The Black Crystal

August 16, 2011
By lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech


The dock sits above the water. The lake is still, and its reflection makes it look like a mass area of glass. I sit cross-legged, watching the dark clouds form above my head. It is going to storm soon.
I feel peaceful – for now. There is no sound but my own breathing and the chirping of crickets. It feels very quiet here, but I know I must be alert. They are coming. I can almost feel their hooves pounding on the ground behind me. As I sit in silence, I listen for the sound of horns or yells.
I’ve been on the run since last week. Being half-mermaid, half-human, it’s easy for me to get away. I have the uncanny ability to change quickly so that I could plunge into the water and stay there for an eternity. I may not be able to run as fast as a unicorn or a centaur, but I can swim faster. While they have to change to human form and wade in slowly, I could dash away faster than a cheetah runs.
But I can’t keep this up for long. I need someplace to stay for longer than twenty-four hours. They know it, too. They’re waiting for me to give up, but I will never go down without a fight.
There it is – the shouts of my pursuers. I stand up and prepare to change to scales and tail. The seaweed around my body that I use partly as a disguise is still wet from the last swim. It was a large lake deep with algae and kelp. They had trouble with that, so I had at least an hour to stop and rest, but now I must move on.
As soon as they arrive from the thick bushes and trees, they see me instantly.
“Halt!” one centaur calls, running towards me with amazing speed. “You are charged with stealing from the Queen! Halt, I tell you, halt!”
I stand there, still in my human form, watching them file one by one from the forest. When they get close enough, they smile and think they’ve had me cornered. I smile back at them and dive for the water in a graceful arch. Before I’ve hit the water, my legs have glued together and have turned deep green. They mould and form into my mother’s shape: a long, gleaming tail.
As soon as I’m underwater, I look at how deep it is. Fortunately, it’s deep enough for me to swim and not be seen. I push my fins and pump them, though they are sore from so much swimming and changing. The seaweed that is stuck to my breasts swings freely in the water, and my gills take in the oxygen that only fish feel. My long, dark brown hair sways with the water and follows me as I swim at a leisurely pace across the lake. I take a quick glance behind my shoulder and see the hooves swooshing through the water behind me. They haven’t bothered to take the time to change. I wonder why; it’s not like they don’t have the energy. We also all know that they’re not going to get me.
But then I see the danger.
Back at the dock, I didn’t notice it. But now up close I realize that I cannot escape here. The next island is covered in purple grass. It’s been poisoned specifically for mermaids.
Purple grass is what centaurs and unicorns eat to regain energy, but if a mermaid touches it her hand will burn to ashes. It kills instantly.
In panic I flip my tail and swing back around, but they have been looking closely for it the moment they hit the water. I see the hooves getting closer to me, and I consider my options, looking for a way out of the circle they are quickly forming around me.
I choose the obvious one and break to the surface, singing a traditional song that all mermaids learn. I sing with all my strength, but my energy is spent and it is not enough. The magical barrier is strong for a second and it holds them back, but then it shatters. My voice gets hoarse, and the centaurs and unicorns blink out of their trance.
They have been prepared for my predictable escape, and I see that the unicorns have used their own magic together to overcome mine. They move forwards in the water and the gap between us gets smaller and smaller. I am out of escape paths.
It can’t end this way, I think desperately. It just can’t.
I swim around frantically in small circles, trying to see a space that I could slip through. But I know that it has to be one shot. If I ever back out, I will get caught, and if it isn’t a big enough route, they will get me for sure.
The space between my pursuers and me finally closes as the leading centaur reaches me and grabs my wrist. I cry out in pain as he hauls me upwards, making me choke and sputter as I breathe through my lungs too early.
“You are charged with stealing from the Queen,” he says sternly. “You shall be taken back and will be forced to apologize if you wish to live.”
I narrow my eyes at him and kick my fins at him, splashing in his face. It would have been one of the worst things to do, but I was already a disgrace. I needed a way out of this. For every second that ticked by, I knew that there were less and less chances of my sliding by.
He doesn’t even loosen his grip. Now I know that I am caught and will not get away unless a miracle happens. Even if I know this, I don’t give up. As the centaur drags me out of the water and places me on his back, I make an attempt to splash back in the water. I do, but a unicorn thrusts its spear in my face and I back away slowly. If a unicorn wishes to kill, a single pierce would do.
I open my mouth and sing one last time. My heart cries out to the world, and I use up all of the energy that I have left. I only get one note out before the lead centaur punches me on the head. Darkness overcomes me.

