Sleepless In Vancouver.
Present day
Vancouver, Canada
The morning air is cold. I can see my breath as it evaporates in the below freezing air around me. I should be asleep right now. So far asleep that nothing could wake me not even a atomic bomb.But I'm wide awake as I have been for the last few days, as if I had drank thirty gallons of coffee. It's not like I don't want to sleep. No ,everything inside of my mind begs me to crawl back into bed and wait for the sun to appear but sadly, I can't. Sleep just seems so impossible with nights like these that the moons awake and shining on her beautiful planet. Tonight is different from any of those other nights, I can't tell you how I know, but something keeps me from entering the land where my brain becomes the lovely victim to static dreams. On nights like these only the sound of the free way five miles away, calms me down. It helps some how like the sound of motors and distant music soothes my soul. I can listen to it for hours and close my eyes like I'm there. I used to live in New York as a little Kid. And I suppose that's why it helps because I can remember being little, and being in my mother's arms all safe and protected, watching the traffic as it made its way down the avenue. I miss those days when everything seemed so simple, and my mother still had me and my father. I didn't live there long only two years, but it was more of a home to me than Canada. Things changed quickly after I turned two. I can't remember why it's all kind of fuzzy when I try to remember. But I do remember hearing a really loud noise like two gun shots and people screaming. And after it was just silence. I suppose I started to cry after that, but I stopped because this man had suddenly appeared beside my crib. For the life of me I can't remember what he looked like, but I remember him saying in this sweet, soothing voice, that it was okay. I suppose I knew that he wasn't going to hurt me and that's why I believed him, but I still wake up at night as if I were two again and the gun shots were just fired. That's what happened tonight. Sam dream but instead I was watching it from the man's point of view. For some strange reason, my head kept hurting all the while I was watching the tiny me.
I sigh the sound just as soft as the wind and as sad as the world is now.
The woods are a black unknown bordering the ancient, white house on all sides and in that mass, the wolves are howling in the dark their voices mixing together to form a melody all of their own. They are trapped for another day in the forms that betrays our kind. I feel bad for them. In theory I should be a wolf too, but evolution made me stronger. The wind blows her icy breath across my body making me shiver. My clothes are thin and I am dead so it shouldn't matter. I'm eighteen as I have been for the last forty nine years and I haven't gotten used to it yet. Unable to sleep and being hungry, I sit on the balcony and watch the stars. I miss the sky. As a vampire I spend most of my time inside. As a werewolf, I roam the night wishing the moon would free me from her curse. It's not going to happen but it would be nice if it would. Just for a few months. It's not that I hate being a werewolf. In fact it doesn't suck and being the King is nice. But not any one of the vampires I live with knows I'm a hybrid, no one but Hailey, and she won't tell. But maybe I should. It's not so bad any more and I haven't hurt any of the vampires. And I want to tell them but something tells me not too. I'm just afraid they'll hate me. "They won't hate you. I don't." Hailey insists every time I almost get the courage to tell the world I'm a half breed. She also says that if my temperature keeps climbing the way it is, we're going to have to get another bed. See, she's a vampire and heat doesn't exactly fit well with them. I know it's not comfortable for her, but I can't burn if I'm already burning and I can't freeze if I'm already freezing. If I ever had to go to a hospital, I'd be an experiment. How a Boy Survives a Temperature of One hundred and Seventeen. I don't get how I can be so hot and be so cold at the same time. Hailey has a theory and it explains almost everything. My body constantly fights a war with what I am. The two halves are dominant and because of that, I am an oven and a glacier all at the same time. I wonder if they have pills for that. It would be great if they did. I take Moondrek for the transformation but it doesn't stop the pain. I make Hailey go away so she doesn't see me like that. She doesn't like to leave me alone. The full moon was last week. The cuts on my wrists haven't faded yet. They weren't self inflicted and power won't wash them away. Being bare chested doesn't help the cold but it does help the fever. Jeans, already ripped, almost hang off of me. My weight is never what it's supposed to be I either lose it to quickly or gain so little of it, you don't notice the difference. Tonight however; my ribs are present hidden by a thin layer of skin and fat. I should hunt someone or something. My throat burns just to remind me that there's another side that needs attention too. I could snag a few deer. Snag a murderer or two.
I wish Sam was home. He's my older brother. He's grumpy most of the time and doesn't like any body but he tolerates us and Pire. She's the Original you have to like the Originals they're something of royalty though they don't exactly rule. More or else Sam can't exactly flip an Original off. He and Pire are in Port Angeles. I always thought She and Sam had a thing for each other. I did ask once and Pire laughed. She said there was no way in hell she and Sam would ever like each other. And he values her as his sister not anything else. Sam's one of those vampires who act without thinking though he says he doesn't regret changing me. He did at first because I had a drinking problem. But I got out of it. He says I reminded him of his younger brother most of the time. His younger brother was his best friend when he was human, he remembers his brother the most . It's Sam's fault-or so he says-that Aubrey died. He doesn't really say what happened except that if he hadn't been in those woods the day Elias, his creator was hunting, his mother wouldn't have committed suicide because her son wouldn't be a vampire. His life is a gift only he doesn't see it that way. I don't think being a vampire is that bad sure hunting humans is wrong, but hunting criminals helps the innocent. The wind shifts. The wolves howl. Their just beyond the trees now moving in further. They know not to come on to this land, it's kind of an unspoken rule. Not that we would hurt them but its kind of out of respect. They know I keep my werewolf side a secret though many find it stupid to do so. But also because Selesia is buried not far from here just a little ways off by the lake. She was Sam's Soulmate. When she died he lost everything. Everyone thinks he murdered her which he kind of did, so now his name's mud with the mythological community. The werewolves respected Selesia she was the light side of a black hole. And she let them live on their land even cross it every once and a while. They respect Sam too, but he doesn't return the favor. It's another reason why he doesn't know. My foster father, knows somethings up with me but he doesn't say a word. I think he knows I'm a werewolf. Everyone else does. And I do mean everyone. The Keasten name is another royal one. And I do mean Royal. Oksanna is descended from King Jack , the first Werewolf King. And I happen to be her son. Not a great achievement if you ask me, but being King has it's good sides. She is the Original, the Queen, the Alpha. The One Who's Never Around That Much. And when she is the wolves listen to her but look to me to okay what ever she says. That's another reason why the vampire's can't trace me back to the wolves. Oksanna put me up for adoption so my last name was changed to Gabriel. Anyway, when I was turned werewolf, I became the legal King of the wolves. Changed all the rules and made them mean nothing. The wolves even respect Hailey though she's a vampire. No one else has tried to make the marriage between a vampire and a werewolf work. As far as life goes, we're a success story.
