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Guilty Stains

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Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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MADDOThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 7:48 am
i liked it very much.. keep up the good work
CiaraSpriggs15 said...
Nov. 4 at 2:56 pm
I am a fan of mystery stories, but this one needs work. It was interesting figuring out who killed Mr. Raw. The ending should be more dramatic to leave the readers with a gasp. I enjoyed the strong beginning with the description of the detective and the crime scene. Other than the small details, it was an interesting mystery.
MadisonCook said...
Nov. 4 at 10:09 am
I do not like this story whatsoever; the plot is choppy throughout the entire story, and it just does not flow. The ending is terrible because it had so little detail that no one can make a visual of what is happening. The ending also does not make it clear if Brown died or not.
HuntShot732This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 23 at 12:17 pm
Wait, did Brown just die?
Beauty2343 said...
Sep. 1 at 11:50 pm
This is great, i just got to ask "Is this a novel?, or an article?" I'm new so.
CrosswordKid176 said...
Aug. 16 at 7:25 pm
A bit halting... a great plot. Could you do something more with Young Brown; make him a little more appealing to the reader? Nice job!
MasterSunThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 6 at 2:14 pm
Good idea, but I felt it was too predictable,and good have used some more imagery. . .
Isabella S. said...
Jun. 9 at 11:42 pm
This was interesting, but kind of choppy. Try to make it flow better next time. Good plot though.
MehItWasOK said...
May 6 at 1:59 pm
Meh. It was ok. I like the part
Paraderps said...
Apr. 15 at 3:45 pm
This is a good story, but it would be better if it had ninjas.
AJ I AM said...
Apr. 4 at 10:06 am
Thrilled by the story. A real good plot.
The_EdgeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 5 at 2:09 pm
It was ok. Next time, try to make it longer... maybe more dramatic. I have to admit though, I would never be able to come up with a title as good as yours.
bab27 said...
Feb. 23 at 6:27 pm
Dear Author, I enjoyed your story! Crime based plots are really interesting to me. But you were lacking some small action with your characters. I think more of it would have allowed more suspense in the plot development and make the conversations a little snappier.
lilj said...
Dec. 11, 2014 at 1:54 pm
this is a good story
Mo-Con said...
Dec. 8, 2014 at 10:17 pm
Dear Author, I read your story and was pulled in by the plot. However, the ending was a let down. The lack of detail made it hard to visualize this scene. The story was choppy and need transitions. Finally, the dialouge between charecters seemed focred a little. The way it was addressed was boring were it should have been exicting. Also, in the dialouge, add some action. Maybe what the charecters are doing when talking. Otherwise it comes across as them nust standing there.   Thank yo... (more »)
Mo-Con replied...
Dec. 8, 2014 at 10:19 pm
My deepest apoligizes, Just not nust    And sorry for other things spelt wrong
Mo-Con said...
Dec. 7, 2014 at 10:59 pm
Dear Author,   This story was very intresting with a nice plot. I do admire your creativty but I do beleif that the story could have been addressed differently. The story was very choppy with little transitions and dialouge was needed in certian places to easy the story along. Thank you for reading, Mo-Con
liljoesph replied...
Dec. 11, 2014 at 1:56 pm
Mo-Con replied...
Feb. 13 at 1:37 pm
@liljoeph I do believe this story is good, but there are always things to approve upon. I do like the authors plot, and story line. We are all implied to our thoughts, and I personally think there were things that needed to be approved. Thank you, Mo-Con
helloworld500 said...
Nov. 16, 2014 at 4:04 pm
I think that the interview was a bit unrealistic. I mean, any self-respecting woman wouldn't just matter-of-factly speak to any old guy about the abuse she took from her husband a few nights before. It would take some effort to get that much personal information out of her.
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