It’s been three months, but it seems like it happened yesterday, and because it feels like that, the pain and fear comes along with it. I’ve always been told accidents happen. This is one accident that can never be repaired. I wake up every morning terrified that someone will find out my secret. One afternoon in school, I doze off during a slideshow in Chemistry, after an extremely restless night. My mind replays the entire incident before I slightly stir awake. No one notices that I had a nightmare. I look down and see that my fingers are trembling. I long to tell someone this horrible secret that’s plaguing me, but no one can know because my life would be ruined forever. I ask to use the bathroom and once there, tears stream down my face as I struggle to breathe. I walk back to class numbly, unaware of concerned teacher gazes.
As I walk home after school, I visit the place where it happened. The memory comes flooding back to me all at once. It’s enough to make me break down right on the spot.
My grades in school have been slipping. Mom passes it off as just normal teenager stress, but I know better. It’s because when things are quiet, my mind goes into overdrive and all I can thing about is the accident. Therefore, I can’t do my homework or pass quizzes and tests when all I can think about is what’s going to happen if someone finds out I’m responsible. It’s been three months. I feel like if someone found out anything, they would’ve told the world by now. But what if it’s just bound to happen? What if someone saw and they’re waiting until the right moment to confess? What if I was on a video camera and someone sees the footage after all this time?
Jordan comes up to me the next day at school.
“Hey, Becca, can you meet me at the warehouse on Thursday? I just want to talk about Danielle with someone who was close to her.”
Danielle. The very name sends shivers up my spine. She committed suicide about three and a half months ago. I simply nod and walk in the other direction. Jordan was Danielle’s boyfriend and he loved her a lot.
Today was Tuesday. Two whole days of living in fear about how to talk about her. How do you talk about someone who decided that they weren’t worth it?
My parents are out that night for a while, so I’m on my own for the night. Being in an empty house is the worst. The slightest noise is someone who found out about me and is coming after me. I go to sleep early and have another nightmare about the accident. Everything is extremely vivid. I jolt awake in my own bed, sweating and panting. My throat feels raw because I’ve been screaming all night.
Thursday couldn’t get here fast enough. I hope that Jordan will be able to provide some relief from my horrid memories. I walk into the warehouse slowly. Jordan isn’t here yet, but I can feel Danielle’s presence. Jordan comes up behind me and scares me a little.
“What made her do it?” he asks me. “What made her think that she was so worthless to the world?” He turns to me. “She had so much more life in her.”
I look into his eyes and see a deep hurt. If only he knew how his words were affecting me.
Suddenly, I feel an unimaginable pain so sharp in my stomach, I can’t speak. I look down and see a knife protruding from my stomach with Jordan’s hand on it. I look into his eyes again.
“That’s for Danielle.”
He knew my secret the entire time. He then yanks the knife out, slightly twisting it as he pulls. If I thought the pain from the knife stabbing me was awful, when he pulls it out, the pain increases by ten times as much. I collapse on the ground in agony. He throws the knife down beside me and walks away. As I lay dying, I recount the accident for the last time.
Danielle and I weren’t best friends, but we were getting closer by the day. We loved to talk in the warehouse because it was so private. No one bugged us and sometimes, we even became little girls again and played around as heroes saving those in distress. One day, older guys who I knew were out of high school came parading in and said that they were taking the warehouse from us. It was their territory. We left after that, but always came back the next day. I’m not sure why. I guess we just hoped that they were kidding and would leave us and the warehouse alone. But they always came back and so did we. After about a week, the men threatened to kill us if we came back again.
We both got really nervous, but I wasn’t letting them take away our safe haven. I went up to my father’s room and grabbed his handgun. He had taught me how to load it and use it. I didn’t plan on actually shooting anyone. I just wanted to scare them into backing off. Danielle and I went to the warehouse, and sure enough, so did the men. I pulled out the gun and threatened to shoot them if they didn’t stay away from us. One of the men darted up to me and I pulled the trigger. But the man moved my arm so that the bullet went straight for Danielle’s head…
It all happened so fast after that. The men saw the blood and entry wound and ran away and I knew they wouldn’t be coming back. I ran to Danielle and tried to keep her awake and alive, but it was no use. The bullet had made direct contact with her and she closed her eyes forever. I screamed over and over and over again. Some people were passing the warehouse and heard my screams. They ran in and saw the body. I couldn’t tell them that I accidently shot her, so I told her I found her like this. She talked about feeling worthless and must’ve come here and committed suicide. They believed me and so did everyone else who heard the story. I was the only one who knew the truth.
