This is the story of a perfectly sane man.
This perfectly sane man lives on the perfectly normal street of Edgar Drive, and lives in the perfectly fine state of Wisconsin.
He has the perfectly normal and sane name of Jonathan Limbs.
Even though Jonathan prides himself on being normal, sane, and perfect, others would tell you he is a maniac; insane and frantically disturbed. His perfectly symmetrical white house is just a warning sign on a dark highway.
Every morning Jonathan wakes up at 8:15 exactly, and walks to the diner wearing the only pair of clothes he owns; a white T-shirt and washed out blue jeans. Both stink of Chinese takeout and maple syrup.
He finishes his breakfast in exactly eight minutes, and returns to his home, where he removes his clothing.
He lies naked on his floor an hour-and-a-half exactly.
Jonathan gets up promptly, and goes to greet his neighbors and make small talk. He twitches as he does so.
You see, Jonathan Limbs filters his world to be perfectly symmetrical and even. Everything about him is identical. Every day of every year he greets his neighbors with the same words at the same time. The conversation topic is always the same: “Have you seen the new movie? I haven’t.” He then leaves after forty-two minutes, saying he has to take his dog outside, even though his dog died several weeks ago.
Yes, everything about Jonathan was the same, until one day the small street of Edgar Drive would never be the same.
Some high school seniors thought it would be funny to pull a prank on Jonathan. See if they could make the fault line in his head cause a mental earthquake. And that they did.
One day, when returning from his normal and routine walk to the diner, Jonathan returned to his house to find bright, vivid red paint smeared on the right side of his perfectly balanced house. Jonathan drops his morning paper and begins to smile, if only slightly.
The neighbors and residents of Edgar Drive began to get nervous. Jonathan has broken his daily routine by sprinting to the hardware store.
Jonathan returns from the store holding cans upon cans of fresh lighter fluid and kerosene. He enters his house and begins pouring the sticky, flammable liquid all over the perfectly white walls and perfectly symmetrical floors. Every inch of his house is covered within ten minutes.
The neighborhood stood and held their breath.
Everybody watched as Jonathan giggled and lit a single match, and threw it at the house. The perfectly balanced house bursts into a perfectly symmetrical wall of flame.
Jonathan rips his clothes off until he is naked, and laughs until his head falls off. He lays in the road naked laughing as beads of sweat drip from his brow.
He listens as the panic ensues throughout the neighborhood. Phones dial 911. The fire spreads. The people run. Jonathan lays in the street.