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Coffee posted this thread...
Apr. 30, 2012 at 5:33 pm

so I think I'm fairly good at listening to people, and making them feel better at least for the time being. So if you want to talk to me, or rant, I'll be here. :) I'd love to hear from you. Whatever problems you have, ill try to help as much as i can as a stranger on the internet can. :)

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shapeshifter56 replied...
May 5, 2012 at 12:22 am

Hey Coffee. How's it goin'? I think you already came onto my forum and heard about my problems anyways, but I came across your forum, and here I am again.

So, basically, my family's falling apart, I lost most of my friends this year to high school and "maturity", and I'm trying to stop cutting. I'm usually an optimist, but currently, I feel like life just sucks.

You already visited my forum, so if you don't reply to this, I'll understand, but I would actually find an internet stranger to be quite helpful right about now.

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Coffee replied...
May 6, 2012 at 5:47 pm

well, im a great internet stranger!

why is your family falling apart?

and why have you lost all you're friends?

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shapeshifter56 replied...
May 7, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Well...my parents have been fighting for as long as I can remember. Then, my dad had this total drunk rage over summer, and it was awful. He didn't hurt anyone, but he was threatening to kill my mom. She left, and he drove off (still completely drunk) and tried to find her. He couldn't, so instead he just broke all her stuff. It had to be the worst night of my life. My parents split after that. I have four little sisters ranging in ages from three to twelve. They're all really hurt and stressed out. I've never been all that close to my dad (I love him, but I don't agree with his lifestyle and choices...in fact, he kinda scares me sometimes) so I only go over to his house every other weekend when I'm supposed to. Some of my sisters stay over there more though, and it drives me nuts to be away from them so much. When my parents were MIA throughout my life, I was the third parent, so it breaks my heart to be away from my girls. My home is wherever they are, but it seems like we're hardly all in one place anymore:( My mom is major preoccupied too with all her divorce freedom. She is always, always, always on her phone, and when she's not, she's in a mood.

As for the friends... I had two besties I'd known since kindergarten and first grade. They were best friends before I came into the group though, and this year, they kinda ganged up on me. I trusted them completely and confided about my family situation. They were there for me, but then they started acting weird. They ignored me, excluded me, gave me the cold shoulder, and gave me lot's of attitude. I e-mailed them, trying to work things out and...they kinda attacked me saying I was immature and attention-starved and I was making up the whole problem with them just to guilt-trip them into being good friends again. They were pretty hypocritical about it too. It makes me sad because I was so close to them and their families. (I'm actually still close to one of their brothers who is my age. We never talk about what happened. I still trust him, but sometimes I wonder if that's just because I like him). I don't understand what went wrong. I was honest, I trusted them, and I communicated. Anyways... most of my other friends were at their lunch table, so when I finally left, I got distant from lot's of people. One of my family friends has other friends at school, but I just don't know how to  relate to them because we don't have anything in common, and they kinda treat me like an outcast. So, I tried harder to find other friends, and I did. Now, I have lot's of friends, but none of them are close to me, and none of them are friends outside of school.

All in all, I just feel pretty alone and worthless...maybe that's why I started cutting. I don't know.

Anyways, thanks for responding :) I appreciate it.


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shapeshifter56 replied...
May 7, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Sorry. That was kinda long.

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Coffee replied...
May 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I understand why you would feel that way.

it does sound rough. my families always been good, so i cant really sympathzize with you there.

if your parents are going to be like that, focus on your relationship with your sisters. can you drive? maybe all of you should go out for ice cream sometimes, to keep connected. it sound like you really love them. just get away from the drama of your parents for a while.

as for your friends. go.d, have i been THERE. ugh. last year all my friends randomly turned goth, peverted, immature, and decided to do nothing with their lives. i couldnt take them, so i left with a new table. but as with you, i wasnt close with any of them. But over the summer i met my current best friend. we're pretty chill, and never get in fights or anything. but it took a while. and even when she was my friend, she was my only friend, and my only outside of school activity really. so i joined the crew team.

