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INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
10:00pm on a Thursday. Charlie, Johnny and Will are in the apartment.
CHARLIE
Take your clothes off dude. Let's wrestle.
WILL
Why do we have to take our clothes off?
CHARLIE
Because it makes it more of a fair fight
WILL
Why wouldn't it be a fair fight if we had our clothes on?
CHARLIE
Just take your god damn clothes off! That's how the Romans use to do it
WILL
Okay Okay fine
Will and Charlie both proceed to take all of their clothes off down to their underwear and socks. They then move all of the furniture towards the edges of the apartment to make more room for them. Johnny takes out his iPhone and starts to film them.
WILL
We need to keep our socks on, orgasms are better with your socks on.
They both get into a wresting stance. Charlie then grabs Will around the waist and throws him down. They both roll around on the ground for a while showing no sign that they know how to wrestle. Will then gets Charlie's arm into a lock and make him tap out.
CHARLIE
God dammit! That f***ing hurt my arm man!
WILL
Ah f***! I scraped the s*** out of my knee. Let’s arm wrestle instead...
CHARLIE
No I can’t arm wrestle, I hurt my arm last time I did that.
JOHNNY
Use your left arms...
CHARLIE
No, that won't work. I could still mess up my arm that way
JOHNNY
Leg wrestle!
CHARLIE
I’m down with that
WILL
Let’s do it!
Will and Charlie then get down on their backs in the middle of the room, while still only in their underwear. They get in the scissoring position and lock their legs together. they begin to push as hard as they can, but they both are just as strong as each other so their legs simply stay locked together in one place.
They then begin to push even harder which leads to them both to let out loud grunts and screams at the top of their lungs.
CHARLIE
Aaaaahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
WILL
UUGGHHHHHGHHHHHHGHHGHHHH!!!
Al and his girlfriend Hanna enter through the front door wheeling in large suitcases. The first thing they see is Charlie and Will on the floor in their underwear scissoring and grunting loudly while Johnny is filming.
After they enter, everyone stops for a moment of silence, shocked.
AL
What the hell has been going on here since i left?
JOHNNY
Uhh...we invented a new sport called leg wrestling. You want to be next?
AL
No
INT. AL'S ROOM. NIGHT CONT'D
Al and Hanna enter with their suitcases. Immediately as they enter the room, a large white rabbit jumps out from under his bed. It startles both of them and Hanna drops all of her things.
The rabbit then runs out of the room and out the front door.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. NIGHT CONT'D
Charlie, Will and Johnny all see the rabbit run out the front door.
WILL
Jefferson!
Will runs outside and chases after the rabbit. Al enters the living room.
AL
What the hell! Why is there a rabbit in my room?!
EXT. COUNTY FAIR. DAY
Charlie, Will, and Johnny are at the fair wandering around the barn with all of the animals on display. Johnny sees a big white rabbit and grabs it out of the cage.
V.O.
After many many shots of rum and tequila, the guys decided that it would be a good idea to steal a white rabbit from the fair. They believed it was good luck because of the song White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane. I think they misinterpreted the meaning of the song.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. NIGHT CONT'D
AL
You stole a rabbit from the fair?
JOHNNY
(Long Pause)
Yeah pretty much.
AL
Then why was it in my room?
JOHNNY
Well as soon as we got it home it just ran in there. You must have some oats or berries lying around in their somewhere because he just went right for your room.
AL
No, I don't have any food there
CHARLIE
We were gonna get a cage for it but...
HANNA
(From Al's room)
There's rabbit s*** all over the floor!
AL
God dammit!
Will enters the front door empty handed
WILL
I lost him! You shouldn't have let him out.
AL
It's my fault? You guys are the worst roommates ever! I need to talk to all of you guys right now. House meeting!
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
Charlie, Will, and Johnny are all sitting on the cough side by side while Al is standing up in front of the couch facing them.
AL
Okay, the first thing we need to do is set up some ground rules for what should and shouldn't go on in this house.
JOHNNY
