As I am O too often showered with complaints leaving me nowhere but in such an annoyed state as to push me over the edge, I have to ask myself what has lead to this unsettling matter. Unfortunately, however, what I have to do and what I want to do seem to be repelling each other so shamelessly, making my brain harbor at its very own apocalypse. Although I am usually flooded with such complexities, at this very moment that very paradox seems to be nowhere in sight, even further its pure existence is sure not to be within this planet or not even in this or any universe at all. No, at this very moment I am in such a contradicting state as I can’t remember to have been before. That may not be true, though, as I might have unconsciously chosen not to take my failed, scrupulous youth into consideration. Still I’m aware of that happening to the point of consciousness, do I not see any reason to take such delight from me out of the pure human flawed façade to act solely on logic. I’m also aware of the emotions beyond that mask that which we all so foolishly try to force on our swollen faces, knowing that that tightness is useless to perpetuate. Actually my awareness expands beyond even those emotions to the ones I happen to sense at this talked upon moment. To put an end to my ramblings, I shall speak with an honesty from now on that allows me to be viewed by my companions, even those very close ones, with an unconditional disgust and indignant madness. By the grace of this time and place, where the norm forms our characters instead of the other way round, I shall speak my mind anticipating its impact. I just happen to have this unspeakable urge to destroy…to destroy everything that’s around and above. I would set it on fire, watch it burn to the ground, haze trough hell and break through the earth’s skin at the other side. Sparkling ashes would embrace that very skin and soothe it clean and empty. These ashes would turn to snow and simultaneously melt to seas and oceans by the sphere’s raging heart. These waters…I want to see them flood away all that’s left and then condense to leave a state of nothingness. I want to emerge from that nothingness and bring forth apes. And what if they started walking. Mercy I could even have them be talking. What if there were things called trees reaching out their arms round and round in imperfect circles creating a web of branches. I would make spiders and ants friends living on top of those branches shaking hands. I would let the sun and the moon be lovers to meet more than they ever have before. As Mother Nature only gave them some few random times to spend together. Oh why not give them each and every day. We would all live in a semi light and semi dark day and night. I want to see a raccoon doing a bear a favor and I want to see myself dancing with the Lion. The devil would join our festivities and mad as he is break out in a frenzy and beat upon us the heat of his sweating flames. The tree’s arms would collapse and smash down on the bear, who would blame the raccoon in his natural stupidity who would, offended by the bears distrust, throw a flame engulfed branch at him. The bear having nothing but his instincts could duck, leaving the fire stick for the Lion to receive. Taken by surprise his majesty would strike his claws across my face. The apes would be watching and having the ability to walk and talk (hence in all their wishful superiority), think of the idea to jump into the sea, which I forgot to mention, to take cover from the burning sky. Overestimating their intellect, these Apes would drown forgetting their inability to swim. The moon and the sun would break apart, as the sight of such a war would break up anything, I believe. I would be there lying in the middle of that incomprehensible mess with blood streaming into my mouth, my nose, my eyes. I would feel, hear, smell my creation burning to the ground through me and hell, breaking the earth’s skin once again at that other side. Those sparkling ashes would once again embrace, turn into snow, melt and condense. I would lay there in the middle of that nothingness, seeing nothing but red.
August 20, 2012