Hailey's been to the Den only a few times. I'd think she'd like it more if Ed wasn't around. He's this fifty year old werewolf that gets drunk every other day and goes on rages on just about anything he can think of. I feel bad for him,lost everything when his wife and child died. Not much to live for, he always says, but I'm not sure he ever really tried. No one really likes him and not because of anything he can't help. He's just mean. Last year Hailey wanted to meet some of the new wolves, so I let her come along. Huge mistake. Ed happened to have a party with Jack Daniels and Budweiser the night before and well he said a lot of things to Hailey. A lot of unkind things that you're not supposed to say to women. Of course he had no recollection the morning after but after that Hailey hasn't been back. It makes me feel guilty because I can't control Ed's drunken rages and it's not like I can take away his alcohol. He'd die without it and even though we can't stand Ed, it'd be different without out him. So for now, I'm on a long drop with a short stop. Hailey claims that she doesn't mind me spending so much time with the werewolves after all I am half werewolf. But I still worry. It's not easy being married to someone like me. Half the time I think she's just trying to make it easier on me. And I hate that. It should be simpler. She should be able to depend on me for a lot of things and she can't because I'm not sure if I won't switch. Of course I recognize her when I'm a wolf but it's not an easy thing seeing the creature who did this to you. It's not an easy thing to love someone you're not supposed too either. There's a lot of people who frown on our marriage
"Kellen?" Hailey murmurs. I hadn't heard her get up.
"Yes my love?" I ask turning around. Hailey looks flawless even though she's technically half asleep. Her hair is kind of messy and her eyes are a pale green. Her skin is pale but she still retains a little color. She is Perfect.
"Can't sleep?" She asks. Climbing out of the window she sits next to me. Leaning her head against my shoulder.
"No. Not when my Wolve's are wide awake." I answer. She yawns.
"Join them if you want. You can freely transform." She suggests. It is true any time the Full Moon isn't forcing the transformation I can transform freely. But it's getting harder for me to decide which form to switch back into. Not that I don't know the difference between man and wolf, but my body can't shift as easily as before. With being a vampire I can see why forcing the transformation is a harder but easier option. During the full moon I lose everything that made me a vampire fangs not included. But of course I haven't exactly gotten around telling her that.
"It's the last day of school and I can't ask Greg to call in sick for me. Sam already has that excuse. And besides I can't keep switching forms. It's getting harder for me to shift back." I admit. Though I pretty much know which form I'd rather be in. The wolves call to me and even in the back of my mind I want to transform. I can feel it in my veins that I could this very minute if I wanted too. It'd only take a second. That's all and I'd be a wolf. So why don't I? Mainly because the vampire side says no. I say no. To be like that is harder to get out of. And then not knowing how to switch back into a vampire........
"You never told me that." She murmurs.
"It's only been the last few transformations. I couldn't switch back when I wanted too. It was like I couldn't." I say,slowly like each word hurt me. She doesn't say anything for a few seconds. My temperature fluctuates.
"Have you told Pire? Maybe she knows something." I sigh. The go to person, Pire. She knows the curse she helped create it. Only problem is now, is that she regrets her part in it. Now trying to find a cure for a curse proved impossible, is harder when some still believe the curse should be influenced by pain.
"I told her. She said it was probably normal. My mind is still vampish but my body is a wolf. And transforming back and forth is confusing."
"Does Moondrek Help?"
"No, Pire says it might be changing my system. Make it confused into which form I should take."
"Does Victoria know anything?" Victoria is my oldest friend. She is one of the Alpha's King Jack anointed before he died.
"Nope and ma isn't around long enough. Veronica is trying to find her but she's disappeared again." I say. Oksanna is like that, Master of disappearing and her hatred of me her are her two greatest talents. I don't hate her but I wouldn't be caught dead in the same room with her. Yet, I'm supposed to rule with her. Hailey has never met her Mother-in-law because dear ma disapproves of our marriage. And my father, is dead. I guess. Victoria and Veronica know what ever became of Kaleb Keasten the guy so invisible, life itself left him. But they say it's better if I'm left in the dark. I don't see how that's better, but I'm not about to argue.
"Wasn't she there a few days ago?"
"Yep. And she left before the moon had a chance to restrict her. She's now immune to the curse. It's not affecting her like it should." I say. Hailey looks puzzled. I forgot there was about a million things Hailey did not know. Not about the history of the werewolves.
"Is that possible?" Hailey whispers.
"I don't know, the curse isn't supposed to let us off the hook. It was designed to punish us." I whisper.
"Maybe evolution?" She suggests. I chuckle. Evolution the answer to every vampire obstacle. But not an answer to all the werewolve obstacles.
"I don't think so. It would effect me too. I'm the King and her son the last evolution we went through effected me too." I explain. "I think she's found a way out of it."
"That's not possible. Even Pire said there's no loopholes. Her brother created it maybe he could find the cure." I snort.
"He won't. He said, that there was no way in hell he would let us off so easily." I say. "Even though most of the wolves from the sixteenth hundreds were executed, as long as my line still exists, there is no cure." I sigh remembering Nathan's words. After the second war, the war we helped the vampires with, he agreed not to hunt us but he would never free us. But Pire believes if I can find the mistake King Jack made, I could find the cure. Only problem is my family history is clouded by lies. Hailey sighs.
"So how did Jack exactly die?"
"I don't know. No one knows." I say somberly. "Victoria, Veronica and Oksanna were there. But they're not saying anything."
"What do you think?" She asks curiously. I have sort of an idea that he wanted out of it. But like everything else it's just a theory.
"I think he couldn't handle it. It was hard in the beginning transforming every month. His son almost died a few times, did die in the end. His wife, Becka died a few months later from grief. Stopped eating starved to death nothing any one said could make her change her mind. She just didn't care anymore. That had to have pushed him over the edge. And not to mention how many people hated him. Their family members died from the fever and he being a survivor, most thought he made a deal with the vampires." I explain.
"Did he?"
"I don't think he did. Pire told me that out of all the werewolves' created none of them made any deals."
"That's rather unhelpful." Hailey says warily. "What if she's lying? Sam once said that there are things she did that even she won't tell." I shrug. It was possible. I lied all the time as King of the wolves. Pire could easily lie if she wanted too. And I could understand why. Sometimes it's just easier to say something else when the truth is much worse. I've always thought if you are going to lie because the truth would hurt someone else than it was better than flat out saying something harsh.
"I can't say. In those days it was forbidden of werewolves and vampires to communicate.That's the thing though, it's so frustrating. If the wolves and the vampires are mortal enemies then I don't get how we've stayed together for so long. It shouldn't be possible for us to be this close without wanting to kill each other .But in the first few days, Pire did tell me she watched Jack on night's when he would transform. She had never wanted to kill him."
"Why?"
" I don't know. Pire's different from us in a way. And you have to think about the fact that it was fascinating. Vampires had never tried to change humans into anything before. And for it to work on Jack, when he was already strong enough to withstand most major illnesses of that time, seeing what vampires are capable of it was something unheard of. As well as Forbidden. I know for a fact Pire acted odd after that night when Cortia Venaught started reaping lives. It's like she hates what Nathanial did, but if she went against him he'd silence her too. "
"Kill her?" Hailey asks astonished. I nod soberly. It's easy to forget how much of this she doesn't know. I should let her dig deep into werewolf history. It would fascinate her more than it would me. I'm not that good with our history. Though Pire argues that fact. Once I know what the topic is I can ramble on easily.
"You have to remember Hailey, that women in those days in the sixteen hundreds were very obedient to the men of the household. Vampire women were like that too. It was all that they knew. Pire's dominant now but only because she was deemed the first vampire. She's the youngest of her two brothers. If Nathanial somehow was murdered Daniel would take over for him."
"Nathan doesn't seem the type to do that though to be so cruel." Hailey says slowly. I can see why she would think that. I've seen both sides of Nathan when only she's seen one.
