I remember running out of the house with the bundle of blankets that belonged in my sisters crib. I watched as the paramedics tried to resuscitate her lifeless body. Her lips were blue from no oxygen and her rosy cheeks had turned dull and gray. I was calling Sienna’s name over and over as the ambulance driver held me back from the scene, trying to keep me from going into shock.
That was two years ago. Since then my parents have been missing, and there is no trace of their whereabouts. When they exhumed my sister’s body for autopsy and soon after ruled it a murder case. They had found cotton fibers in her lungs from the blanket that was used to suffocate her. The fibers had matched a blanket that was on my bed.
The police had me on the list of suspects and had scrummaged up enough evidence to put me on trial for murder. Fortunately, they didn’t have enough evidence to convict me. I was found not guilty of first degree murder and let go the next day. They didn’t have enough evidence to prove a had any part of my parent’s disappearance either. Both cases are still open, and neither have had a brake.
I was left with no family, and I was entered into foster care. None of my relatives wanted to take me in due to my case that had been televised. They didn’t want the psychotic child who was suspected of murder living in their house. Now, I live with a foster family who I barely ever talk to. I turn 18 in a few weeks, and after that I’m on my own.
My mom used to sing me to sleep at night. Of course, I was younger then. Sometimes when I can’t fall asleep, I lay in bed and try to recall the tune she would hum. I have no luck, I never do. All my memories have floated away with them. I just wish they would come home to me.
Every time I close my eyes, nightmares terrorize my dreams. I see myself smiling and happy. Then my straight white teeth turn to jagged shards of glass, my hair turns matted and dirty. But the most haunting of all, my fingers turn into giant knives, dripping with bright red blood. Whenever this nightmare occurs I wake up sweating and shaking. I curl myself into a ball and hide under my covers, but not matter how hard I try, I can never hide from myself.
One of the families I stayed with took me to the sleep clinic. The doctor told us I have a dream anxiety disorder. I went to psychotherapy for awhile, but my next foster family refused to take me. They said it would interfere with their lives and they had no time for me.
During school, I have spurts of memory loss. I’ll be taking a test, I’ll black out, and I wake when the bell goes off, my test already done and turned in. Whenever I get my test back it’s always an 100%.
Today is like any other day. My alarm goes off at 5:30 and I slap the off button. I’m covered in sweat again, my nightmare is burned into my head like a sudden flash of lightening.
Turning on the shower, I slip out of my bathroom quietly. Trying not to wake anyone asleep in the house. I run downstairs and turn the coffee maker on. Bill and Linda won’t allow me to drink coffee, they always hide the coffee beans in a new place every week. I scoot a chair over to the cupboard above the microwave. A minute later I return to the Mr. Coffee Maker and pour fresh coffee beans into the pop out dispenser.
Out of the corner of my eye I see a piece of scrap paper laying neatly on the counter:
Dear Annie,
We took the kids to visit their grandmother in Wisconsin. We will be back in a few weeks. If you need groceries there is $50 in the kitchen drawer by the phone. Please call the next door neighbors in case of an emergency.
XOXOXO
- Linda and Bob Carrot
I crumble the note and toss it in the trash. They’ve done this to me four times this year, I don’t really mind. Getting away from those bratty twins always feels like a vacation. I grab my coffee cup and slip upstairs to the steaming hot shower.
_____________________________
I’m stuck inside another nightmare that I can not pull myself out of. I’m dragging a heavy bundle behind me on the ground. I can feel myself smirking, and sticky liquid id running down my arm. I’m in the woods surrounded by dense darkness that cannot be penetrated.
All the sudden I find myself at the edge of a hole, that is dug deep in the ground. I pull the large object in front of me. I look down and my mother’s bright blue eyes stare back at me. Glistening with tears as she whispers to me why.
The voice that comes from my throat is not mine. It’s deeper and I’m startled. “Because I can.” I kick my mother into the hole.
I jolt awake. “Finally you’re awake! Took long enough.” The voice from my dream is now reality.
“Hey, I’m not gonna hurt ya, okay? I’m you. Well, not really you, just another personality you have. My names Kerrie. You finally realized I’m here, huh? Iv’e always been here, you just never acknowledged it. Yes, that dream you just had actually happened too, I knew you were gonna ask it.”
“Why?” I barely managed a croak.
“Oh, they were holding us back. They had to go. They were never gonna let us have freedom of our own.”
I sit upright, and stare into the face that haunts my dreams it was never me, it was her. “And Sienna? She was only a baby how could you, she never did anything.” I’m more confident each second and my anger begins to build.
“She was an annoying brat. She got all the attention and we got none! And I know your gonna ask me how I covered my tracks. Don’t, because it’s hard to explain. It’s a long process that I don’t wanna discuss. Annie, I know you think I’m horrible for doing this, but trust me, it was for you and me. We have a better life now, can’t you see that?”
“No, I can’t. My life is terrible you killed MY family. You had no right to ruin my life, no one cares for me!”
“I do!”
“Oh my God! Bill and Linda!”
“Relax, I let them go. They won’t be around for very long though.”
“No, you have to stop! You can’t do this, I won’t let you. Leave me alone! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!”
“FINE!”
When I blinked she was gone. I slowly calm my nerves and fall into a dreamless sleep.
_____________________________
I wake up to daylight and chirping. I get out of bed and go downstairs. I turn the news on and warm up my cup of coffee in the microwave.
“Breaking news! Bill and Linda Carrot, plus their two children were found beaten to death outside of city limits yesterday. A search is being held for their foster child Annie Carter (17), whose prints were found at the scene.”
In the distance glass shatters and my coffee cup falls to the floor. I cry out and two dozen police officers storm into the house.
