It smeared down the window. Balling up and running down as it spattered against the sleek glass that seperated us. The way it captured pigments as it ran down the glass, that way it colored the sky gray...it was captivating. I wanted to reach out, to touch it. I rested my palm on the glass, wanting more than anything to be touched by its presents. As my heat collided with the cold surface of the clear boundary, fog surrounded my hand. I began to fantasize about the outside world during these times. I always imagioned how it would feel to be out tere. I iimagined a cool sensation, lightly tapping on my skin. A soft chill in the air, crisp and light, unlike anything I've ever felt before. My eye's continued to watch as it hit the ground in rhythm, spattering the grass with beauty. It was Mother Nature's ballade, and it sounded lovely. I've tried many times to touch it, but I've always been held back. The Elders say it burns, that it scares your skin like fire. So we stay inside, hidden from its so called pain. I don't believe it though, something so beautiful should not be feared. I gave it a name once, I called it rain. My friends ridicule me for favoring the thing they were taught to fear. They say I'm crazy, I say their closed minded. Their world consists of only what they were taught. Not their own ideas, no, but the ones that they were forced to believe. I want more out of this life, I don't want to live out of fear for everything that was said to be evil. For once I wanted to live by my choices, by my heart. And I was going to, my journey of a thousand miles was going to begin with one small step...out that door. My eyes gazed at the path I would soon take to my new world. My world consisting of what others were afraid to embrace. I got up, almost instantly, as my determination grew bolder. The steps seemed like miles to me, as I walked towards my gateway to inner freedom. It wasn't that I was afraid, I was anxious. The thing I wanted more than anything was in arms reach. All I knew was that I wanted it. That I had to have it, though I've never experienced it before. My feet carried me faster as I reached my hand out, taking hold of the doorknob. In an instant I felt t. It was more than I've ever imagined, dreamed of. Rain dripped down my face, as the sound of it pelted the ground below me. I leaned my head back, allowing myself to become completely overwhelmed. I felt something at that momment. It wasn't pain, it wasn't regret, but it was change. The thing I've wanted more than anything, I realized, was nothing more but change. And I finally recived it.
February 22, 2009