Good good I want to propose some rules as well. First, why do you get to stand over there while we get to sit down here?
WILL
I second this rule
CHARLIE
Third
JOHNNY
You're asserting some sort of power over us when you do this.
AL
Of course I am, I'm the one who called the meeting.
JOHNNY
I propose that we make some sort of knights of the round table style meeting.
CHARLIE
Well then we need to get a circular table.
WILL
They've got one a few apartments down, we can just steal theirs.
AL
No! We are not going to steal any more things!
JOHNNY
Well then how do you propose that we get a round table for our knights of the round table meetings?
AL
We are not having knights of the round table meetings, and we don't need a round table. Let’s just get on with the meeting.
CHARLIE
Okay good let’s get on with the meeting. First issue, you and Hanna need to keep it down in there when you're having sex. Every night it sounds like there's a swarm of raccoons in there.
AL
We're not supposed to be talking about me right now. We're supposed to be talking about your invasion of my privacy!
INT. FILM STUDIO SET. DAY
Crew members roam around the set moving lighting and sound equipment. They are all getting ready and setting up for the scene that they are about to shoot. The director is in the corner of the room talking to the main actors about their characters and giving them instructions. Charlie is standing in the back of the room eating food off of the food cart. He is dressed in full zombie attire...bloody and pale face. Ricky joins him at the food cart, also dressed in a zombie costume.
V.O.
Charlie moonlights as a movie extra. Being a zombie was his specialty. He had already been in several zombie films.
RICKY
Al Pacino told me once that you should never eat off of the food cart on a set.
CHARLIE
Do you always listen to what movie stars tell you?
RICKY
(Laughs)
You've been in a lot of zombie movies right? I mean...you're pretty good at being a zombie, right?
CHARLIE
Well I did win the EAG award for best zombie performance two years in a row.
V.O.
That award doesn't exist. Neither does the EAG.
RICKY
Really?! You've got to give me some advice man, I'm so damn nervous. I've never portrayed a zombie before.
CHARLIE
No problem my good man, I’ll be glad to help. My first and most important advice to you is that just because zombies are dead, it doesn't they don't have feelings.
RICKY
Uh Huh...
CHARLIE
Just think of Michael Jackson in the thriller video minus the awesome dance moves...and the child raping of course. Although, we can’t be so sure that zombies don't rape people.
RICKY
Wasn't Michael Jackson a werewolf in the thriller video?
CHARLIE
A werewolf?
RICKY
Yeah he actually was a werewolf.
CHARLIE
(Laughing)
Oh you're so naive. Let me see your best zombie impersonation.
Ricky then begins to moan and grunt and sway side to side as a zombie.
CHARLIE
No no no...That’s all wrong!
RICKY
What? What was wrong with that?
CHARLIE
You have no passion! It's not about the mechanics of it, it's about feeling it and embracing the emotions of the character.
RICKY
But it's a zombie! Zombies don't have feelings, they just want to eat people. That's they're only motivation!
CHARLIE
Take it from the one with the experience. I know what I'm talking about.
RICKY
Whatever man, I have to go. I'll see you later.
Ricky exits after taking a handful of mini muffins from the food cart.
CHARLIE
Good luck!
(To himself)
Damn. Someone's got some anger issues.
EXT. BEACH. DAY
A tall man with a beard, Stoli, lays out on the beach drinking bear with his friend Houston. Will enters and joins them.
WILL
Stoli! What's up my man?!
STOLI
Hey Willie! What the hell do you want?
WILL
I'm glad I found you, I need to ask you for a favor...
STOLI
Sure what's up?
WILL
I'm throwing a surprise party for one of my friends at my place on Saturday night, and I need to you to bring your bumpin sound system and hopefully you could invite some of your friends as well.
STOLI
Alright that sounds like fun, man. What's the occasion for the party?
WILL
Oh he broke up with his girlfriend so we're celebrating!
STOLI
Nice! Sounds good my man, I’ll see you there at eight with all of my equipment to set up.
WILL
Thank you! I owe you one.
STOLI
Dude you owe me like ten.
WILL
Ooooh well I'll pay you back I swear.
STOLI
Yeah whatever
INT. AL'S ROOM. DAY
Al sits in a chair at one side of the room while Hanna sits on the bed with her legs dangling off of the side at the other end of the room.