“You have the right to re....”
Everything goes into a haze and I feel dizzy. “Gotcha!” My face smiles at me from across the room.
That was two years ago. Since then my parents have been missing, and there is no trace of their whereabouts. When they exhumed my sister’s body for autopsy and soon after ruled it a murder case. They had found cotton fibers in her lungs from the blanket that was used to suffocate her. The fibers had matched a blanket that was on my bed.
The police had me on the list of suspects and had scrummaged up enough evidence to put me on trial for murder. Fortunately, they didn’t have enough evidence to convict me. I was found not guilty of first degree murder and let go the next day. They didn’t have enough evidence to prove a had any part of my parent’s disappearance either. Both cases are still open, and neither have had a brake.
I was left with no family, and I was entered into foster care. None of my relatives wanted to take me in due to my case that had been televised. They didn’t want the psychotic child who was suspected of murder living in their house. Now, I live with a foster family who I barely ever talk to. I turn 18 in a few weeks, and after that I’m on my own.
My mom used to sing me to sleep at night. Of course, I was younger then. Sometimes when I can’t fall asleep, I lay in bed and try to recall the tune she would hum. I have no luck, I never do. All my memories have floated away with them. I just wish they would come home to me.
Every time I close my eyes, nightmares terrorize my dreams. I see myself smiling and happy. Then my straight white teeth turn to jagged shards of glass, my hair turns matted and dirty. But the most haunting of all, my fingers turn into giant knives, dripping with bright red blood. Whenever this nightmare occurs I wake up sweating and shaking. I curl myself into a ball and hide under my covers, but not matter how hard I try, I can never hide from myself.
One of the families I stayed with took me to the sleep clinic. The doctor told us I have a dream anxiety disorder. I went to psychotherapy for awhile, but my next foster family refused to take me. They said it would interfere with their lives and they had no time for me.
During school, I have spurts of memory loss. I’ll be taking a test, I’ll black out, and I wake when the bell goes off, my test already done and turned in. Whenever I get my test back it’s always an 100%.
Today is like any other day. My alarm goes off at 5:30 and I slap the off button. I’m covered in sweat again, my nightmare is burned into my head like a sudden flash of lightening.
Turning on the shower, I slip out of my bathroom quietly. Trying not to wake anyone asleep in the house. I run downstairs and turn the coffee maker on. Bill and Linda won’t allow me to drink coffee, they always hide the coffee beans in a new place every week. I scoot a chair over to the cupboard above the microwave. A minute later I return to the Mr. Coffee Maker and pour fresh coffee beans into the pop out dispenser.
Out of the corner of my eye I see a piece of scrap paper laying neatly on the counter:
Dear Annie,
We took the kids to visit their grandmother in Wisconsin. We will be back in a few weeks. If you need groceries there is $50 in the kitchen drawer by the phone. Please call the next door neighbors in case of an emergency.
XOXOXO
- Linda and Bob Carrot
I crumble the note and toss it in the trash. They’ve done this to me four times this year, I don’t really mind. Getting away from those bratty twins always feels like a vacation. I grab my coffee cup and slip upstairs to the steaming hot shower.
_____________________________
I’m stuck inside another nightmare that I can not pull myself out of. I’m dragging a heavy bundle behind me on the ground. I can feel myself smirking, and sticky liquid id running down my arm. I’m in the woods surrounded by dense darkness that cannot be penetrated.
All the sudden I find myself at the edge of a hole, that is dug deep in the ground. I pull the large object in front of me. I look down and my mother’s bright blue eyes stare back at me. Glistening with tears as she whispers to me why.
The voice that comes from my throat is not mine. It’s deeper and I’m startled. “Because I can.” I kick my mother into the hole.
I jolt awake. “Finally you’re awake! Took long enough.” The voice from my dream is now reality.
“Hey, I’m not gonna hurt ya, okay? I’m you. Well, not really you, just another personality you have. My names Kerrie. You finally realized I’m here, huh? Iv’e always been here, you just never acknowledged it. Yes, that dream you just had actually happened too, I knew you were gonna ask it.”
“Why?” I barely managed a croak.
“Oh, they were holding us back. They had to go. They were never gonna let us have freedom of our own.”
I sit upright, and stare into the face that haunts my dreams it was never me, it was her. “And Sienna? She was only a baby how could you, she never did anything.” I’m more confident each second and my anger begins to build.
“She was an annoying brat. She got all the attention and we got none! And I know your gonna ask me how I covered my tracks. Don’t, because it’s hard to explain. It’s a long process that I don’t wanna discuss. Annie, I know you think I’m horrible for doing this, but trust me, it was for you and me. We have a better life now, can’t you see that?”
“No, I can’t. My life is terrible you killed MY family. You had no right to ruin my life, no one cares for me!”
“I do!”
“Oh my God! Bill and Linda!”
“Relax, I let them go. They won’t be around for very long though.”
“No, you have to stop! You can’t do this, I won’t let you. Leave me alone! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!”
“FINE!”
When I blinked she was gone. I slowly calm my nerves and fall into a dreamless sleep.
_____________________________
I wake up to daylight and chirping. I get out of bed and go downstairs. I turn the news on and warm up my cup of coffee in the microwave.
“Breaking news! Bill and Linda Carrot, plus their two children were found beaten to death outside of city limits yesterday. A search is being held for their foster child Annie Carter (17), whose prints were found at the scene.”
In the distance glass shatters and my coffee cup falls to the floor. I cry out and two dozen police officers storm into the house.
“You have the right to re....”
Everything goes into a haze and I feel dizzy. “Gotcha!” My face smiles at me from across the room.
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