Regrets

December 5, 2017
By Katiej5745 GOLD, Auburn, California
Katiej5745 GOLD, Auburn, California
16 articles 0 photos 9 comments

My name is Katherine Green. Growing up for me isn’t what you would call “normal.” Many people's childhoods are a flurry of rainbows, unicorns, and sunshine. But that isn’t the case for me. I live with my dad, who’s a police officer. So, my life is kinda contained because he doesn't want me to get into any trouble. That’s why it’s hard for me to make any friends. And the ones I did make, didn’t often stay.

My mom was one of my best friends, I could always depend on her to always be there. She always comforted me when I cried, and patiently wait for me to calm down when I’m mad. Until that stormy night, she was gone. Forever. I could still remember the soft glow from her smile, her dark brown hair that looked like chocolate. One of my first memories is when she passed, after all I was five when I witnessed it. That night, when our car swerved out of control. Slamming on the breaks with shouts of panic. The ringing of the sirens are still in my head! Memories of getting dragged away from the blood, and last seeing her, pale-faced. At the grave. My father did his best to comfort me, but it didn’t help. I needed a mother figure in my life, especially because my father and I are more distant than ever. Especially since the incident. Emily. My best friend. Dead. By a cruel man. He’s gone now, because of me.

 

Yes, I’m a murderer. But, it was all for a good cause, I guess. The summer before I went in as a Freshman. The summer I had to go to court. The ringing of the mallet and the judge saying that we had a ten minute break still echoes in my head. And in the end getting out with in the end with spending one year in juvenile hall, and everyday after school I would do community service, then after that they commanded us to move. Heart break in my father's eyes, we had been kicked out of the only little town that had been my real, true, home. I had to move away from the place my mom loved. The only place that I grew up in, the only place that still keeps memories of her. They one and only place where the Earth holds her grave. And now being exiled away from it.

 

Now, a year later, I am moving to Lake View. A small town, a way that gossip spreads easily. And a Justice Building to keep order. All near an erie lake surrounding my new home. And a tan building that is my new school. And wearing my jeans and a leather jacket, I blend in with the rest of the thousands upon thousands of kids. I guess that my plain look will help me hide from the drama, and my past being brought up again.

My father dropped me off, no words spoken. I guess he’s still in shock of my past. Too mad to say any words. Even at a young age, my mom and I always talked about things that troubled us. So this dead silence is killing me!

 

As I walked through the double doors, a breeze blew through the hallway. Standing in my path, was a girl with blonde hair and a silk blue shirt. She sashayed up to me.
“You’re the new girl! Right?” She batted her eyelashes so innocently.
I nodded, and looked down at my books.
“Oh sweetheart! Don’t act so innocent. Katherine is the name? Right?” Her sweet personality slowly disintegrated right before me.
“How do you know my name?” I questioned her.
“Oh please! I know your past. I know it all. Your friend Emily, why you were sent here, your mom in the car aciden-” Getting closer to my face as she spoke.
Cutting her off, “Don’t talk about my mother!” We were face to face at this point, her breath ascending on my face.
“Don’t tell me what I can, and what I can’t talk about!” Her devil horns popping up, overthrowing the fake halo she put on to begin with. “You. Murder! Oh great! Now MY town is cursed with you!” Circling around me as she spoke. “Think about it. I have a great idea for you!”
“Okay! Give me what you got!” Gritting my teeth as I speak.
“You can end all your past and your problems. Kill. Yourself.” Glaring into my eyes, with that sly smirk. “Go join your mom!” Speaking to me as she spat on my face, flipping her blonde strands of hair as she spoke. Her words piercing into my heart.
Standing there with a defeated look on my face, to shocked to utter a word.
“I won this battle sweetheart. Remember. Suicide is the solution.” She sashayed and batted her eyelashes like a little angel. The girl by the name of Chloe. I could tell it was her name because it was stitched on her leather bag.

I always thought bullying would go away once I became a Sophomore, but it obviously didn’t. She was right though, I didn’t deserve another chance. I didn’t deserve a new start.

 

After school was over, I ambled my way over to the lake. Still erie as ever, even with the sun shining. I sit down, thoughts rambling in my head. The first day I’m here I get bullied by the “queen” of the school. I wish I had Emily here with me. She always stood up to the people that brought us down. Even though I avenged her death there are the same amount of killers in the world. The balance when I killed him didn’t change. After all if you kill the killer then, there are the same amount of killers in the world.
A kid sat down next to me with no warning. Dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.
“Hey. You're new to town. Right?” His blue eyes sparkling from the reflection of the lake.
“Yeah. How did you know?” Taking in a deep breath, waiting for the nice boy look to go away and for a demon to appear. It’s happened once today, so I suspect it again.
“I can kinda tell. You looked a little lost. My name is Trey Parker! Welcome to the sunny town of Lake View!” With excitement in his tone, it was nice to hear someone welcoming.
“Nice to meet you! I’m Katherine Green.” It was finally nice to be able to talk to someone without preparing for insults to be fired at me.
As time goes on he share what his favorite colors, favorite food, to his birthday and what pets he has. It was refreshing to have finally found a friend, ever since Emily.