I hold my stomach as blood pours from the hole Jordan left. My hands are drenched in blood. I close my eyes and know that they are not going to open again. Now Jordan has his own secret. I wonder if this would haunt him as much as killing Danielle haunted me. In a way, I got what I wanted. Jordan provided relief from my awful secret.
For the first time in almost four months, I feel free.
As I walk home after school, I visit the place where it happened. The memory comes flooding back to me all at once. It’s enough to make me break down right on the spot.
My grades in school have been slipping. Mom passes it off as just normal teenager stress, but I know better. It’s because when things are quiet, my mind goes into overdrive and all I can thing about is the accident. Therefore, I can’t do my homework or pass quizzes and tests when all I can think about is what’s going to happen if someone finds out I’m responsible. It’s been three months. I feel like if someone found out anything, they would’ve told the world by now. But what if it’s just bound to happen? What if someone saw and they’re waiting until the right moment to confess? What if I was on a video camera and someone sees the footage after all this time?
Jordan comes up to me the next day at school.
“Hey, Becca, can you meet me at the warehouse on Thursday? I just want to talk about Danielle with someone who was close to her.”
Danielle. The very name sends shivers up my spine. She committed suicide about three and a half months ago. I simply nod and walk in the other direction. Jordan was Danielle’s boyfriend and he loved her a lot.
Today was Tuesday. Two whole days of living in fear about how to talk about her. How do you talk about someone who decided that they weren’t worth it?
My parents are out that night for a while, so I’m on my own for the night. Being in an empty house is the worst. The slightest noise is someone who found out about me and is coming after me. I go to sleep early and have another nightmare about the accident. Everything is extremely vivid. I jolt awake in my own bed, sweating and panting. My throat feels raw because I’ve been screaming all night.
Thursday couldn’t get here fast enough. I hope that Jordan will be able to provide some relief from my horrid memories. I walk into the warehouse slowly. Jordan isn’t here yet, but I can feel Danielle’s presence. Jordan comes up behind me and scares me a little.
“What made her do it?” he asks me. “What made her think that she was so worthless to the world?” He turns to me. “She had so much more life in her.”
I look into his eyes and see a deep hurt. If only he knew how his words were affecting me.
Suddenly, I feel an unimaginable pain so sharp in my stomach, I can’t speak. I look down and see a knife protruding from my stomach with Jordan’s hand on it. I look into his eyes again.
“That’s for Danielle.”
He knew my secret the entire time. He then yanks the knife out, slightly twisting it as he pulls. If I thought the pain from the knife stabbing me was awful, when he pulls it out, the pain increases by ten times as much. I collapse on the ground in agony. He throws the knife down beside me and walks away. As I lay dying, I recount the accident for the last time.
Danielle and I weren’t best friends, but we were getting closer by the day. We loved to talk in the warehouse because it was so private. No one bugged us and sometimes, we even became little girls again and played around as heroes saving those in distress. One day, older guys who I knew were out of high school came parading in and said that they were taking the warehouse from us. It was their territory. We left after that, but always came back the next day. I’m not sure why. I guess we just hoped that they were kidding and would leave us and the warehouse alone. But they always came back and so did we. After about a week, the men threatened to kill us if we came back again.
We both got really nervous, but I wasn’t letting them take away our safe haven. I went up to my father’s room and grabbed his handgun. He had taught me how to load it and use it. I didn’t plan on actually shooting anyone. I just wanted to scare them into backing off. Danielle and I went to the warehouse, and sure enough, so did the men. I pulled out the gun and threatened to shoot them if they didn’t stay away from us. One of the men darted up to me and I pulled the trigger. But the man moved my arm so that the bullet went straight for Danielle’s head…
It all happened so fast after that. The men saw the blood and entry wound and ran away and I knew they wouldn’t be coming back. I ran to Danielle and tried to keep her awake and alive, but it was no use. The bullet had made direct contact with her and she closed her eyes forever. I screamed over and over and over again. Some people were passing the warehouse and heard my screams. They ran in and saw the body. I couldn’t tell them that I accidently shot her, so I told her I found her like this. She talked about feeling worthless and must’ve come here and committed suicide. They believed me and so did everyone else who heard the story. I was the only one who knew the truth.
I hold my stomach as blood pours from the hole Jordan left. My hands are drenched in blood. I close my eyes and know that they are not going to open again. Now Jordan has his own secret. I wonder if this would haunt him as much as killing Danielle haunted me. In a way, I got what I wanted. Jordan provided relief from my awful secret.
For the first time in almost four months, I feel free.
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