So try something like that maybe. as a rower, i of course recomend crew. but there's tons of other things. doesn't even have to be sport (although knowing im in shape and work a lot harder than most people makes me a lot more confident)  or just be paiteint. be open to all types of people, and dont be judgemental. make sure you talk to everyone in your classes and try to make outside of school plans with some of your current friends. maybe you would be better friends if you got to know them better. :)

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shapeshifter56 replied...
May 9, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I cannot drive, but it would certainly be nice to. I try to spend time with my sisters when I can, and I try my best to let them know I'm there for them. 

As for the friends... why do friends do all that anyways? I just don't get it. I'm sorry about your old friends turning goth and all, but I'm glad you were able to find new friends :) Thanks for sharing that; it gives me some hope with the friend situation. 

You have a lot of good suggestions. I'm definitely thinking I'll get more involved next year in some school clubs or something. I was thinking speech or debate might be fun for me. I already do golf, but I'm not very good yet, and it only lasts a couple months. By the way, what is a rower and what is crew? 

Anyways, thanks a lot. You have really good advice :) Thanks for sharing it.

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Coffee replied...
May 17, 2012 at 4:56 pm

you're welcome :)

oh, our school has a golf team. but i dont know anyone on it very well. so dont know much about it. but it sounds pretty fun :)

You're a rower when you're on the crew team. Crew is a sport where we row in boats, with oars. we compete agaisnt other crews, do indoor rowing, and have practice every day. i know everyone on the team and i've made a lot of friends. everyone is important and it gives you a sense of comitment, responsability, and confidence.


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loveissmiles replied...
May 18, 2012 at 7:26 am

Hey so im in a relationship and i got H I G H one day before school with my ex (Still my bestfriend and we had S E X. Do i tell my boyfriend or not? my ex appoligized for taking advantage of me, and i thought it would stop. I am so wrong. He is constantly trying to get me to do stuff with him and saying how great it was. Please im running out of time and options. Please help me...

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Coffee replied...
May 22, 2012 at 5:12 pm

this ex sounds like and as s. i would stop being in contact with him. if he knows your have a boyfriend he's just trying to tempt you for his own enjoyment. hes not considering you at all. i wouldnt tell your boyfriend. some secrets are best left as secrets. but i would stop being in situations where you'll see this other person again.

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Erecura replied...
Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:38 am

Um… I guess I'm sort of resurrecting this thread but talking is good, or at least typing, so I don't really need anybody to answer. In sixth grade I got rap.ed by an older uh which basically… sucked. I started cutting a bit and not eating much but my mom found out that I wasn't eating and made me stop, and I wAs still cutting but everything was okay for a while and then things started getting really bad in seventh grade (I'm a freshman now) and I stopped eating again, and started cutting again. I was eating on and off because I was so stressed and I really wanted to control something in my life and I couldn't stop cutting but I could get in shape, and so I just didn't eat. Last summer was really bad and in September I passed out during biology and got taken to the hospital where pretty much everything was wrong. I was way to skinny and some of my body was starting to shut down… but long story short I somehow didn't die and found myself in a facility to recover. I was there for a while-I don't really know how long because I wasn't really paying attention to anything much when I was brought in. I came back before Christmas and I'm a lot better now, I think. I'm taking things slowly and trying not to think about anything that happened. My friends are really supportive, but I still can't look at an apple without thinking 90, or putting counts on everything. I guess that's just part of life now.