AL
Do we really have to go to this? I'm pretty sure none of them like me at all.
HANNA
Of course you have too. First of all, you should have to come, you should want to come. Second of all, I don't care if they like you or not. I like you, so who cares about them.
AL
Do I have to talk to your dad?
HANNA
Yes.
AL
That guy creeps me out.
HANNA
How does my dad creep you out?
AL
Seriously?
V.O.
Al and her father Hank had originally gotten off to a bad start.
INT. HANNA’S PARENTS HOUSE. DAY.
Al, Hanna, Hank and Hanna’s mom all sit at the dinner table eating steak, steamed vegetables and potatoes.
HANK
(To Hanna)
So which boyfriend is this again?
HANNA
I’ve told you a thousand times dad. This is Al.
HANK
Hal?
HANNA
Al
HANK
Hal?
AL
Al.
HANK
It sounds like you’re saying it with an “H”
AL
No, there’s no “H” in it.
HANK
Are you sure?
AL
Yeah there’s definitely no “H”
HANK
So your name is Al?
(Long pause)
What the hell kind of name is that?
AL
It’s a normal name. It’s short for Albert.
HANK
Oh okay, I see. So then your name is Bert.
AL
No, it’s AL. Like Al Pacino...
HANK
Who the hell is that? Is he that piano player? The one from England?
HANNA’S MOM
Billy Joel?
AL
Elton John?
HANK
Yeah that’s the one. I think he’s gay too. I used to be gay once. That was a good couple of years.
INT. AL’S ROOM. DAY. CONT’D
HANNA
Okay, I see your point.
AL
Exactly!
HANNA
But I would still really appreciate it if you did go. I want you to be there.
(Long pause)
Please...
AL
Okay, fine. I’ll go.
HANNA
Thank you.
They open the door to enter into the living room to leave. As they open the door, Charlie jumps at them dressed in his full zombie costume. Hanna and Al let out a horrified scream. Charlie laughs.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. DAY CONT'D
Al and Hanna exit Al's room and he leads her to the front door, and kisses her as she leaves. He closes the door and sits on the couch next to Johnny as he is watching TV.
AL
What're you watching?
JOHNNY
I have no idea.
V.O.
He really did have no idea what he was watching. He had previously been watching hard-core porn, but as Al and Hanna walked in he had frantically changed it to a random channel.
AL
I have a question for you...
JOHNNY
Sure, what's up?
AL
How do you have to guts to do all of those crazy things that you do? The only motivation you have to do those things are just to have fun. I don't think I could ever have the balls to do what you do.
JOHNNY
Things like what?
AL
Well things like stealing a live animal from the fair for example...or climbing onto the roof of a random house and shooting fireworks into the ocean...or trying to drive your car in through the front door of a 7/11...
JOHNNY
(Laughing)
Oh yeah, that was fun. Well you just need to have a gritty personality, which you don't have. Also you have to have the same outlook on life that i do.
AL
And what outlook is that?
JOHNNY
Well it’s kind of a philosophical outlook. There is a lot of intelligence to back up my madness. I realized a long time ago that I don't necessarily need to do what people tell me to do. I just don't let fear run my life, I let fun and curiosity run my life. I've finally figured that I can’t listen to the rules that our parents told us that we need to live by. Those are the rules that you live by. I just feel more comfortable with myself if I make the rules for my own life from what I learn from my own experiences.
AL
(He ponders this theory for a moment)
Well that is very profound John
JOHNNY
Thanks. What can I say, I'm an intellectual.
(He then takes a large bite out of an apple that makes a loud crunch)
You should really try thinking like me, it'll change your life. You're always worried and stressed about something. People like you die of a heart attack when they're fifty...people like me live forever.
INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. DAY.
2:00pm on Saturday. Charlie, Will, and Johnny are sitting in the living room watching tv, drinking beer, and listening to music. Charlie is still dressed in full zombie costume.
CHARLIE
If you think about it...according to the laws definition of rape, if a girl is drunk, then she isn't in the correct and credible mental state to give consent to having sex. So therefore, almost every guy has committed rape...technically speaking.
WILL
I don't know enough about the law to dispute that...
JOHNNY
Well technically that's true. In court i guess you could say that. No one ever would, but you probably could.
WILL
Does this mean that we're all rapists?
Al enters wearing a dark grey suit with Hanna, in a long dress, following close behind him. She interrupts their conversation.
HANNA
Hey guys!
ALL
Hey!!
HANNA
What're you guys talking about?
WILL
(Long pause)
Rape.
V.O.
This was a very common topic of conversation between the three of them.
HANNA
Oh.
AL
Anyway, we'll be gone the entire night tonight. We'll be back around 11am tomorrow morning.
HANNA
We're going to my grandma's ninetieth birthday party in Orange County. I'm really excited, I'm glad that I get to see my grandma again.
AL
So I'll see you guys tomorrow morning.
(To Hanna)
I'll meet you in the car, okay?
HANNA
Okay
(To the guys)
Bye guys!
ALL
Bye!!
Hanna exits. Immediately, Al turns to the guys.
AL
Why the hell are you always dressed in that stupid zombie costume Charlie!
CHARLIE
Well I have to go the work in half an hour and the makeup has to dry...
AL
Whatever...while I'm gone please do not wreck the house. Every time I leave for a night you always ruin the whole house and I always end up being the one cleaning it up. So please, this is the last time. I'm not going to put up with anything anymore. If it happens again, then I'm going to have to kick all of you guys out because I'm sick of it.
CHARLIE
You can't just kick us out, man
AL
Yes I can. My name is the only one that's on the lease. I can kick you out and I will.
Al exits and slams the door.
WILL
Oh s***.
EXT. BEACH. DAY
Will walks up and down the sand on the beach. He looks around to see if he can find Stoli.
V.O.
Will went back to the beach to see if he can find Stoli so he can cancel the party and therefore not get kicked out of his apartment. Unfortunately, he wasn't at the beach anymore, and he can't call him because Stoli doesn't have a phone. He's always says that he doesn't like phones because he can hear voices in them.
INT. BANQUET HALL. NIGHT.
Al and Hanna are at Hanna’s grandmother’s ninetieth birthday celebration banquet. Hanna is with her sisters sitting at a large round table. They are laughing and talking loudly.
At the other end of the room, Al sits at the bar. The bartender brings him a drink.
Hanna’s father, Hank comes and sits next to Al.