"There's two sides to us," I say scratching my chin, "Well most of us anyway. Nathan's one of those people who wears a mask in public but shows his true colors at home. Pire used to say he had two completely different identities."
"Like alters?" Hailey asks surprised. Most illnesses and disorders go away when you become a vampire. One that doesn't is DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder. But only because the alters are are a part of your mind already and have a personality of their own.
"Yes. From what I've seen he switches personalities. Sometimes he'll go by Nate other times it's Nathanial right now it's Nathan. And he hardly remembers what he's said sometimes. Pire's not sure and it's not like she can mention it to him. He gets all mad when she tries too."
"Wouldn't he notice if he were forgetting things?"
"No. As far as I know if he does in fact have have Dissociative Identity Disorder, one alter would remember the information. He seems to most of the time. Pire says he's always been like that though." The wolves howl louder. It's sympathetic. For the last two weeks, the new arrival, Jason, hasn't been able to control his temperature. Ismus has been upset all week because no matter what she does, Jason's temperature rises higher and higher. It was two hundred and four yesterday. Ismus and I and three other werewolves who hadn't shifted yet, piled ice on his burning body. It made his temperature lower but it was only a matter of time before his heart gave out. His mother, Kari wanted me to turn him into a vampire. But it wouldn't have worked if I had bit him. Only a full vampire can change a human I can't. I'd kill the guy. My fangs are coated with poison and power. That's the thing with being a hybrid you get a mix of everything together. Poison, Power, immortality from everything. But there's things you can't do because it would never work. One of the wolves howl changes to pure agony, and I know Ismus just told Kari, Jason's mother. The agonized howling changes to something that's neither human or animal.
"Are you okay?" Hailey asks. I had realized that my hands had balled up into fists. It's just one of those reactions that completely give me away.
"Hmn. Look I got to go. I think one of the wolves just died."
The wolves are crowded around the hospital when I get there. They don't look at me which makes it worse some how. Like if they look at me then they'll confirm what I already know. That it's to late even before I go in. A numb feeling spreads over me as I open the door to the Den's hospital. I've dealt with the end about a dozen times but there was something to seeing Jason's lifeless body laying on that bed. His hands are cold and pale like flour as I take them into my own feeling for anything that would mean life. But I already know how useless it is and that kills any of the hope that had sparked inside of me. I could already see where the blood is starting to coagulate, forming like bruises do slow and noticeable but unlike a bruise it just keeps getting darker and nothing will stop it. He was gone. Death had taken him for his own.
"Kellen I couldn't stop his heart from failing." Ismus says softly tears streak there way down her cheeks. I hadn't realized that she had come over to me. So quiet with her footsteps. All the makings of a very prime predator. Just like me she feels something for all the wolves whether we knew them for a long time. I don't say anything. Instead, I place Jason's hand over his chest. She stares down at Jason's face. He looked peaceful somehow. And for some reason I want to yell at him to wake up. It was stupid to feel like that. But I had promised his mother, him, that I'd find a way to save him. Ismus reads my thoughts. It's so easy to forget that she gets into my head more than any other mind reader. Maybe because everyone else doesn't cross the imaginary line. Or maybe they think my thoughts are to twisted to intrude on. I remember a few days ago how Jason wanted to play cards. So I brought him a deck and the three of us played for nearly four hours. The whole time we couldn't keep from laughing. Jason was a funny kid he could find the funny side of bad days. Had that only been four days ago? It seems longer now. I guess death stretches time out to make the days before seem so long ago. Had I stayed tonight maybe I could have stopped it. Ismus places her hand over mine and it's remarkable how much she's like a kindly grandmother.
"There was nothing you could have done your Highness. It's not your fault." She says. I want to yell at her to shut up. I'm tired of people saying it's not my fault when something bad happens. Don't they understand that I should be able to help to them; be with them?
"Does his mother know?" I whisper my voice as dead as I feel.
"Yeah she's with Victoria. I didn't think she should be alone for awhile." Ismus says then she adds, "You should get some sleep. While you can." I nod just to answer her while my mind is calculating. I should go to Kari and apologize for letting her son slip into death's clutches. And then the other half of me wants to stay with Jason's body. I can't tell you why I feel like I should stay. I know he's dead but it's like I can't believe it. I refuse to believe it though I can see his lifeless corpse. I'm glad Victoria's here. When something bad happens she's the kindest. I wonder if Ismus would kick me out if I said I wanted to stay.
"It's not healthy for you to stay here. I won't permit it. You've done enough." Ismus says sternly. Done enough? What? Damage? Trying? I look to Ismus for answers knowing she's picking everything out of my brain, but her expression reveals nothing. She wears a mask. So I leave with my mind to full of images of Ismus and her words and Jason's face. As I walk further the wolves still don't meet my eyes. Like if they did I would turn them into lifeless corpses too. The Den is usuually buzzing with conversation tonight all conversations are sober. As I round the Den to the Kitchens, I find Kari crying so hard her whole body is shaking. Victoria is speaking softly to her murmuring words that I know mean nothing. Kari see's me and wails.
"Kari. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. He was getting better......" My words even sound like lies on my tongue even though they are completely the truth.
"Why my son? He didn't hurt anybody!" She moans. I don't know how to answer. How do you answer a question such as that? Anything that could be the truth will sound like a lie. I don't know why Jason's heart gave out like that. He was just so sick before. That's why she wanted him injected with Cortia Venaught. We had hoped it would cure whatever was wrong with his heart. I had thought that it had. I gave him two ounces of my own poisoned system. So that he would be almost like me. We had never tried anything like this before injecting an already sick human, with poision to save his life. The ratio was impossibly a hundred to one. Still I had said it worked. I was so sure that it had. He was better.
"Why did you you lie to him? You told him it'd be okay!" She's yelling at me now and still I can't answer.
"I don't know Kari. I'm sorry so sorry."
"I HATE YOU!" She screams her voice shrill and piercing like that of one of my siren song's. "YOU KILLED HIM!"
"No Kari. I didn't I tried Kari I tried to save Jason. I swear I did!" I plead to the crying lady. But she's past reason her eyes are empty.
"I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A MONSTER JUST LIKE THEM! YOU DON'T CARE DO YOU? IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER TO YOU WHETHER JASON'S....THAT HE'S DEAD!" She yells her voice cracking on the last word. I open my mouth and then close it because what could I say to that? No I didn't kill Jason? That would be a lie it's my fault he's dead. Then I'm running. From the hospital with it's stench of death and guilt, from the wolves who still won't look at me, from being King. It's stupid of me to act like this but something's you just can't stand without getting upset. It's just not possible. I did care about Jason. He was so talented and kind. Wolves look at me as I pass I can hear their confused thoughts bouncing around my skull. I hurtle along through the tunnels, an invisible bullet in the dark.
My room, my safe haven. The lights turn on automatically. My room is the largest by far with it's own library and a bathroom I hardly ever use. The walls are made of compacted red dirt and a hard wood floor covered with a red plush carpet. The bed, Four Poster, with red and black comforter was Victoria's idea. "Red and black fits you ya know?" Was her excuse. So I went along with it who was I to argue when my fashion sense was nill? Anger frothes inside of me. I kick the wall and a few dust specticales flitter around. Throwing myself onto the bed, I scream against the fabric of one of my pillows. I scream until my voice gives out. I scream until only tears excape from my eyes. It's awhile before I calm down enough to sit up. But the numb cold sensation spreads through my heart once more making it impossible to sit still. Rocking back and forth seems to make it hurt more as if movement froze me on the inside another degree. Even staying still the cold became steadily more painful. Like my pain was not enough. I have to physicaly suffer too. Whatever it is, I'll take it.
