression and make you feel less hungry. But if you don't eat enough, you sugar levels drop to low and your brain has nothing to feed on. This will make you feel even more depressed. If you don't feel like eating, try putting a bit of sugar in some tea. Also, writing really helps me when I feel depressed. I've posted some of my poems if your interested in having a look. Hope this helps! :D

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