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Need to get this out

Erecura posted this thread...
Feb. 14, 2012 at 1:32 am

I'm so scared. I need to get this out in writng an I need help. When I was eleven I was r.ap.e.d by an older boy. I don't know his name or age. I didn't have my period yet so I didn't get pr.eg.nan.t. I never told anybody. I cut for a long time then forced myself to stop. I was scared. Now I have friends and a boyfriend, I've moved from that place and I'm still terrified. I couldn't even let my boyfriend kiss me, I was too scred that he would r.a.p.e me! I'm scared and I started cutting again. I also literally tar the skin off my lips until they bleed and then I keep doing it. I can't really talk to my parents... they're great but I just can't. I want to tell my boyfriend or best friend but I'm scared that they'll push me away. I know I need help but I'mm too scared to ask. He still comes in my nightmares...I haven't slept more than three hours a night in months. I need help! Sometimes I feel like getting up another day is pointless. I'm 13 now, and he still haunts me. I need to get this out, sorry about the rambling. Please, I need help!

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EtherealThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 14, 2012 at 8:07 am

please tell someone. your boyfriend, your friend- and I'd suggest telling your parents to, remember, It is NEVER your fault. ever. remember that- I'm here to talk if you need to... and I am praying for you... I think your parents will understand of all people though, even though you said you can't talk to them.

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Sharkgirl replied...
Feb. 14, 2012 at 5:07 pm

you can't let this fear rule your life tell someone and do something about it holding it in will only detory your life

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i.hope.you.dance replied...
Feb. 14, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Yeah- thats true what everyone said, you need to tell a responsible person, Your parents really oughtta know... Honey, you're asking for help, they can really help you. You gotta get this out to the people in your life that care about you and love you the most

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EPluribusUnumThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 14, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Please, please, please tell someone. I would suggest your parents. I promise you, no one will push you away. Good friends will probably become protective of you if they find out. And I'm sure your bf will stick by you.
As for rapists, there is only one word for boys like that, and it is trash. T-R-A-S-H. And most of them have no future. None. I'm sorry if that was a little harsh, but I really feel that way. Don't let someone like that ruin your life. Please.
If it helps, when I need to tell my parents something hard I write it down first. You can even put in in a note. Whatever works for you. The first words will be the hardest, but I really think you'll be happier with some help. Good luck and I'll pray for you.

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StayingGoldThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 14, 2012 at 7:34 pm

It seems yuou have an obsession with self destruction. Don't worry, I do too. I tear the skin off of my lips... and chew on it... I also pull out my eyelashes. I used to cut, but not anymore... I don't want it to start again, but I also pick at all my scabs and if I get acne.. which I seem to be free of... Maybe you could get a therapist. It didn't help me, but if it could possibly get through to you, it's worth a shot.

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i.hope.you.dance replied...
Feb. 14, 2012 at 8:16 pm

yeah, writing it down then giving it to them should be an easy way of telling them.

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Anabela replied...
Feb. 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

you story sounds alot like my own, i went through alot of tough times. Of course telling someone is the best thing to do but many times its not that simple. If you'd like to talk more let me know???

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oprah20 replied...
Feb. 17, 2012 at 5:38 pm

agree with Ethreal!

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Feb. 19, 2012 at 1:31 am

I'm sorry. You cannot keep everything to yourself, I agree with everyone who says to talk to someone. You can heal, I believe in you. Nobody will push you away, people can help you heal. It might help going to a therapist.

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Erecura replied...
Aug. 28, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Thanks for all the help... I really need to tell someone now... a few days ago when my parents were out i tried to cut my wrists open but it didn't work; I couldn't do it. I'm still too scared though. Anybody have any ideas how to break the subject?

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NiallsGirl replied...
Aug. 28, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I personally can't talk to my parents about anything. I would just tell my boyfriend if I were you.

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NiallsGirl replied...
Aug. 28, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I personally can't talk to my parents about anything. I would just tell my boyfriend if I were you.

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NiallsGirl replied...
Aug. 28, 2012 at 5:21 pm

I personally can't talk to my parents about anything. I would just tell my boyfriend if I were you.

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Erecura replied...
Aug. 29, 2012 at 1:25 am

We broke up. 

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Erecura replied...
Aug. 29, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I know.. it;s just going to be so... awkward!

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Erecura replied...
Sept. 2, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Okay, so I told my mom about the cutting and said I didn't wnat to talk about what else had happened. It's a start.

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Erecura replied...
Sept. 2, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Thanks. I've found that acting helps a lot, sort of stepping out of my own body. Yeah, anyway. My mom is being really great, and so, I want to modeal, but we made a deal that I couldn't send in my shots  until my cuts are healed, and if I cut anymore I can't send them in until tose are better... so everytime I think about it, I think of that. I've thrown out my stuff that I used, and I'm trying to get over it. It helps to have her on my side.
Thank you all again. You've been so wonderful and supportive for me! 

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Erecura replied...
Sept. 3, 2012 at 2:24 am

Just fashion in general... I'm tall-ish and thin, so I have the right body and stuff. But I'm 1 1/2 inches too short for most agencies :(

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Sept. 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Try as hard as you can to succeed anyway :D It would be such an amazing inspirtaion if u became a model, because you seem like the type of person who is not only beautiful on the outside, but, on the inside too. Go for it !!

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