I should have said no to giving Jason Cortia. I should have seen that it wouldn't of had saved him but lessened his days. But Kari, begged me to try. How was I to say no when I was immortal? I didn't know that it would kill him. Ismus didn't even know and I got her permission before injecting him with it. He had been getting better at first. Before he couldn't even sit up, an hour later he could. He was so happy and I was thrilled that I had saved his life. Kari's husband had left her two years ago, and Jason was the only person she had left. How was I to say no? Why hadn't I? I cry for a longer time. It's not something I can really describe. I'm not a father but yet I cry every time one of my wolves dies. Because I really do know them as if I were their father. It's one of those things that you know that this kid had a future. Jason had been only here for the last few days but I spent a lot of time with him. Telling him that it'd be okay that power fixes everything now he's dead. Some king I am. He trusted me to help him and I dug him his grave. I don't cry a lot in fact the only people who have seen me cry, is Victoria, Veronica and Hailey. Oksanna has maybe once or twice but I doubt she really thinks about it. I don't think she even knows Jason's dead. These thoughts bring a fresh wave of tears to my eyes. It's not fair for me to still be living when Jason was depraved of that only an hour before.
"You know I knew a young lad just your age once." Says a deep, but yet soothingly soft voice. I look up shocked to find that I hadn't been alone. I hastily wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. How long had he been standing there? It's kind of embarressing when one of the wolves catches you crying. Besides King's aren't supposed to cry. At first I think it's one of the newer wolves. But then I remember that if it were a new wolf I would have met him already. And this guy definately wasn't one of the new ones. The new wolves are usually nervous as all hell and this guy was about as confident as they get. He was also very familliar but in a deju vu sense. His hair a dark brown, neatly shaved sits in frizzy waves atop his head. His beard is scruffy and could have only been grown a few days ago, could pass as he forgot to shave. His eyes however; are ice and flame a strange combination you find only in the Keasten line of werewolves. We were known for our odd eye color. His skin, perfectly tan, as if he had just gotten out of the tanning salon or sprayed on a tan is darker by a tinge to mine. His clothes were odd too. Military green pants and a white tee-shirt. With Dog Tags hanging around his neck with script to small to read. His feet are bare except for the tattoo on his ankle with the initials JK and then the same intials backwards KJ. He looks me over too probably decideding I'm to weak to be much of anything. For some reason this ticks me off. First he's seen me crying and now he's probably thinking that I suck as a King too. Just what I need.
"Not to be rude, but who are you?" I ask, my tone slightly degrading. If he noticed his expression doesn't give anything away. Like the calm before the storm you never know when disaster is going to strike.
"Seriously you don't know me? I know you. I've known you for a long time." He says mysteriously as if he was the world's greatest person alive. Some how his voice sounds familiar to me, as if I've heard it a thousand times but just don't remember it. His face looks familiar too, but I doubt that we've ever met. I know every one of my wolves. It's not possible for me not even to see the new arrivals. Then again I could be wrong.
"What do you want? Are you a new werewolf?" I am starting to get creeped out. None of the wolves know where my room is or their not supposed to anyway. There was this whole thing with Jack in the seventeen hundreds, where people tried to kill him while he was sleeping. It kind of gave new meaning to Sleep with One Eye Open so after that the location of the King's room is kept secret except by a few people. He grins, like he can read my mind and is enjoying every thought like it is comic strips in the Sunday paper. I'm halfway between demanding him to leave, or throwing him out myself.
"No. I'm not a new werewolf. I'm kind of old really. But I think you should know, that I've seen more death than you have. It gets easier if you stop caring. Act like nothing bothers you and soon it won't." He says like he's the knowledge keeper that he in fact does know everything. I resist the temptation to roll my eyes. It's not proper behavior of a King. But some things are just to annoying. He smirks making my anger boil over.
"Who the hell are you? And what are you talking about?" I demand of this stranger. What the hell does he know? I don't usually get this angry but he was seriously starting to annoy me.
"You know me. Don't say you don't because everyone knows me. I know what you're going through. With that boy, Jason Santose. Your just like another King I used to know. Young Lad put in charge of fifty seven people whom he knew personaly. I watched him give up everything too. I could have stopped him but I didn't. You've got over two hundred wolves here and you know everything about them. He did too. Could tell you everything from their first names to their first crush. He didn't know when to stop. He became obsessed with wolves with the cure to Cortia Venaught."
'I'm not obsessed I'm just sick of being like this. I can see why Jack was like this. It's miserable being immortal."
"Yes but Jack was stupid. Thought he could help them by staying away. Killed more wolves that way." The guy says flinching as if he were actually there. "But anyways, if you need help, there's a book in the library it's hidden behind some books on the bottom shelve, last row."
"How do you know?" I'm past freaked out. And he knows it. He smirks a little half smile, one I often give Hailey that makes her laugh.
"Let's just say I was one of Jack's people. Knew when he'd had enough. He used to come here late at night and would write for hours. Used to help him especially when he lost his wife and his son." The guy says softly. His eyes focusing on something he alone can see and then looking at nothing at all. "Wrote so much we couldn't keep pens filled with ink when he was around. Used to lock the door so that no one could come in and check up on him. Could hear him crying some nights screaming when his wife died. Soundin' so pathetic we wondered why he didn't pull the trigger sooner. Of course I knew it was only a matter of time before he snapped completely. He did seem to get better towards the end. It was odd the way he was acting. One night he was crying and the next morning, he was so happy like he discovered the cure for cancer. Of course they didn't think any thing of it. I mean who would suspect someone would do such a thing? If death is permanant. They thought Jack was getting better. Of course we wanted him to be. But you could see it in his eyes how empty he was. But still to think he would do such a thing. Hate himself so much that suicide was his only option. Of course no one knew how bad it was getting. " He continues softer still,
"Then one day just as dawn was breaking, He walked out into the commons right in front of everybody like it was nothing, with a gun to his head his finger pressed right over the trigger. Yelling his head off about how much he couldn't stand it anymore. Couldn't stand the silence or the pain that never seemed to go away. And then he started laughing. Laughing like a mad man and then just as we figured out that he wasn't right, he pulled the trigger and blew his brains out. His blood splattered all over the walls. He was dead before he hit the ground. Of course Ismus was there a flower in her prime fresh out of medical school. Knew there was no hope for Jack and even if there was, he wouldn't come back. Made sure he had stripped everyone of his rights to the last letter. " He finishes a sad grin playing on his grim lips. I sit there stunned for a few seconds. The guy stares at me xraying my reaction like it mattered to him how this information would affect me.
"I think you need to leave. Now." I say. I expect him to get mad but instead he shrugs.
"Fine. But don't take my word for it. Check for yourself in the back row whole bottom shelf, if you really want answers. He wrote everything thought it would help him. " The man says smiling like he was insane. And then he's gone as if he hadn't been there at all. As if he was made of smoke.