***
I wake on his back. My head rests on his human back, and my arms twine around his stomach area of the human part of his body. In disgust I pull them away, but they are bound with thick and heavy ropes. I hiss and stare down at my tail. The bottom of it is tied in tight ropes, too. It’s withered and nearly all dried out as it flaps to the beat of the centaur’s walking pace. With great effort, I change back to my human form, feeling much better but still dehydrated. My ankles are tied, but it’s better than before. The state of my tail tells me that I’ve been unconscious for more than three hours.
The centaur turns his head around to look at me with amusement. “About time,” he says. I glare at him, not saying anything.
“I knew that our contraption would work,” the centaur declares proudly. “You know, it wasn’t even real purple grass. It was just an illusion created with the help of our unicorns.” He laughs as I coil up in anger.
I can’t believe it. I could have escaped had I known. In frustration I kick at his belly, and he grunts in surprise as his natural instinct causes him to pick up the pace. I smirk nastily to myself as he slows down with a frown.
“You are a disgrace, Kadia Delphada.”
I press my lips tightly together and don’t say anything.
“And quite interesting in your sleep.”
My ears perk up.
He smiles. “I hear that you are seeking the black crystal. That’s why you stole the Queen’s most valuable necklace. You wanted to try to make a deal.”
Holy Oceanus, how much has he heard? My personal plans are not to be discussed among ones who don’t deserve it.
“I heard everything,” he tells me, as if hearing my thoughts. “You baffle me, Miss Kadia,” the centaur muses. “I cannot believe that you have the courage to think that you can get away with taking the black crystal.”
For the first time, I speak. “I can’t believe that you have the courage to think that you can get away with telling me I don’t have the potential.”
He looks at me again and raises his eyebrows. “Miss Kadia, do you have any idea what the black crystal can do, and why it is hidden away in the possession of the Great Lord?”
I would cross my arms, but I can’t.
He may know my plans, but he doesn’t know that I carry a secret that I wouldn’t ever even dare to sleep-talk about.
I serve the Great Lord.


The author's comments:
This is something that I might work on if I get comments to keep continuing it :)

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This article has 24 comments.


on Jan. 7 2012 at 8:37 pm
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

Thank you! That is a great suggestion and I will definitely take that into deep consideration :D

on Jan. 6 2012 at 2:41 pm
dolphinportkey7 GOLD, D, Other
12 articles 0 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good" AND "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

I like it. :) The fact that you left it as a mystery as to what exactly the black crystal, the Great Lord, and everything else are made it all the more mysterious, and better as a result. I would suggest that you vary the sentence structure a bit, though- many start with "I did/said/would" or "he did/said/would." For instance, instead of "I sing with all my strength, but my energy is spent and it is not enough," try "Despite singing with all of my remaining strength, the energy within me has been totally used up, so it's just not enough." Other than that, it was very, very good. :)

on Jan. 6 2012 at 1:32 pm
Eshshah PLATINUM, Galloway, New Jersey
32 articles 31 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep." -Robert Frost

wow, this is so descriptive, you should definitley write more of this- I love it! the only thing is the dialogue near the end seemed a tad choppy, but your grammar and word use is amazing! 5/5!

on Jan. 6 2012 at 1:26 pm
Zinaidia SILVER, Moreno Valley, California
8 articles 3 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
\\\"Whatever you are, be a good one.\\\"

