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The world is full of life. It breathes that life during every new dawn, and every drop of  dew that magnifies nature`s beauty. Unfortunately, the world also has a dark side and can be full of death. It seems to hang over the heads of those alive and creep just beneath the surface of their fears. Just as soon as the light of life can be lit, death comes to blow it out leaving nothing behind but a dark void. However, death propels people to live fearlessly and to make every moment better than the last. Without the ever present fear of death, no one would discover new things or climb to amazing heights. Without the fear of everything coming to a potential end, would people even dare to live at all? Would they even dare to feel beyond the hopelessness and feel the beautiful emotions that come along with being human?
People often say they wish they could live for forever. Little do they realize how truly long forever is. No one ever takes into account how much death propels them and how much emotion is tied to it. Sure, you could go on living fearlessly for a couple hundred years, hell maybe even a thousand, but what happens when the thrill of life is no more? What happens when someone takes away your motivation to live? I suppose forever may seem appealing, but people seldom think of repercussions when they decide their own fate. They simply hear forever, and realize they will never have to face the potential for death or at least they think. Even before they are able to catch their breath as their wish for forever is being granted, they have thrown themselves into a new dark void that cannot be undone. People who want to live forever and finally get their wish, never anticipate what they might lose during the process. Of course, not until it’s too late and they have become to detached from reality do they realize what an awful decision they have made. To want to live forever is wishing to be removed from your own humanity, and that is the lesson no one learns until it is too late. It’s the lesson I had to learn and unfortunately live with.
For most, walking into the sunlight is a feeling of comfort. It fills them with warmth and seems to wrap them in a familiar hug. As I began to walk outside, I was not greeted by the suns warmth, but instead a burning sensation that radiated throughout my entire body. My eyes began to see only white and I quickly pulled my sunglasses on my face to somehow mask the rays. No longer does the sun bring me comfort, but instead it has become a daily annoyance. I no longer feel the comforting warmth it once held, but now it seems to irritate me as though it is an itch I cannot scratch. The sun was something I remember enjoying, especially after a long winter. Now I feel annoyed by its presence, however I began to walk on the sidewalk and tried to ignore it. A gust of wind seemed to blow my hair away from my face, yet I felt nothing against my pale skin. I use to enjoy the wind on my skin and the goose bumps that rose because of its unexpected approach. Now, the wind seems almost too afraid to approach me, and I never encounter its cool touch. I watch as tree leaves sway and I am once again reminded of the phenomena I will never encounter again.
As I continue walking, I vaguely hear the laughter and chatter of nearby people. Their voices seemed to sound far away, but as I turn, they happened to be walking close by. I watch as they smiled and continued on their banter. I try to remember what it felt like to laugh, but the emotion has become all too foreign to me. After forever became my reality, emotions slowly began to vanish. I didn’t notice it at first, but with each passing year, I slowly lost the feelings of joy, anger, sadness, happiness, and even love. Now, I’m lucky if I can even muster a notion of what any emotion felt like. I’m constantly in a dormant state, feeling only nothing. A numbness seems to constantly buzz in my head, and I tried for many years to shake it away or stop its progression, but to no avail. I can, however, feel one other thing, but that is something I have forced myself to become dormant. At least for the time being.
As I continued walking, I saw a small bird perched on top of a tree. It began to chirp, and I watched as people became delighted by the bird`s soft song. I wondered what it felt like to find the simple joys of life so amusing. But slowly the bird`s song vanished from my ears and was replaced with the pounding of its tiny heart. I began to pick up pace in my walk, and tried to ignore the small bird`s gentle heartbeat. I once again passed by some people, and as their vague voices disappeared, their beating hearts took its place. I dared to not look at them and tried to focus on the path ahead of me. Their heartbeats began to pound in my head once again, and I stopped walking to regain my composure. I breathed in deeply and tried to push any inclining of thought away. As soon as the ringing in my ears began to stop, I continued on my path.
As I passed by a bench, I noticed that two lovers embraced by the tree next to it. I turned away and continued feeling nothing in regard to the lovers. Many people who chose to live forever, do so so that they can be with their beloved for an eternity. Little do they realize that their everlasting love will soon die, and they will be left feeling as lifeless as the corpses that they would have ended up as. Unfortunately, I can’t remember if I ever got to experience a true love, if even such a thing exists. Once the emotion disappeared so did the memory. I use to like to imagine what it felt like or what my lost memory use to be, but now I can’t be bothered. It became a waste of my time, even though I have no time to waste. I suppose I lost interest, but now it is nothing more than a lost dream I can’t seem to recall.
