We went to the grassy fields to celebrate Valentine’s Day, but all of a sudden, groundhogs began popping out of nowhere. It was like that game where rats dug holes through the soil and you had to hit them with a toy hammer to win a prize. One groundhog had a round, creepy-looking head shaped like the top half of a Kinder Surprise Easter Egg. Its red, veiny, bulging eyes glared at us as if it was going to explode with all the pent-up nuclear heat inside. We shrivelled together, hand in hand, scared to death. The groundhog started to swell up as its muscles expanded and shrank in a steady, one-two-one-two military marching beat, each time growing larger and larger, until it finally exploded with a loud *POP*! There were other groundhogs, including blue ones with owl noses, purple ones with pink earrings, green ones with white, angel-bat-complex wings and claws of a pterodactyl., pitch-tar black ones that spiffed soft, dusty and powdery soot-smoke as well as a legion of uniquely mutated beings, otherwise unnamed. The weedless meadows were as healthy and bright, lime-green as neon lights flashed in an LMFAO concert, and each blade of grass was shaped like a 2D leaf from some Japanese chibi video game. The yellow stems pulsed happy cosmic radiation as the leaves swung back-and-forth, back-and-forth to the tune of children’s instrumental Caramelldansen, set in the key of E Major. To put it bluntly, it was creepy. The groundhogs were scary. What really freaked me out, though, was Amélie. She began to laugh hysterically, at the very zenith of her voice range – she was an opera singer who played the “Queen of the Night Aria” in Mozart’s “Magic Flute” – wearing a maniacal green grin that made me want to go crazy too. The noble savage… Amélie… are you fine? Ahaha, I’m well! Well! She grinned cheesily at me, stupidly and with great vulgarity for sure, but wholeheartedly and with true madness! That song by Katy Perry – “ET” (Extraterrestrial) – began to unreel in my non-existent head. This was madness! Lord, I cannot maintain my sanity no more – steal way this insane, clutched sanity – and lend me to the fanaticism of the dark side!