As if he were a ghost.
Present day
Vancouver, Canada
The morning air is cold. I can see my breath as it evaporates in the below freezing air around me. I should be asleep right now. So far asleep that nothing could wake me not even a atomic bomb.But I'm wide awake as I have been for the last few days, as if I had drank thirty gallons of coffee. It's not like I don't want to sleep. No ,everything inside of my mind begs me to crawl back into bed and wait for the sun to appear but sadly, I can't. Sleep just seems so impossible with nights like these that the moons awake and shining on her beautiful planet. Tonight is different from any of those other nights, I can't tell you how I know, but something keeps me from entering the land where my brain becomes the lovely victim to static dreams. On nights like these only the sound of the free way five miles away, calms me down. It helps some how like the sound of motors and distant music soothes my soul. I can listen to it for hours and close my eyes like I'm there. I used to live in New York as a little Kid. And I suppose that's why it helps because I can remember being little, and being in my mother's arms all safe and protected, watching the traffic as it made its way down the avenue. I miss those days when everything seemed so simple, and my mother still had me and my father. I didn't live there long only two years, but it was more of a home to me than Canada. Things changed quickly after I turned two. I can't remember why it's all kind of fuzzy when I try to remember. But I do remember hearing a really loud noise like two gun shots and people screaming. And after it was just silence. I suppose I started to cry after that, but I stopped because this man had suddenly appeared beside my crib. For the life of me I can't remember what he looked like, but I remember him saying in this sweet, soothing voice, that it was okay. I suppose I knew that he wasn't going to hurt me and that's why I believed him, but I still wake up at night as if I were two again and the gun shots were just fired. That's what happened tonight. Sam dream but instead I was watching it from the man's point of view. For some strange reason, my head kept hurting all the while I was watching the tiny me.
I sigh the sound just as soft as the wind and as sad as the world is now.
The woods are a black unknown bordering the ancient, white house on all sides and in that mass, the wolves are howling in the dark their voices mixing together to form a melody all of their own. They are trapped for another day in the forms that betrays our kind. I feel bad for them. In theory I should be a wolf too, but evolution made me stronger. The wind blows her icy breath across my body making me shiver. My clothes are thin and I am dead so it shouldn't matter. I'm eighteen as I have been for the last forty nine years and I haven't gotten used to it yet. Unable to sleep and being hungry, I sit on the balcony and watch the stars. I miss the sky. As a vampire I spend most of my time inside. As a werewolf, I roam the night wishing the moon would free me from her curse. It's not going to happen but it would be nice if it would. Just for a few months. It's not that I hate being a werewolf. In fact it doesn't suck and being the King is nice. But not any one of the vampires I live with knows I'm a hybrid, no one but Hailey, and she won't tell. But maybe I should. It's not so bad any more and I haven't hurt any of the vampires. And I want to tell them but something tells me not too. I'm just afraid they'll hate me. "They won't hate you. I don't." Hailey insists every time I almost get the courage to tell the world I'm a half breed. She also says that if my temperature keeps climbing the way it is, we're going to have to get another bed. See, she's a vampire and heat doesn't exactly fit well with them. I know it's not comfortable for her, but I can't burn if I'm already burning and I can't freeze if I'm already freezing. If I ever had to go to a hospital, I'd be an experiment. How a Boy Survives a Temperature of One hundred and Seventeen. I don't get how I can be so hot and be so cold at the same time. Hailey has a theory and it explains almost everything. My body constantly fights a war with what I am. The two halves are dominant and because of that, I am an oven and a glacier all at the same time. I wonder if they have pills for that. It would be great if they did. I take Moondrek for the transformation but it doesn't stop the pain. I make Hailey go away so she doesn't see me like that. She doesn't like to leave me alone. The full moon was last week. The cuts on my wrists haven't faded yet. They weren't self inflicted and power won't wash them away. Being bare chested doesn't help the cold but it does help the fever. Jeans, already ripped, almost hang off of me. My weight is never what it's supposed to be I either lose it to quickly or gain so little of it, you don't notice the difference. Tonight however; my ribs are present hidden by a thin layer of skin and fat. I should hunt someone or something. My throat burns just to remind me that there's another side that needs attention too. I could snag a few deer. Snag a murderer or two.
I wish Sam was home. He's my older brother. He's grumpy most of the time and doesn't like any body but he tolerates us and Pire. She's the Original you have to like the Originals they're something of royalty though they don't exactly rule. More or else Sam can't exactly flip an Original off. He and Pire are in Port Angeles. I always thought She and Sam had a thing for each other. I did ask once and Pire laughed. She said there was no way in hell she and Sam would ever like each other. And he values her as his sister not anything else. Sam's one of those vampires who act without thinking though he says he doesn't regret changing me. He did at first because I had a drinking problem. But I got out of it. He says I reminded him of his younger brother most of the time. His younger brother was his best friend when he was human, he remembers his brother the most . It's Sam's fault-or so he says-that Aubrey died. He doesn't really say what happened except that if he hadn't been in those woods the day Elias, his creator was hunting, his mother wouldn't have committed suicide because her son wouldn't be a vampire. His life is a gift only he doesn't see it that way. I don't think being a vampire is that bad sure hunting humans is wrong, but hunting criminals helps the innocent. The wind shifts. The wolves howl. Their just beyond the trees now moving in further. They know not to come on to this land, it's kind of an unspoken rule. Not that we would hurt them but its kind of out of respect. They know I keep my werewolf side a secret though many find it stupid to do so. But also because Selesia is buried not far from here just a little ways off by the lake. She was Sam's Soulmate. When she died he lost everything. Everyone thinks he murdered her which he kind of did, so now his name's mud with the mythological community. The werewolves respected Selesia she was the light side of a black hole. And she let them live on their land even cross it every once and a while. They respect Sam too, but he doesn't return the favor. It's another reason why he doesn't know. My foster father, knows somethings up with me but he doesn't say a word. I think he knows I'm a werewolf. Everyone else does. And I do mean everyone. The Keasten name is another royal one. And I do mean Royal. Oksanna is descended from King Jack , the first Werewolf King. And I happen to be her son. Not a great achievement if you ask me, but being King has it's good sides. She is the Original, the Queen, the Alpha. The One Who's Never Around That Much. And when she is the wolves listen to her but look to me to okay what ever she says. That's another reason why the vampire's can't trace me back to the wolves. Oksanna put me up for adoption so my last name was changed to Gabriel. Anyway, when I was turned werewolf, I became the legal King of the wolves. Changed all the rules and made them mean nothing. The wolves even respect Hailey though she's a vampire. No one else has tried to make the marriage between a vampire and a werewolf work. As far as life goes, we're a success story.
