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Downfall

Fingers slip.




I watch as he falls. The rain made it impossible for him to hold on any longer. The ledge was too small for nice weather, much less this downfall. The street and city lights below him almost make it look like he wasn’t falling, but rather flying upward into the stars of the heavens.




His eyes are still locked on mine. Even now, as he hurtles farther and farther away from me, I can feel them boring into me. I can still see them in my mind. They were full of questions. He didn’t understand. And now, I guess he never would.




Below, cars honk as he reaches his final destination. I slowly stand and make my way away from the edge of the building. The cops would probably be up here soon to check the scene. They’ll probably rule his death as suicide. After all, he did have a very troubled life and no one he knows has a clue about me. I was his little secret.



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glamouriizeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 25 at 8:54 pm:
Ah a wonderful piece. It surely left me wanting to read more. You can really feel the questions and answers just lingering in the air so I really like this. :)
 
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E.J.MathewsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 23 at 9:55 am:
Very good. You created a very intricate story in not very many words at all. You let the reader's imgaination take hold and fill in the blanks. Great job.
 
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Hanban12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 21 at 5:14 pm:
Wow! I love it! I love how you keep it a secret how he REALLY died, and i love how the reader can leave it to his/her own imagination as to what happens next. Awesome detail and imagery! Im really impressed!! :P Your such an amazing writer!
 
guardianofthestarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 21 at 6:21 pm :
Aww, Thanks. :) You're too kind.
 
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whiteroseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 4 at 4:23 pm:
WOW!!! It's so short and I think that's what makes it so GREAT!  There's no long introductions, you just drop the bomb on the readers.  I loved it :)  I also like how you put the rain and the 'jumper' into the title.  Downfall, that's a super creative name :) Keep writing :)
 
guardianofthestarsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 4 at 9:01 pm :
Thank you! :D I'm glad your caught onto the title like that. :)
 
AthenaMarisaDeterminedbyFateThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 10:27 pm :
It's kind of scary in an odd way, and I really like that about it. I like the creepy feel from the end where you realize it's sort of from the point of view of the person who killed him, and I love stories like that. We so often get into the victim or the bystander's mind, but we rarely get the point of view of the killer. There were a couple grammatical errors I noticed (past/present tense, little things like that) but the story was great!
 
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