Dialogue Between Sheldon from "Big Bang Theory" and Shrek from "Shrek"

April 8, 2012
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Shrek: So, your name is Sheldon?
Sheldon: I’m formally called Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper.
Shrek: Sheldon would have been a satisfactory answer.
Sheldon: Satisfactory isn’t a word in my vocabulary. Excelling certainly is!
Shrek: Okay? You’re a bit full of yourself aren’t you?
Sheldon: Full of myself? I’m only a Theoretical Physicist!
Shrek: Would you mind repeating?
Sheldon: I’m a Theoretical Physicist.
Shrek: I’m an ogre.
Sheldon: Do you enjoy the occupation?
Shrek: Nitwit, it’s what I am!
Sheldon: Well, fine. I need to go back to the drawing board on the Grand
Unification Theory!
Shrek: What in Lord Ogre’s name did you say?
Sheldon: I’m trying to prove my theory of Grand Unification.
Shrek: Please explain because the only words I understand out of your
sentence is “I’m trying to prove my theory of.”
Sheldon: I’ll put it in simple terms for you. It’s a candidate model in particle
physics in which at high energy, the three gauge interactions of the Standard
Model which define the electromagnetic, weak, and strong interactions, are
merged into one single interaction characterized by one larger gauge
symmetry and thus one unified coupling constant.
Shrek: That makes sense!
Sheldon: Yes, doesn’t it?
Shrek: No!
Sheldon: But, you just said it made sense.
Shrek: Have you ever heard of the word sarcasm?
Sheldon: Yet another word not used in my wide range of vocabulary.
Shrek: I’m sure Fiona would get a kick out of this!
Sheldon: Who is this lady you speak of?
Shrek: Fiona is my wife.
Sheldon: What a name!
Shrek: I wouldn’t be talking!
Sheldon: What do you mean by that?
Shrek: I wouldn’t exactly say your name is the norm nor would I be making fun
of a princess!
Sheldon: I doubt a princess would marry you.
Shrek: Excuse me? I’d be watching what you say.
Sheldon: I can’t literally watch what I say.
Shrek takes two monstrous steps forward, towering over Sheldon. Sheldon
inches forward as well acting valiant.
Shrek: You really think you’re stronger than me Sheldon? I’m 3 feet taller than
you and much more broad and built than you are.
Sheldon looks down at himself, scrawny arms and all.
Shrek: That’s what I thought.
Sheldon: What did you think?
Shrek: You have to be kidding me, Sheldon. Just never mind.
Sheldon: Alright, then. So will I meet this wife of yours?
Shrek: I’m not sure, if she gets home in time.
Sheldon: Why, do I have a time I must go?
Shrek: Well, no offense, but I don’t really want you here until all hours of the night.
Sheldon: You’re a bit rude, aren’t you?
Shrek: You invited yourself over here, so how dare you call me rude!
Sheldon: I didn’t invite myself over. I just came to visit.
Shrek: That’s when you invite yourself over.
Sheldon: I guess we can agree to disagree even though I know I’m correct.
Shrek: You’re a “Know-it-all” aren’t you?
Sheldon: Yes, thank you for the compliment.
Shrek: It wasn’t a compliment.
Sheldon: It sounds like one.
Shrek: Well I know one thing you don’t know about and that’s common sense.
Sheldon: What’s that?
Shrek: Exactly.
Sheldon: I’m going to go back home and work on my Grand Unification theory.
Shrek: Thank goodness!

Join the Discussion

This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

cayaTW This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm
It was very funny.  it really painted a scene.  i just wnat to know where you came up with this idea with Shrek and all. PS THE BIG BANG THEORY RULES! you should write more of these.
Eilleen said...
Apr. 16, 2012 at 7:28 pm
This was really funny and the characters sounded exactly like they would...
Gelino101 replied...
Apr. 16, 2012 at 8:34 pm
Thanks, it's greatly appreciated! After reading it I think I potrayed Sheldon really well.
Site Feedback