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Feeling Freedom

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I stood atop the cliff, feeling the breeze blow through me, hearing the water below me. Not having any idea why I had chosen to be there that night, not caring about anything having to do with society. I was waiting for something I guess. Supposing that they always told me I was so lucky to be living in this land, where I am free. And they knew that the freedom is a lie, we are watched. Media controls us. I stood then farther from that lie and closer to freedom then I had ever been before.

The water from up there, that evening appeared to be a sparkling ruby shade streaked with orange, a sloppy reflection of the sunset. It is so deep, so endless. I watched it, captivated. The endlessness consumed my small soul and beckoned my body. Each wave lapping against the stone was an invitation. I ached with the temptation to surrender myself to the gravity and meet those glittering depths.

Now this was something new. I was weightless. Oxygen abandoned my lungs as a steady beat abandoned my heart. Air rushed past my limp form, or perhaps I rushed past the air. I left my tension, my care, my hate, myself at the top where I once stood. I belonged to the gravity. This was a side of me even I hadn’t known, a side of me that had always been destined as the real me. Nothing in society made me feel like this. I knew that that was me, me free at last and leaving the chains behind.

All I felt was that I had finally found freedom, that this was no lie. I saw with wide eyes and clear vision all my folly and how so many friendships I clung to the crumbling remains of were simply not worth it. I was feeling something fresh. I was gaining strength as Iss was gaining momentum. I could taste the essence of life that I have been craving. I was seeing the stupidity of things I have done. I saw that I was more then ready to move on. I had been waiting.

With smashing force my physical self met the water. Gravity had not finished with me, and I continued my downward journey through the depths. My instinct told my limbs to flail, told me to fight against this but I did not. I knew that I was powerless against the current and I had already surrendered to the gravity. I knew that I could find a happiness in that that I didn’t know before.

The motion of the water soothed my shattered mind. Its large volume was heavy upon me, holding me together. I felt nothing but the endless rocking motion as I sank into steady peace of mind. A realization erupted within me alerting my mind, pulling it from its sleep. My lungs were screaming, begging for the return of their beloved oxygen. My arms in sudden motion rose, my legs kicked and my downward journey had met its end. To the surface I was headed. The surface I saw was near, my body was shaking to break it. Breath, I must breathe.

Again my physical self broke the surface of this vast expanse. My clothing had gained weight with absorption of the water and I found within myself new strength to battle with those waves. I gasped for air with my face tipped toward the stars. I was refreshed. I felt brand new. I believed again in hope.

I have felt Freedom.





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LadyLuck said...
Mar. 5, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Carmen, I love how your writing totally captures what a person is feeling at an exact moment. I wish i could do that with my own fellings. I read a "Diamond Teardrop" too, and I can't get enough of your writing!!!!!!!!
 
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