HANK


Al! What’re you doing sitting here all by yourself?




AL
Just wanted to get a drink.



HANK
Alright. You need to stop looking so bored all of the time. Have some fun!


AL
I am having fun.


HANK
It sure as hell doesn’t look like it.


V.O.
Hank is a veteran of the Vietnam War. Instead of returning home after being discharged from the Marines like everyone else, he skipped out on his flight back home because he saw an amazing opportunity to stay in Vietnam, start a farm and sell the produce back to the people in America for a massive profit. After all of the produce was cultivated, he finally realized that it was a poppy plant farm which was being used to manufacture heroin. The entire time he thought that they were producing poppy seeds for poppy seed bagels that would be sold to US bagel companies. This is why bagel cafés were notorious for selling drugs in the late 70s. Al was not aware of this.
HANK
You can let the women do their thing; whatever the hell it is they talk about. I don’t know, shoes or Ryan Gosling or whatever...whoever the hell that is. The bottom line is, who the hell cares. I’ve got a bad back, a drowning liver, a weak heart, and my cholesterol is off the damn charts. Al, I don’t know how much time I’ve got left. In the last part of my life, in my last days, I just want to have fun.
V.O.
Al took this to heart. In his last days, he just wanted to have fun. After working his entire life, that’s what he wants. This and what Johnny had told him the day before had led him to do something that he never does...
AL

(To the bartender)
Can I get four double shots of whiskey?!

(To Hank)
Just for you, we’re going to take these shots, two each, and we’re going to have the time of our god damn lives.
Al and Hank drink all four of the shots of whiskey one after the other. They then order eight margaritas, four each, and they down all of them in record time.
INT. JOHNNY'S ROOM. DAY.
Johnny is sitting at his desk typing on his computer. There is a knock at the door.
JOHNNY
It's open!
Will enters. He is breathing heavily and is out of breath.
WILL
We've got a big problem...

EXT. BANQUET HALL PARKING LOT. NIGHT. CONT’D
Al and Hank stumble into the parking lot. They go to Hanks luxury SUV and they open up the trunk. Inside the trunk is a large wooden cabinet.
He opens the top drawer of the cabinet and inside is a series of different types of liquor. Whiskey, Vodka, Rum, Wine, and Champagne. Hank reaches in and grabs a bottle of Wild Turkey Whiskey.
HANK
Do you know who Jeremy Clarkson is son?
AL
I think so.
HANK
Well he is a great man. What this is called is a drinks cabinet. It’s something that was created by him. And in his words, “Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.” I believe that is a metaphor for life son.
AL
Hmm that is very true Hank. You are very wise.
Hank closes the top drawer and opens the bottom drawer. Inside the bottom drawer is a series of different guns. A .357 magnum, a Walther P99, a Glock 19, a 12 gauge pump shotgun, and an AR-15 rifle. Al stands and stares at his gun collection.
AL
Wow!
HANK
You’re damn right!
Hank grabs the 12 gauge pump shotgun out of the drawer along with a small box of shells. He closes the drawer and closes the trunk.
He then goes to the back seat of the SUV, opens the door, takes out a bag of golf clubs, and throws them into the arms of Al.
HANK
Here you go man! Carry these.
AL
Where the hell are we going?
HANK
You’ll see.
Al throws the bag over his shoulder and follows Hank.
EXT. GOLF COURSE. NIGHT. CONT’D.
They walk onto the 18th hole of the golf course connected to the country club of that is hosting the banquet. The last hole is a par 4 with a pond alongside the left of the fairway. Hank and Al arrive at the tee with a set of golf clubs. They play shotgun golf.

INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM. NIGHT.
Charlie and Johnny stand in the middle of the living room, while Will sits by himself on the couch.
CHARLIE
Can you seriously not contact him? Who the hell doesn't have a phone! It's the twenty-first century.
JOHNNY
We aren't mad at you Will, we are just very disappointed.
CHARLIE
This makes no sense. Why the hell were you going to throw a party for us?
WILL
We never have a reason to throw a party!
JOHNNY
That's actually a very good point.
CHARLIE
Yeah yeah yeah, but bottom line, we need to stop Stoli from coming over here with his shady friends.
WILL
Well he's not that shady.
JOHNNY
He’s extremely shady.
CHARLIE
It's true.
WILL
Alright maybe just a little bit.
JOHNNY
When I met him he attacked me and tried to stab me with scissors.
WILL
Oh yeah, I remember that. Didn't you hit him with a TV antenna?
JOHNNY
Yeah I did. Then he still didn't give up so I tazed him. Now that I think of it, that crazy bastard definitely doesn't like me at all and he is most likely going to try to kill me again, so it's probably best that we keep him as far away from this house as possible.
CHARLIE
That’s a good idea. He’s probably going to be here around eight o’clock and he’s going to be coming with all of his shady little cretin friends looking for a place to party and break our stuff. We can’t wreck the house again or Al will throw all of us out. You don’t want to move back in with your parents, do you Will?
WILL
I would rather stick my fingers in a pencil sharpener.
CHARLIE
Exactly. Leave this one to me. I know exactly what to do. I’ll be right back, I need to make some calls.
INT. BANQUET HALL. NIGHT.
There is loud music playing. All of the tables are packed with people talking loudly. Everyone is laughing and smiling.
Hanna, her mother, her grandmother, and all of her sisters are sitting at one large round table. Hanna is sitting next to her mother.
HANNA
Where is my dad? I don’t see him.
Hanna turns around in her chair trying to see if she can find her dad.
HANNA
And where the hell is Al?!
EXT. GOLF COURSE. NIGHT. CONT’D
Al and Hank lay on their backs on the 18th green. They are both passed out. The empty bottle of wild Turkey whiskey sits beside them.
The sprinklers turn on them and wake them up.




EXT. OUTSIDE THE FRONT OF THE APPARTMENT. NIGHT.
8:15 on Saturday night. Stoli, his friend Houston, and ten of his friends come to the front door of their apartment. They are talking loudly and they are all dressed in disheveled clothing.
Stoli knocks on the door.




STOLI
Will! Open up the door man! I need your help with

all of this sound equipment!
No one answers. Stoli continues to knock on the door. Still no one answers. His friends begin to get louder and louder. The neighbors begin to stick their heads out of their windows to see whose outside.
Stoli still keeps knocking. He begins to knock louder and louder as his crowd of friends becomes louder and more rowdy. The party begins to start outside their house as everyone in the crowd begins to open their beers and dance and sing.
The crowd outside all of a sudden begins to get quieter. Stoli doesn’t notice his friends diverting their attention to something else and he keeps knocking on the door.
Stoli hears screaming. He turns around to see that his friends have all dispersed. He then looks out into the dark night to see a swarm of snarling zombies stumbling towards him.
Stoli screams. He then goes over to a fire extinguisher mounted on the wall, picks it up, holds it in his hand ready to bash them in the head with it and he begins to run at them while still screaming.
After seeing Stoli about to attack them, the zombies begin to run away from him in a normal human-like way. They run away and to avoid getting hit by Stoli.
Stoli stops in confusion. He then walks home as all of his friends have run away.
INT. CAR. DAY.
9:30am on Sunday morning. Hanna is driving the car while Al is sleeping in the passenger seat still wearing the same clothes from the night before and still covered in water and grass.
V.O.
Overall, Al has gone to the dark side; the side of life with guns and whiskey and late nights. He has spent his entire life inside, locked in his room and shut off from the world. His wave of social ignorance has finally broke and rolled back. But of course, a full recovery will take some time...a long long time.



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This article has 1 comment. Post your own!

Pamplemousse said...
Jul. 15, 2013 at 2:39 am:
Wow, that is really good and would make a great screenplay. I loved the voice overs too, they add a great balance to the script. The story's fun and entertaining, but I think its a bit mature for Teen Ink. Overall, great job though!
 
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