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So you want to be a telemarketer

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So you want to be a telemarketer:

We're glad you have chosen to work with us here at Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc. Telemarketing is like many other career paths in sales. We hope you will find your time with us to be both fulfilling and enlightening. Selling paperclips and staples can be easy if done correctly. You will have managers and colleagues who can help you, but as long as you follow this simple script, you should find yourself having no problems at all. Thanks again for choosing Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc.


Scenario 1:

Salesperson: Hi, my name's (Insert name here) from Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc. Do you currently have any paperclip or staple needs?

Customer: No.

Salesperson: Are you sure?

Customer: Yes.

[At this point, the conversation is not going well, but that doesn't mean it won't in the future. Please end the conversation politely and call back the next day between the hours of 5:30 and 6:30 PM.]


Scenario 2:

Salesperson: Hi, my name's (Insert name here) from Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc. Do you currently have any paperclip or staple needs?

Customer: As a matter of fact, I do need some office supplies.

Salesperson: Well we can help you with that. Here at Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc., we only sell paperclips and staples.

Customer: Wait, you only sell paperclips and staples?

Salesperson: Yes, only paperclips and staples.

Customer: Sorry, I think I'll shop for my office supplies at Staples. (Sidenote: Despite its misleading name, Staples Inc. actually sells many types of office supplies, and not just staples.)

[When the customer states that they have plans to shop elsewhere, please end the conversation politely and call back the next day between the hours of 5:30 and 6:30 PM]






Scenario 3:

Salesperson: Hi, my name's (Insert name here) from Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc. Do you currently...

Customer: (hangs up)

[Please call back the next day between the hours of 5:30 and 6:30 PM]


Scenario 4:

Salesperson: Hi, my name's (Insert name here) from Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc. Do you currently have any paperclip or staple needs?

Customer: I'm not really sure.

(At this point it can be assumed that the customer who does not know whether or not they need paperclips and staples is probably an idiot. Continue the conversation as follows)

Salesperson: Let me slow down a bit. DO. YOU. HAVE. ANY. PAPERCLIPS? For god's sake, it's not that difficult.

[The customer at this point will hang up offended by your insinuation of their stupidity. Please call back the next day between the hours of 5:30 and 6:30 PM]


Scenario 5:

Salesperson: Hi, my name's (Insert name here) from Bently's Paperclips and Staples Inc. Do you currently have any paperclip or staple needs?

Customer: For the last time, please stop calling me! You've called every day during dinner for two weeks and I can't stand it anymore! Please stop calling me!

[At this point, hang up and laugh. This is when you will know for sure that you are truly a telemarketer.]



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KatsK This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 7, 2012 at 5:54 pm:
This is really funny. It made me smile.
 
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