Hailey's been to the Den only a few times. I'd think she'd like it more if Ed wasn't around. He's this fifty year old werewolf that gets drunk every other day and goes on rages on just about anything he can think of. I feel bad for him,lost everything when his wife and child died. Not much to live for, he always says, but I'm not sure he ever really tried. No one really likes him and not because of anything he can't help. He's just mean. Last year Hailey wanted to meet some of the new wolves, so I let her come along. Huge mistake. Ed happened to have a party with Jack Daniels and Budweiser the night before and well he said a lot of things to Hailey. A lot of unkind things that you're not supposed to say to women. Of course he had no recollection the morning after but after that Hailey hasn't been back. It makes me feel guilty because I can't control Ed's drunken rages and it's not like I can take away his alcohol. He'd die without it and even though we can't stand Ed, it'd be different without out him. So for now, I'm on a long drop with a short stop. Hailey claims that she doesn't mind me spending so much time with the werewolves after all I am half werewolf. But I still worry. It's not easy being married to someone like me. Half the time I think she's just trying to make it easier on me. And I hate that. It should be simpler. She should be able to depend on me for a lot of things and she can't because I'm not sure if I won't switch. Of course I recognize her when I'm a wolf but it's not an easy thing seeing the creature who did this to you. It's not an easy thing to love someone you're not supposed too either. There's a lot of people who frown on our marriage
"Kellen?" Hailey murmurs. I hadn't heard her get up.
"Yes my love?" I ask turning around. Hailey looks flawless even though she's technically half asleep. Her hair is kind of messy and her eyes are a pale green. Her skin is pale but she still retains a little color. She is Perfect.
"Can't sleep?" She asks. Climbing out of the window she sits next to me. Leaning her head against my shoulder.
"No. Not when my Wolve's are wide awake." I answer. She yawns.
"Join them if you want. You can freely transform." She suggests. It is true any time the Full Moon isn't forcing the transformation I can transform freely. But it's getting harder for me to decide which form to switch back into. Not that I don't know the difference between man and wolf, but my body can't shift as easily as before. With being a vampire I can see why forcing the transformation is a harder but easier option. During the full moon I lose everything that made me a vampire fangs not included. But of course I haven't exactly gotten around telling her that.
"It's the last day of school and I can't ask Greg to call in sick for me. Sam already has that excuse. And besides I can't keep switching forms. It's getting harder for me to shift back." I admit. Though I pretty much know which form I'd rather be in. The wolves call to me and even in the back of my mind I want to transform. I can feel it in my veins that I could this very minute if I wanted too. It'd only take a second. That's all and I'd be a wolf. So why don't I? Mainly because the vampire side says no. I say no. To be like that is harder to get out of. And then not knowing how to switch back into a vampire........
"You never told me that." She murmurs.
"It's only been the last few transformations. I couldn't switch back when I wanted too. It was like I couldn't." I say,slowly like each word hurt me. She doesn't say anything for a few seconds. My temperature fluctuates.
"Have you told Pire? Maybe she knows something." I sigh. The go to person, Pire. She knows the curse she helped create it. Only problem is now, is that she regrets her part in it. Now trying to find a cure for a curse proved impossible, is harder when some still believe the curse should be influenced by pain.
"I told her. She said it was probably normal. My mind is still vampish but my body is a wolf. And transforming back and forth is confusing."
"Does Moondrek Help?"
"No, Pire says it might be changing my system. Make it confused into which form I should take."
"Does Victoria know anything?" Victoria is my oldest friend. She is one of the Alpha's King Jack anointed before he died.
"Nope and ma isn't around long enough. Veronica is trying to find her but she's disappeared again." I say. Oksanna is like that, Master of disappearing and her hatred of me her are her two greatest talents. I don't hate her but I wouldn't be caught dead in the same room with her. Yet, I'm supposed to rule with her. Hailey has never met her Mother-in-law because dear ma disapproves of our marriage. And my father, is dead. I guess. Victoria and Veronica know what ever became of Kaleb Keasten the guy so invisible, life itself left him. But they say it's better if I'm left in the dark. I don't see how that's better, but I'm not about to argue.
"Wasn't she there a few days ago?"
"Yep. And she left before the moon had a chance to restrict her. She's now immune to the curse. It's not affecting her like it should." I say. Hailey looks puzzled. I forgot there was about a million things Hailey did not know. Not about the history of the werewolves.
"Is that possible?" Hailey whispers.
"I don't know, the curse isn't supposed to let us off the hook. It was designed to punish us." I whisper.
"Maybe evolution?" She suggests. I chuckle. Evolution the answer to every vampire obstacle. But not an answer to all the werewolve obstacles.
"I don't think so. It would effect me too. I'm the King and her son the last evolution we went through effected me too." I explain. "I think she's found a way out of it."
"That's not possible. Even Pire said there's no loopholes. Her brother created it maybe he could find the cure." I snort.
"He won't. He said, that there was no way in hell he would let us off so easily." I say. "Even though most of the wolves from the sixteenth hundreds were executed, as long as my line still exists, there is no cure." I sigh remembering Nathan's words. After the second war, the war we helped the vampires with, he agreed not to hunt us but he would never free us. But Pire believes if I can find the mistake King Jack made, I could find the cure. Only problem is my family history is clouded by lies. Hailey sighs.
"So how did Jack exactly die?"
"I don't know. No one knows." I say somberly. "Victoria, Veronica and Oksanna were there. But they're not saying anything."
"What do you think?" She asks curiously. I have sort of an idea that he wanted out of it. But like everything else it's just a theory.
"I think he couldn't handle it. It was hard in the beginning transforming every month. His son almost died a few times, did die in the end. His wife, Becka died a few months later from grief. Stopped eating starved to death nothing any one said could make her change her mind. She just didn't care anymore. That had to have pushed him over the edge. And not to mention how many people hated him. Their family members died from the fever and he being a survivor, most thought he made a deal with the vampires." I explain.
"Did he?"
"I don't think he did. Pire told me that out of all the werewolves' created none of them made any deals."
"That's rather unhelpful." Hailey says warily. "What if she's lying? Sam once said that there are things she did that even she won't tell." I shrug. It was possible. I lied all the time as King of the wolves. Pire could easily lie if she wanted too. And I could understand why. Sometimes it's just easier to say something else when the truth is much worse. I've always thought if you are going to lie because the truth would hurt someone else than it was better than flat out saying something harsh.
"I can't say. In those days it was forbidden of werewolves and vampires to communicate.That's the thing though, it's so frustrating. If the wolves and the vampires are mortal enemies then I don't get how we've stayed together for so long. It shouldn't be possible for us to be this close without wanting to kill each other .But in the first few days, Pire did tell me she watched Jack on night's when he would transform. She had never wanted to kill him."
"Why?"
" I don't know. Pire's different from us in a way. And you have to think about the fact that it was fascinating. Vampires had never tried to change humans into anything before. And for it to work on Jack, when he was already strong enough to withstand most major illnesses of that time, seeing what vampires are capable of it was something unheard of. As well as Forbidden. I know for a fact Pire acted odd after that night when Cortia Venaught started reaping lives. It's like she hates what Nathanial did, but if she went against him he'd silence her too. "
"Kill her?" Hailey asks astonished. I nod soberly. It's easy to forget how much of this she doesn't know. I should let her dig deep into werewolf history. It would fascinate her more than it would me. I'm not that good with our history. Though Pire argues that fact. Once I know what the topic is I can ramble on easily.
"You have to remember Hailey, that women in those days in the sixteen hundreds were very obedient to the men of the household. Vampire women were like that too. It was all that they knew. Pire's dominant now but only because she was deemed the first vampire. She's the youngest of her two brothers. If Nathanial somehow was murdered Daniel would take over for him."
"Nathan doesn't seem the type to do that though to be so cruel." Hailey says slowly. I can see why she would think that. I've seen both sides of Nathan when only she's seen one.
