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My Fat husband and I

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ACT I

INT. Apartment - day

[LILLIAN a woman in her 40’s is sitting at home with her husband DANNY on the couch eating soup while watching t.v.]

LILIAN
I just love a man in blue.
DANNY
I wear blue and you never tell me that.
LILIAN
that's because blue isn't right for you.
DANNY
what about red?
LILIAN
Red makes you eh?
[looking at her husband up and down]
Fat!
DANNY
(raising his voice mimicking her) what do you mean makes you look fat?
LILIAN
oh honey! Stop complaining life is too short!
DANNY
luckily i have you to help me end it faster.
LILIAN
(moving closer to him) Now what's that suppose to mean?
DANNY
you know exactly what that means. I saw how much salt you put in this soup.
LILIAN
oh hush hush! having too much of something won't kill you
DANNY
says the woman who gives me heart attacks.
LILIAN
oh yeah! you act like salt will kill you?
DANNY
Having too much of something will.
[Lilian grabs his bowl.]
LILIAN
Then if that's right why aren't I dead?
DANNY
Ask God. Maybe he wants me to keep torturing you.
(laughing)
LILIAN
oh is that so?
DANNY
why other would you still be here?
LILIAN
oh you're such a jerk! what happened to the man i married ten years ago?
DANNY
he changed honey!
[Both walk into the kitchen. LILIAN puts the dish in the sink, then turns to him and leans on the sink.]
LILIAN
yeah for the worst! I don't understand why you don't go to the gym?
DANNY
honey, i told you i don't like those places.
LILIAN
why? cause there too fast pace for you?
DANNY
(raising his voice) Now don't you mock me! You knew I wouldn't be able to do it, so you signed me up. Knowing i'd be a failure.
LILIAN
Well, now honey. Don't put yourself down like that. That's my job, besides your not a failure you just fail at everything.
DANNY
well, I don't get much motivation.
LILIAN
coming from the man who says " I don't need it".
DANNY
that was one time God!
[DANNY putting his arm over his head and turns around. They don't talk for about 2 minutes.]
LILIAN
and look at you now!
DANNY
why must you chastise me?
LILIAN
Lord knows you need to lose that weight Danny!
DANNY
why do you have to go there?
LILIAN
you let yourself go.
DANNY
well not for too long.
LILIAN
well, looks like you let yourself go for quite more than you'd expected.
DANNY
well! i'm going to start exercising in the new year.
LILIAN
well, lucky for you, your starting sooner. I'm renewing our gym membership starting by tomorrow morning.
LILIAN leaving the room. DANNY shaking his head in anger.
LILIAN
Goodnight! oh and ah your sleeping on the couch tonight. (smiles at him, as she leaves she turns to him) oh and one more thing. Good luck at the gym tomorrow.



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