 

As days go on Chloe goes out of her way in the hall to remind me of what I did. And always reminding me of how to end my problems for good. Killing myself. Reminding me that that is a valuable option to consider. Whispering it into my ear, like a parasite that won’t go away. Her cold voice echoing in my head “Suicide is the solution.” Adding to the million of voices inside my head. Why don’t you just end it here? After all your past will just follow you wherever you go. Everyone will know. Get rid of yourself and your problems for good. Chloe is right. End it here sweetheart. The voices! The pure pain of my problems!

 

As soon as the school bell calls students to leave, I bolt out the double doors. Leaving in tears, the voices digging deeper into my head. Almost corrupting me. I slow down to a walk. I go towards an overlook near the Justice Building to collect my thoughts. Walking to the canyon, and the rapid river that flows in it.

The only people that will miss you is Trey. And we all know he will forget you after a few weeks. Oh and let's talk about your father. He will be glad that you're gone, a weight lifted off his shoulders. Your past is crippling him, I bet he liked your old town better. You changed his entire life, because of your stupid past! Overflowing my mind, what difference I would make if you weren't here? No difference at all. I stand up, slumping my backpack and belongings on a bench that overlooked the canyon.

Looking over the ravine, tears still streaming down my cheek in a waterfall of tears. People are right, thoughts can corrupt the body they’re in. I stare into the great abyss of the canyon. Why don’t you just jump? End it all here, in one final swoop. Closing my eyes I get ready to leave Earth forever.

 

Ready to talk my first step into death, a hand grabbed me. Pulling on me hard, gravity wasn’t really on our side. My foot hanging off the edge, loose dirt crumbling off. Falling into the great abyss below. Holding on my hand so tight! With all of his might, pulling me up. Shaking his head as he stared into my eyes. Wrapping his arms around me. It was Trey. Disappointed, and sad. Sitting me down on the bench with me backpack,

“Why? Why would you do something so cruel like that?” His voice shaking, sorrow filled his bright blue eyes.
Stuttering, my voice shaky. And my face overflowed with tears. “I… I…..I-I just couldn’t handle my past. Too much weight on my shoulders. And Chloe! And the voices!” I quickly start to sob again. Making Trey’s jacket damp with my tears.
He held me in his arms, telling me to breathe, waiting till I could regain my voice again. Holding me tight, which seemed like hours. Our hearts slowing down to a steady pace, beating together like the soul of a drum. Wiping tears from my cheeks he began to talk.
“What about Chloe? What did she do to you?” Holding me against his chest as he spoke.
“S-s-she,” I stuttered as a tear streamed down my cheek.
“Breathe… breathe,” Trey spoke as he gave me some space to look into my eyes.
“S-she told me to kill myse-”
“SHE DID WHAT?!” A tear streamed down his cheek to his jawbone, “Why… ?”
“She had a good reason to… my past…”
“Not even a cruel past deserves something so hash in the present. The future is meant to write a road for yourself.” As I begin to talk, he holds me in his arms. Like there’s no tomorrow.

 

I go on and tell him about my mom, Emily, and why I moved here. And how I thought no one would miss me.
“If you jumped, you don’t know how many people you would effect.”
“Bu-”
“No buts, it's time to write a new story for yourself. Always treasure your loved ones from the past in your heart, but don’t hold onto things that can corrupt you. Let them go after you’ve learned. And I’m pretty sure that you’ve learned.” Smiling after he uttered the words he lifted my jawbone in his hand. Closing his eyes, he leaned in for a kiss. It was so passionate, there was almost no words to describe it. His warm lips as they touched mine. As he move away me beaming, still holding my jaw in his hand. He blushed, and grinned. It felt like all my problems disintegrated into thin air.

I was brought to court, reported by Trey. He wanted everything to be solved out: Chloe and me almost committing suicide. Trey at my side. Chloe standing as the defendant, Trey as the witness, and me standing as the victim.

 

At the end of hours of debate and multiple ten minute breaks, Chloe is dragged off to juvenile hall for four months for repeatedly saying death threats. And with video evidence footage from the school and with witnesses that heard and saw what happened. Even at this point Chloe’s father, the govender, can’t get her out of this. And I leave with appointments for counseling a few days a week. And Trey left with a smile on his face, because everything turned out okay. A tragic past doesn't have to ruin your future.


The author's comments:

I re-wrote this piece And remember, your past dosn't have to shape your future.


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