"There's two sides to us," I say scratching my chin, "Well most of us anyway. Nathan's one of those people who wears a mask in public but shows his true colors at home. Pire used to say he had two completely different identities."
"Like alters?" Hailey asks surprised. Most illnesses and disorders go away when you become a vampire. One that doesn't is DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder. But only because the alters are are a part of your mind already and have a personality of their own.
"Yes. From what I've seen he switches personalities. Sometimes he'll go by Nate other times it's Nathanial right now it's Nathan. And he hardly remembers what he's said sometimes. Pire's not sure and it's not like she can mention it to him. He gets all mad when she tries too."
"Wouldn't he notice if he were forgetting things?"
"No. As far as I know if he does in fact have have Dissociative Identity Disorder, one alter would remember the information. He seems to most of the time. Pire says he's always been like that though." The wolves howl louder. It's sympathetic. For the last two weeks, the new arrival, Jason, hasn't been able to control his temperature. Ismus has been upset all week because no matter what she does, Jason's temperature rises higher and higher. It was two hundred and four yesterday. Ismus and I and three other werewolves who hadn't shifted yet, piled ice on his burning body. It made his temperature lower but it was only a matter of time before his heart gave out. His mother, Kari wanted me to turn him into a vampire. But it wouldn't have worked if I had bit him. Only a full vampire can change a human I can't. I'd kill the guy. My fangs are coated with poison and power. That's the thing with being a hybrid you get a mix of everything together. Poison, Power, immortality from everything. But there's things you can't do because it would never work. One of the wolves howl changes to pure agony, and I know Ismus just told Kari, Jason's mother. The agonized howling changes to something that's neither human or animal.
"Are you okay?" Hailey asks. I had realized that my hands had balled up into fists. It's just one of those reactions that completely give me away.
"Hmn. Look I got to go. I think one of the wolves just died."
The wolves are crowded around the hospital when I get there. They don't look at me which makes it worse some how. Like if they look at me then they'll confirm what I already know. That it's to late even before I go in. A numb feeling spreads over me as I open the door to the Den's hospital. I've dealt with the end about a dozen times but there was something to seeing Jason's lifeless body laying on that bed. His hands are cold and pale like flour as I take them into my own feeling for anything that would mean life. But I already know how useless it is and that kills any of the hope that had sparked inside of me. I could already see where the blood is starting to coagulate, forming like bruises do slow and noticeable but unlike a bruise it just keeps getting darker and nothing will stop it. He was gone. Death had taken him for his own.
"Kellen I couldn't stop his heart from failing." Ismus says softly tears streak there way down her cheeks. I hadn't realized that she had come over to me. So quiet with her footsteps. All the makings of a very prime predator. Just like me she feels something for all the wolves whether we knew them for a long time. I don't say anything. Instead, I place Jason's hand over his chest. She stares down at Jason's face. He looked peaceful somehow. And for some reason I want to yell at him to wake up. It was stupid to feel like that. But I had promised his mother, him, that I'd find a way to save him. Ismus reads my thoughts. It's so easy to forget that she gets into my head more than any other mind reader. Maybe because everyone else doesn't cross the imaginary line. Or maybe they think my thoughts are to twisted to intrude on. I remember a few days ago how Jason wanted to play cards. So I brought him a deck and the three of us played for nearly four hours. The whole time we couldn't keep from laughing. Jason was a funny kid he could find the funny side of bad days. Had that only been four days ago? It seems longer now. I guess death stretches time out to make the days before seem so long ago. Had I stayed tonight maybe I could have stopped it. Ismus places her hand over mine and it's remarkable how much she's like a kindly grandmother.
"There was nothing you could have done your Highness. It's not your fault." She says. I want to yell at her to shut up. I'm tired of people saying it's not my fault when something bad happens. Don't they understand that I should be able to help to them; be with them?
"Does his mother know?" I whisper my voice as dead as I feel.
"Yeah she's with Victoria. I didn't think she should be alone for awhile." Ismus says then she adds, "You should get some sleep. While you can." I nod just to answer her while my mind is calculating. I should go to Kari and apologize for letting her son slip into death's clutches. And then the other half of me wants to stay with Jason's body. I can't tell you why I feel like I should stay. I know he's dead but it's like I can't believe it. I refuse to believe it though I can see his lifeless corpse. I'm glad Victoria's here. When something bad happens she's the kindest. I wonder if Ismus would kick me out if I said I wanted to stay.
"It's not healthy for you to stay here. I won't permit it. You've done enough." Ismus says sternly. Done enough? What? Damage? Trying? I look to Ismus for answers knowing she's picking everything out of my brain, but her expression reveals nothing. She wears a mask. So I leave with my mind to full of images of Ismus and her words and Jason's face. As I walk further the wolves still don't meet my eyes. Like if they did I would turn them into lifeless corpses too. The Den is usuually buzzing with conversation tonight all conversations are sober. As I round the Den to the Kitchens, I find Kari crying so hard her whole body is shaking. Victoria is speaking softly to her murmuring words that I know mean nothing. Kari see's me and wails.
"Kari. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. He was getting better......" My words even sound like lies on my tongue even though they are completely the truth.
"Why my son? He didn't hurt anybody!" She moans. I don't know how to answer. How do you answer a question such as that? Anything that could be the truth will sound like a lie. I don't know why Jason's heart gave out like that. He was just so sick before. That's why she wanted him injected with Cortia Venaught. We had hoped it would cure whatever was wrong with his heart. I had thought that it had. I gave him two ounces of my own poisoned system. So that he would be almost like me. We had never tried anything like this before injecting an already sick human, with poision to save his life. The ratio was impossibly a hundred to one. Still I had said it worked. I was so sure that it had. He was better.
"Why did you you lie to him? You told him it'd be okay!" She's yelling at me now and still I can't answer.
"I don't know Kari. I'm sorry so sorry."
"I HATE YOU!" She screams her voice shrill and piercing like that of one of my siren song's. "YOU KILLED HIM!"
"No Kari. I didn't I tried Kari I tried to save Jason. I swear I did!" I plead to the crying lady. But she's past reason her eyes are empty.
"I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A MONSTER JUST LIKE THEM! YOU DON'T CARE DO YOU? IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER TO YOU WHETHER JASON'S....THAT HE'S DEAD!" She yells her voice cracking on the last word. I open my mouth and then close it because what could I say to that? No I didn't kill Jason? That would be a lie it's my fault he's dead. Then I'm running. From the hospital with it's stench of death and guilt, from the wolves who still won't look at me, from being King. It's stupid of me to act like this but something's you just can't stand without getting upset. It's just not possible. I did care about Jason. He was so talented and kind. Wolves look at me as I pass I can hear their confused thoughts bouncing around my skull. I hurtle along through the tunnels, an invisible bullet in the dark.
My room, my safe haven. The lights turn on automatically. My room is the largest by far with it's own library and a bathroom I hardly ever use. The walls are made of compacted red dirt and a hard wood floor covered with a red plush carpet. The bed, Four Poster, with red and black comforter was Victoria's idea. "Red and black fits you ya know?" Was her excuse. So I went along with it who was I to argue when my fashion sense was nill? Anger frothes inside of me. I kick the wall and a few dust specticales flitter around. Throwing myself onto the bed, I scream against the fabric of one of my pillows. I scream until my voice gives out. I scream until only tears excape from my eyes. It's awhile before I calm down enough to sit up. But the numb cold sensation spreads through my heart once more making it impossible to sit still. Rocking back and forth seems to make it hurt more as if movement froze me on the inside another degree. Even staying still the cold became steadily more painful. Like my pain was not enough. I have to physicaly suffer too. Whatever it is, I'll take it.
