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The Smarties:The Bike
Author: Smartie XJ9 (formerly Jacob Edwards)
Date:April 26, 6045 (2018)
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They say I was crazy; that none of it existed. “Oh ‘Jacob’.”,they state with a hint of glee, “You were just having a short circuit in your memory log. No way that happened to you of all people-or should I say robots?” And sure, if you listen to my tale, you are probably thinking I need to go to a mental repair center. But what I am about to you is 179, 828% true. So sit back, relax, and get a can of oil in case you are thirsty.
Our (or in this case MY) story begins at an abandoned house down by the Scrap Zone. Those idiotic Metalheads were scavenging for some spare circuits to suck what little energy was left when they discovered this old relic from years past. But instead of keeping it to themselves to sell for extra circuits, those dinguises decided to tell their friends about it. The threw this massive party (which I won’t go into details here, but it was just hell)that essentially damaged a good 30% of it. What a shame. But me and my mechanically designed brother, NC12, decided to investigate for any old treasures.
Preparations began as early as 3 months ago, when NC12 proposed the idea. I was on board with it so we began to prepare for the event. Safety precautions were given to ensure proper safety was in order. We both scanned on these gross, old yellow suits that were made to be safe from toxic waste. After that was done, we headed on over to the Scrap Zone. Luckily for us, it was a brisk 9.08 nanoseconds that we got there thanks to our built in teleporter.
The front door of the house was open, so getting in wasn’t an issue for us. The real issue was trying to traverse through the floors of this disgusting pigsty (even though pigs are dead). Whoever owned this house before its discovery were filthy hoarders; how the Metalheads had a party here, I will never know. It was like we were deep sea explorers. So although it was disgusting to go in and search, you’ll bet there were lots of great treasures there, right?
Well, suffice to say, that was not the case. Don’t get me wrong, it had a few cool stuff here and there, but nothing to major to talk about. I’m assuming that those foolish Metalheads cleared out most of the good trash, instead opting to replace it with food and drinks (circuits and oil). Some noteworthy things we relished and sold were a few old Pokemon cards, some DVD’s about some guy named Jack Black, a horrible pop CD by some loser called Justin Bieber, and a Spongebob T-shirt (side note, but how can a sponge move and have feet; it’s immobile).
While there is not much to say, but there are 2 very bizarre things to note. Firstly, I was finding some more clothes to sell when I stumbled upon this old pair of underwear that was as stiff as cardboard. It actually had a name on it: David W. So I decided not to sell it in the end. I hope to do some research on it to see what kid of lifestyle people had in the olden days.
And the second and frankly most important aspect of all was the bike. As soon as I found the stiff underwear, my brother said he was bored and wanted to go home so he could shut down. I said sure, stuffed the undies in the compartment in the back of my body and headed downstairs. Along the way, there was this odd-looking piece of metal jutting out amongst the garbage. I studied it for a while before and proceeded to pick it up. It was very rusty, and beneath the rust was a red coat of old paint. On what I presumed what were handles, I found a note saying in loopy writing “To our beloved son, David Window, for turning 10 years old”.
“XJ9, let’s go now!” alerted my impatient brother. I quickly picked it up over my shiny head and proceeded down the stairs. His face was both in shock and disbelief. It was hilarious! We quickly left the house and went on our jolly way to the nearby robot pawn shop. With our money, we couldn’t wait to dig into some delicious electrical cord licorice.
Sadly, our plan was cut short when the main Metalhead that threw the party, Stingray as they say, saw us with the load of junk and wanted it himself. And to make a long story short, me and NC12 were sprinting as fast as out little wheels could zoom, while Stingray and his so-called henchmen we chasing us through New Bot City. It didn’t help that the bike was weighing me down and Stingray was getting closer. And just as I was about to accept defeat, an idea sprung to my head that was so clever I had to do it.
Looking at the anatomy of the bike, it had these 2 squares sticking out that stuck out from the rest. I soon discovered these were called pedals. So with my sheer brilliance, I got aboard the bike, seperated my 2 wheels to get on both sides of the pedals, sat down on the cushion, started pedaling like a champ. Moving my feets in clockwise motions was so satisfying and it helped make me faster than Stingray. In fact, I was so fast I actually outran my brother! I did stop and get him of course, but that was super close.
Even though my brother got on there was not enough room to board the bike. So my brother, just sat on my dome head the entire time. This had setbacks to though, as it blinded my vision and got me and my brother in many different near-misses than usual. But in the end, we safely made it home, and avoided the bullies. What jerks!
So that was the end of my tale. We decided to hide the bike from everyone else and let it be a secret to everyone but ourselves. However, my brother ruined it by telling a good amount of our friends. I didn’t wanna make my brother sound like a crazy person, so I went along and told some people to, but as to be expected, no one believes us. We have pretty much become the laughingstocks at school, but it is a small price to pay.
The End (until next time)