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5thSparrow replied...
Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:38 am

I might be getting se.xually harassed (in a verbal context) at work... i've been looking up the definition and it seems likely. i don't know what to do about it though. on monday my fiftysomething year old coworker made a comment about us being together three nights a week and when i gave him a funny look and told him that we only worked together two nights a week he said "Oh right, that other nights just in my mind ;)" ... then later he touched my neck and asked if that was a "sensitive" spot for me... and some other stuff that's been going on for about 6 weeks or so... but since i made some general se.xual jokes/ comments first (nothing in a me and him context) if it got back to my mom i'd be told it was my fault. (my boss is my aunt so therefore if i went to her about it there's a good chance of mom finding out) i'm looking online to find out if there are any laws regarding worker confidentiality if i do say something to my aunt so that i KNOW nothing's going to get to my mom but all i've foundis my legal responsibility to protect company secrets. so yeah... help... preferably before Monday...

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rach15 replied...
Jan. 3, 2013 at 5:20 pm

i think you should tell your aunt whats going on :/ i'm sure she would understand if you dont want your mom to know if you talk about it. being sexually harrassed is not a cool thing. and if you you dont tell anybody this guy might just get worse! so yeah, i wish i could be of more help! i hope everything works out!

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5thSparrow replied...
Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:16 pm

I've also found out that in general cases (i don't know if the law's any different since i'm a minor, yet) nobody can really do anything right now because i haven't asserted myself and told him that i don't want/like the things he's been saying. I'm really bad at things like that.... I had something vaguely similar happen to me through a man i went to church with for four years before anyone knew (it was a bit different, though. less outright sexual comments more trying to get me to go somewhere with him). I got out of that one because the Elders got involved and nine months after that the man died... point is, that part's going to be hard, but until it happens i can't do much or get anyone else to do much.

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shapeshifter56 replied...
Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Erecura: I'm really sorry about everything you have had to go through. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Does anybody know about what happened to you in sixth grade? I hope that you were able to talk it out with someone :/ Sometimes that helps. I feel like I can relate to you and your story a lot. Although I thank g.o.d I was never r.a.p.e.d I do understand what it's like to have someone touch your body without your consent. For me, it's one of the worst feelings I've ever had. It just makes me feel dirty and kind of worthless...I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand how that can just haunt you and as you said suck...which is an understatement of course. If you ever want to talk more about it I'm here too (even though this is Coffee's thread...)
Due to family issues and s.h.i.t I have had depression and what my counselor calls "s.u.i.c.i.d.e ideation" since I was in sixth grade. I didn't start cutting until I was a freshman last year though. :/ I can't even imagine starting as young as you did. It's only been nine months for me but the a.d.d.i.c.t.i.o.n forms fast. It really sucks. I really hate myself for it. And I know lot's of people don't understand and are rude about it, but again, I understand if you ever want to talk about it ;)
I get what you mean about control. I always find myself craving it too. Life just gets so crazy it's like...you just need SOMETHING, you know? I guess cutting is the big one for me, but I find myself struggling with food as well, like you said :/ I never stopped eating altogether, but I'm a calorie-counter too and skip meals when nobody's looking. It definitely sucks. I know what  you mean about wondering if it's just a part of life now :/ I hope it isn't. 
Anyways...sorry, I know this is kind of a long response to you, but I just feel like we've had a lot of similar issues. I'm really happy for you that you said you're a lot better now :) Great job. I know how hard it can be to try and recover :)
So anyways...if you want to talk anymore, I'm here. And I definitely agree with you that talking is good...or at least typing ;)

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TheCapturedBat replied...
Mar. 12, 2013 at 9:39 pm

My parents divorced two years ago. I don't think the divorce was a bad thing in itself. My family was unhappy even before my sisters and I were born. But the things that have been going on since have been so painful. My entire world has been divided between my mother and my father. I feel like I can't love one without hating the other. My father has custody.  My mother doesn't get to make any of the decisions about my life. She is financially unstable and was almost homeless last year. She barely eats anything. She's so thin. It breaks my heart. What I want most is to go back to living with her all the time.
My relationship with my younger sisters has changed. My stepmother thinks she  has to take the place of my mother. She sees it as a personal sacrifice, and her christlike suffering makes me see red. As soon as I turn eighteen I am going to go back to my mother. I only have to wait a bit longer, but it feels like forever.

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