I should have said no to giving Jason Cortia. I should have seen that it wouldn't of had saved him but lessened his days. But Kari, begged me to try. How was I to say no when I was immortal? I didn't know that it would kill him. Ismus didn't even know and I got her permission before injecting him with it. He had been getting better at first. Before he couldn't even sit up, an hour later he could. He was so happy and I was thrilled that I had saved his life. Kari's husband had left her two years ago, and Jason was the only person she had left. How was I to say no? Why hadn't I? I cry for a longer time. It's not something I can really describe. I'm not a father but yet I cry every time one of my wolves dies. Because I really do know them as if I were their father. It's one of those things that you know that this kid had a future. Jason had been only here for the last few days but I spent a lot of time with him. Telling him that it'd be okay that power fixes everything now he's dead. Some king I am. He trusted me to help him and I dug him his grave. I don't cry a lot in fact the only people who have seen me cry, is Victoria, Veronica and Hailey. Oksanna has maybe once or twice but I doubt she really thinks about it. I don't think she even knows Jason's dead. These thoughts bring a fresh wave of tears to my eyes. It's not fair for me to still be living when Jason was depraved of that only an hour before.
"You know I knew a young lad just your age once." Says a deep, but yet soothingly soft voice. I look up shocked to find that I hadn't been alone. I hastily wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. How long had he been standing there? It's kind of embarressing when one of the wolves catches you crying. Besides King's aren't supposed to cry. At first I think it's one of the newer wolves. But then I remember that if it were a new wolf I would have met him already. And this guy definately wasn't one of the new ones. The new wolves are usually nervous as all hell and this guy was about as confident as they get. He was also very familliar but in a deju vu sense. His hair a dark brown, neatly shaved sits in frizzy waves atop his head. His beard is scruffy and could have only been grown a few days ago, could pass as he forgot to shave. His eyes however; are ice and flame a strange combination you find only in the Keasten line of werewolves. We were known for our odd eye color. His skin, perfectly tan, as if he had just gotten out of the tanning salon or sprayed on a tan is darker by a tinge to mine. His clothes were odd too. Military green pants and a white tee-shirt. With Dog Tags hanging around his neck with script to small to read. His feet are bare except for the tattoo on his ankle with the initials JK and then the same intials backwards KJ. He looks me over too probably decideding I'm to weak to be much of anything. For some reason this ticks me off. First he's seen me crying and now he's probably thinking that I suck as a King too. Just what I need.
"Not to be rude, but who are you?" I ask, my tone slightly degrading. If he noticed his expression doesn't give anything away. Like the calm before the storm you never know when disaster is going to strike.
"Seriously you don't know me? I know you. I've known you for a long time." He says mysteriously as if he was the world's greatest person alive. Some how his voice sounds familiar to me, as if I've heard it a thousand times but just don't remember it. His face looks familiar too, but I doubt that we've ever met. I know every one of my wolves. It's not possible for me not even to see the new arrivals. Then again I could be wrong.
"What do you want? Are you a new werewolf?" I am starting to get creeped out. None of the wolves know where my room is or their not supposed to anyway. There was this whole thing with Jack in the seventeen hundreds, where people tried to kill him while he was sleeping. It kind of gave new meaning to Sleep with One Eye Open so after that the location of the King's room is kept secret except by a few people. He grins, like he can read my mind and is enjoying every thought like it is comic strips in the Sunday paper. I'm halfway between demanding him to leave, or throwing him out myself.
"No. I'm not a new werewolf. I'm kind of old really. But I think you should know, that I've seen more death than you have. It gets easier if you stop caring. Act like nothing bothers you and soon it won't." He says like he's the knowledge keeper that he in fact does know everything. I resist the temptation to roll my eyes. It's not proper behavior of a King. But some things are just to annoying. He smirks making my anger boil over.
"Who the hell are you? And what are you talking about?" I demand of this stranger. What the hell does he know? I don't usually get this angry but he was seriously starting to annoy me.
"You know me. Don't say you don't because everyone knows me. I know what you're going through. With that boy, Jason Santose. Your just like another King I used to know. Young Lad put in charge of fifty seven people whom he knew personaly. I watched him give up everything too. I could have stopped him but I didn't. You've got over two hundred wolves here and you know everything about them. He did too. Could tell you everything from their first names to their first crush. He didn't know when to stop. He became obsessed with wolves with the cure to Cortia Venaught."
'I'm not obsessed I'm just sick of being like this. I can see why Jack was like this. It's miserable being immortal."
"Yes but Jack was stupid. Thought he could help them by staying away. Killed more wolves that way." The guy says flinching as if he were actually there. "But anyways, if you need help, there's a book in the library it's hidden behind some books on the bottom shelve, last row."
"How do you know?" I'm past freaked out. And he knows it. He smirks a little half smile, one I often give Hailey that makes her laugh.
"Let's just say I was one of Jack's people. Knew when he'd had enough. He used to come here late at night and would write for hours. Used to help him especially when he lost his wife and his son." The guy says softly. His eyes focusing on something he alone can see and then looking at nothing at all. "Wrote so much we couldn't keep pens filled with ink when he was around. Used to lock the door so that no one could come in and check up on him. Could hear him crying some nights screaming when his wife died. Soundin' so pathetic we wondered why he didn't pull the trigger sooner. Of course I knew it was only a matter of time before he snapped completely. He did seem to get better towards the end. It was odd the way he was acting. One night he was crying and the next morning, he was so happy like he discovered the cure for cancer. Of course they didn't think any thing of it. I mean who would suspect someone would do such a thing? If death is permanant. They thought Jack was getting better. Of course we wanted him to be. But you could see it in his eyes how empty he was. But still to think he would do such a thing. Hate himself so much that suicide was his only option. Of course no one knew how bad it was getting. " He continues softer still,
"Then one day just as dawn was breaking, He walked out into the commons right in front of everybody like it was nothing, with a gun to his head his finger pressed right over the trigger. Yelling his head off about how much he couldn't stand it anymore. Couldn't stand the silence or the pain that never seemed to go away. And then he started laughing. Laughing like a mad man and then just as we figured out that he wasn't right, he pulled the trigger and blew his brains out. His blood splattered all over the walls. He was dead before he hit the ground. Of course Ismus was there a flower in her prime fresh out of medical school. Knew there was no hope for Jack and even if there was, he wouldn't come back. Made sure he had stripped everyone of his rights to the last letter. " He finishes a sad grin playing on his grim lips. I sit there stunned for a few seconds. The guy stares at me xraying my reaction like it mattered to him how this information would affect me.
"I think you need to leave. Now." I say. I expect him to get mad but instead he shrugs.
"Fine. But don't take my word for it. Check for yourself in the back row whole bottom shelf, if you really want answers. He wrote everything thought it would help him. " The man says smiling like he was insane. And then he's gone as if he hadn't been there at all. As if he was made of smoke.
As if he were a ghost.
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