Teen Ink on Twitter
So, I self-harm. And not just by cutting my wrist. I'll punch myself and hit myself; one time I even purposely slammed a door on my hand. I was able to stop with self-harm all together my sophomore year of high school.
But now, in the very beginning of my junior year of high school, my life has turned to sh*t. So I started self-harming again. And this time the cutting has gotten a little worse. Usually when I cut, it was just cuts that weren't very deep and only a few scarred. But now I quite literally draw blood. Not fountains of it though. Just enough that I look at my wrist and think, Wow. I should probably clean these up. I haven't started beating myself up again yet, so that's probably a good sign.
And, besides my self-harm issue, I stopped eating. Again. Food is literally so unappealing to me. My friends forced me to eat a cr.ac.ke.r and a half today in lunch. I felt nauseous within five minutes. i just don't want to eat anymore. If I even think I'm feeling hungry, I'll just pop in a piece of gum and chew away. Anything to avoid actual food from entering my body.
So I guess the main reason i'm posting this is because I'm a little confuse/possibly worried. Ever since my life turned to sh*t and I started all of this negative stuff again, I've become cranky, tired, and irritated at everyone. I honestly almost got in a fight with a complete stranger at school yesterday. And I can't even remember why. People tell me that I looked like I lost weight, but they also tell me that I've got huge dark circles under my eyes and that I honestly look depressed and ready to give up.
But that's completely unrelated from the self-harm and not eating stuff, right?
this stuff is messing with you brain. you really need to get some help for this. the best thing that you could do is start over (and of course get the help previously mentioned). the huge dark circles under you eyes are a sign of poor nutrition a.k.a. your eating disorder. you are becoming cranky and tired because you have no energy in barely any of the cells in your body. eventually, they will start malfunctioning and destroying themselves, and you need to stop that before it happens. confront you fears, tell somebody who really cares about you what is happening to your life, get the help you need, and what your life get 101% better. if you keep it bottled up inside, it will only hurt you more. there are so many people out there in the world who care about you! dont let them down by slowly destroying yourself. stay strong:)
i dont even know you, but i felt so sad when i read this. please, please, please don't hurt yourself. i know you don't know me, but seriously, hurting yourself wont do you any good. it just makes you more depressed. i know life seems terrible right now, but just think: by ending your life, you're not giving it the change to get any better!! go to someone that you trust. it could be a coach, and teacher, a friend, a counselor, or a parent. just make sure that you aren't going through this alone. once you start talking about what you're going through, then things get easier, trust me :) xx
I know what you are going through, from a self-harmer herself and I actually use belts on myself. I also am Anorexic so.... If you ever want to talk I'm here