Magazine, website & books written by teens since 1989

Jodi Picoult Imitation Piece: The Promise

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
The Apple Store, the Mall
Dec. 21st, 2010
4:27 PM

Ipod Touch. Sixty-something gigs or gags or whatever. Something ridiculous. Where are those freaking computer experts when you need them?
This is what Ella was thinking about when she heard the piercing explosion of sound. Her next thought, which seemed pretty justified in that all-too-close-to-the-holidays moment was "I hope that wasn't at Coach. Julie wants a freaking gift card."

123 Appletree Lane
Dec. 16th, 2010
2:51 AM

Aaron was lying in bed, talking to his beautiful girlfriend on the phone, just like every other blissful night since mid-June. He had called her at midnight to wish her a happy anniversary. It was their 6-month. The next day, when he finally got to see her after a long week apart, he was going to give her the promise ring that had once belonged to his mother, before she left. He remembered that day well. He was nine years old; that age where you're blissfully ignorant, contentedly thinking that all mommies cry, all daddies hit mommies, and that all mommies leave. One day, she just calmly took the promise ring off, along with her engagement ring and wedding band, and left the house with nothing. Aaron never saw her again. She never wrote, called, or anything. She just vanished into thin air. He imagined her sometimes, with another family that loved her and a husband who treated her right. That had made made him happy for a while, until his father started to take out his frustration on him. Then, he was just jealous and angry. Why should she get to leave, when he was stuck in the house of horrors? But it didn't matter. Now the ring was going to someone who deserved it. Her name was Julie. God, he loved her so much. He loved the sound of her voice, the smell of her golden hair, the feeling of wrapping his arms around her delicate waist, and the spark of their kiss. She was perfect in every single way Aaron could imagine. He couldn't picture his life without her in it.
"Aaron, honey," she said on the night that changed everything. "I don't really know how to say this, and I really hope that you'll forgive me someday, but I've been cheating on you. With Mike. I think we should break up. I'm so sorry."
Oh. Well that changes things.

Johnny Rocket's, the Mall
Dec. 21st, 2010
4:24 PM

In some ways, Julie was thrilled to be rid of Aaron. It's not that she didn't love him, because she did. He just got so clingy sometimes. And other times, these ridiculous things would come out of his mouth. She clutched the necklace that he had once given her, and remembered what he said when he handed it over.
"What would you do if we were the only two people left on earth? A lot of the time, I wish that's how it was. I want to get rid of everyone out there except for you, and then I'll be happy."
Maybe it was his tone of voice, or something to that effect, but it was a little unnerving. And plus, she just really missed being single. She wanted to go out with her friends and be allowed to flirt and have fun and hook up. She found it really unfair that she had to be home to wait for his phone call every night, or make sure that he wasn't worrying about her. So she stopped worrying about it. She went out and had fun anyway. Of course, now she felt horrible. How could she not? Aaron was such a sweet kid. And he undoubtedly loved her more than Mike ever did or would. Maybe she'd made a mistake.
She picked up another order from the counter. When she turned around, there was Aaron standing behind her looking distraught. Then she looked down and saw the gun.
"I thought you were different from my mom, love. I was wrong I guess. I'll always love you, but I have to say goodbye and let go now. Bye, darling."
The last thing she heard was a piercing explosion of sound.




Join the Discussion


This article has 25 comments. Post your own!

Eno-BladezThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 12:46 pm:
the way you write is amazing i really enjoyed reading this.
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 10:44 pm :
thank youu! made my dayy :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
xelawriter97This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 7:44 pm:
woah, that was intense and sad and amazing!!! Wonderful, beautiful work! Keep writing! :-)
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 4:31 pm :
aww thank you so muchh! glad you enjoyed it :D
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
.Izzy. said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm:
I love your writing style! It is so unique and interesting. I also liked the foreshadowing at the beginning- though I never would've guessed that it was Aaron's gun until I read the end. Good job!
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 6:14 pm :
hehe thank yoouu :) have you read anything by jodi picoult? if you have, you probably understand where this is coming from
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
musicispassion said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 5:10 pm:
this si great i love this story and i loe johnny rockets mmmm there tuna melt and chocolate sprite with a shake is my fav great story keep writing
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 6:00 pm :
thankss! :D
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Bushra G. said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 7:42 pm:
Well done. This is a style of writing I've not read too much and I'm glad I got to read it right now. I love the piece. Only thing I don't find as satisfactory is the way the quotations are put in. I kind of felt that they came out of nowhere, especially when the two broke up. I also feel like in the end, you should have given more of a description. Other than that, thumbs up!
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 7:53 pm :
thanks for your criticism! the lack of description is sort of part of the writing style i was trying to emulate, but maybe the quotes could have been done better. thank you so much for readingg :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Megan.J.B said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 6:21 pm:
Amazing job at tying the characters in, that was very well done and showed that you really thought the plot through. Plus the shock factor was amazing! The only thing I could critique is that I would've loved to feel more passion from aaron's character, but overall very well done! 
 
Megan.J.B replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 6:22 pm :
and is this an imitation of an author's writing style? or a certain book? cause I'd love to read something like this!
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 6:46 pm :
thank you so muchh! and yes, its an imitation of her writing stylee. shes one of my favorite authors. theres so much passion and emotion in her writing, which is really cool in my opinion because she writes in the third person. she also jumps around a lot in terms of the time period and which character shes focusing on, and its amazing to see how much detail goes into weaving the whole story together. shes amazing and im soo glad you liked my take on herr :) if i could suggest a book f... (more »)
 
Megan.J.B replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 10:23 pm :
i'll have to pick it up then and read it :), as i've never read a book by her before. you've definetely peaked my interest! :)
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 6:47 am :
yaaayy!! :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
WriterGirl33 said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 4:54 pm:
i really like this! the unexpected ending was great and the way you started it with an observer and then went back in time. loved it! keep writing!
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 4, 2011 at 9:15 pm :
awww thank you so muuchh :) glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading all of my pieces :)
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
chocolatechic said...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm:
Wow! I'm guessing the "Imitation" was a writing style? I really liked it! The flow was great and the ending was unexpected. I loved how you felt sympathy for both characters. I don't have much to say critique wise so I'll be nit picky and comment on how tacky Aaron's last words were. Although perhaps that was on purpose, I can see how he would be a tacky guy. You could probably make this longer if you wante, give more background on the couple, not just the mother.
 
PaRaNoRmAl627This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 25, 2011 at 11:35 pm :
yupp it was the writing stylee :) and i definitely would have loved to continue with this, but it was for a timed assignment in a creative writing class i took soo i had to cut it shortt. so glad you liked it though, thanks for readingg!
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
CarrieAnn13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 11:35 pm:
Wow, this was great!  I absolutely loved the twist at the end; that was amazing.  My only criticism is what's with the "&quot" all the time where quotation marks should be?
 
Reply to this comment Post a new comment
 
Site Feedback