There used to be many more like me. Lost souls that thought they could entertain their dream of living on. They roamed the streets and conquered every person, land, and luxury that they pleased. Some regarded them as monsters while others gods. They stood on top of the world, and had no chance of falling. They never realized that falling wasn’t just a physical sensation. But it was also an emotional one.  Once their emotions went they began to fall further away from themselves, reality, and even away from their own humanity. Soon, they became nothing more than monster stories, and cautionary tales. They use to ask why I bothered going outside during the daytime, especially since the sun bothered me so. I told them because it made me feel somehow attached with reality. As I began to notice my own descent, I tried to find anything that would help me hold on to something of my human existence. I wanted to think I was a full person again, and no longer just a shell. I still believe that somewhat now, but I feel that my afternoon walks are more of a routine then a coping mechanism. 
I looked at the path I walked so many times before and saw the trees that lined the sidewalk and the people that could be seen walking in the distance. I remember when someone asked me if I regretted my decisions. At the time they asked, I was hanging around with kings and lived the life of luxury. I told them of course not because who wouldn’t want what I have? I was beautiful, forever young, I could get whatever I wanted, and intimidate whomever I wanted. I thought it was the best decision I ever made. Now if I was asked that question, I would have a very different answer. I would say that although it may seem glamorous, no one really lives for forever. As soon as you realize the mistake you made, you will have already lost every part that made you whole and soon you won’t even remember what being whole felt like. I do regret it because I never truly got to experience or understand what it means to be human.
I was pulled out of my train of thought by the pitter patter of feet on the sidewalk. I raised my head to see a nicely dressed gentleman, walking his dog. He nodded at me and continued on his way. The pitter patter began to cease as the heartbeat of the man and his dog drummed consistently in my head. I tried, once again to shake the oncoming sensation, but it was beginning to become harder to ignore.
Trying to push passed my racing thoughts, I watched as a young child plucked a flower from the grass near the sidewalk. She waddled over to her mother and handed it to her. Her mother smiled and hugged the little girl.
I never had children and often times wondered what it would have been like if I did. After choosing to live forever, the possibility of being a mother was no more. Of course, living longer seemed like a better choice than having a child at the time, but now I’m not so sure. Before I changed, I probably would have made a decent mother, and at least I would something to leave behind. In a way I could have lived on, but who seldom thinks of those things when they are young. I only wanted a life I didn’t have, and unfortunately, I had many I didn’t want.
More people flocked the sidewalk of the park and their heartbeats infiltrated my mind. I decided it was best to take the trail by the road, as I could drown out the heartbeats with the sounds of honking and yelling. I quickly made my way and for the time being the heartbeats were replaced with the sounds of city life.
It’s strange to look at a city and realize how much it has changed. No longer do buggies and carriages crowd the streets, but now cars seem to have taken their place. If people who don’t live for forever think time flies by, try watching as a city goes from being the dirtiest place to becoming one of the most memorable places in the world. It feels like I blinked and suddenly I entered into another time. It probably doesn’t help that when my emotions went so did a lot of memories and soon everything blurred together. I guess another that’s just another side effect they forgot to mention in the plot to live for forever.
Soon, the cars weren’t enough and the beating in my head grew louder. My numb sensation began to melt and soon I was engulfed in a sense of hunger.
Unfortunately, as I tried to keep my feelings of hunger dormant, they would always arise and before I knew it, I would lose control. The beating hearts were replaced by the sound of pumping blood and soon everyone looked like a pulsing meal. I tried to keep calm, and not lose control of myself, but I knew I had to act fast or the sensation would never go away and I would act irrationally. I watched as a man lit a cigarette and walked briskly into an alley. I quickly crossed the street and followed him.
Before he could even understand what was happening, I pinned him against the wall and bit right into the side of his neck. Blood seeped through the puncture wounds and no longer did I feel hungry or numb, but suddenly I was encased with a plethora of emotions. Happiness, relief, anger, sadness, joy, and forever, for the briefest of moments, wasn’t as long as I had made it out to be. However, as all the blood drained, so did my sudden range of emotions and as soon as the man was left dry, I let go of his lifeless body and watched it as it sank to the ground. I became numb once again, and every sensation and emotion from before was nothing, but a fading memory. I wiped my mouth and began to rush away from the scene. I soon fell back into my familiar sense of nothingness and continued on my usual routine walk. 
Forever has more than a hopeful jingle to it, but it also has a deadly consequence. I never realized that forever would change who I was or what I was. No one tells you that along with staying young and living on for entirety, you also become a monster. Something no one realizes is that death comes in many forms, and that just because you may walk and talk, it doesn’t mean you are alive.  I never understood that forever meant losing all touch with myself and with reality. I didn’t realize that in granting one childish wish, I would lose the potential for love, happiness, and cause destruction to so many other lives. Mostly, I never realized that forever was a death sentence to my humanity hidden under the encouraging promise of life.




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