Great story! It slowly introduced the character and the situation which makes the reader want to learn more. The action is thrilling and it is beautifully written. My only criticism is that a lot of people associate "mermaid" with little kids stuff. So maybe say half fish half human, to steer clear of cliches. Create your own species, you know? Otherwise, great job!

on Jan. 5 2012 at 11:33 pm
applesauceHater SILVER, Nikolaevsk, Alaska
8 articles 0 photos 124 comments
refreshingly original:)love her name by the way!this can easily be turned into a novel, and, be read by all. looking forword when it does. too much of a cliffhanger to be left as is.

on Dec. 24 2011 at 11:40 am
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

Oh haha I didn't think about that. Thanks for mentioning that, I wouldn't have caught it :) And I will get to your article as soon as I can! Thanks so much!

vrihet BRONZE said...
on Dec. 24 2011 at 2:13 am
vrihet BRONZE, Tianjin, Other
1 article 12 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst.

Well written article. I just have to say this one thing: If you are unconscious for more than an hour or so, you'll usually suffer from some major brain damage.

on Dec. 21 2011 at 7:47 pm
sunny.all.day. GOLD, Potomac, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)
"writing is a struggle against silence" carlos fuentos
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

Like everyone else says, this is definently a well written original piece! It kept my attention throughout the whole piece, and most of it flowed pretty smoothly. The ending was great, too, and I love the twist you put at the end! 

on Dec. 21 2011 at 6:28 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments

Great job on this piece! I honestly have to say I have never read something about mermaids and centores, so you certainly win the originality award!

I thought you did a great job introducing the character and her dillema, though one thing I would work on is developing the setting (is it different than our world?) and maybe the character's voice (what are they like? what is their attitude?)

I believe that you definetly have enough of a plot to make a novel out of it, and already the relationship between Kadia and the centore is intriguing! Keep up the great work and good luck!


on Dec. 20 2011 at 10:42 pm
paigeforeman GOLD, Washington, District Of Columbia
18 articles 6 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible!"-Walt Disney
"It's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years."- Abraham Lincoln
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."-Gandhi
"The truth is out there."-The X-Files

Hello,

I liked your story, it's very different and stands out from others on this site. :-) I just have some feedback for you.

...storm soon. I guess you can use this, but I think it would be better to use a different word.

...so that I could plunge into the water...The fluency around this part is not great. Fix it if you can.

...mold...Consider taking this out.

Take the advice or leave it. Again, it was great and you should make it into a novel!

Paige


on Dec. 20 2011 at 5:12 pm
lilmartz PLATINUM, Perrysburg, Ohio
40 articles 5 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live Life Like A Party That Never Ends

This is very well written and so beautiful! Your imagery was amazing, and I want to read more! Nice job :)

on Dec. 20 2011 at 4:18 pm
Savannalore SILVER, North Branch, South Dakota
9 articles 17 photos 121 comments

Favorite Quote:
Art is all about mistakes and knowing which ones to keep.

This is exactly the type of story I would read. Just work on the fluency a litte...in the beginning it was a tad choppy, but towards the end it became wonderful! I wanted to heard more dialogue as well...maybe you could continue? I would definitely read more if you wrote more:) Five stars:)

on Dec. 20 2011 at 2:18 pm
Jappyalldayeveryday, Detroit, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in the blink of an eye

I like this. You should definitely keep writing!

on Dec. 20 2011 at 11:56 am
enternalhope777 BRONZE, Norfolk, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Behold they are one people, and they all have the same language. And this is what they began to do, and now nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them. [Genesis 11:6]

I Defanatly believe this should be a book. It's amazing

Mystiecub said...
on Oct. 5 2011 at 2:26 pm
Yes! Keep going! :D I'm dying to know what happens next

on Oct. 1 2011 at 10:55 am
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

This really would be wonderful as a book! :) It's so descriptive and perfectly written; the style is incredible! Please continue this!

leafy said...
on Sep. 20 2011 at 3:18 pm
leafy, City, Other
0 articles 0 photos 682 comments

Favorite Quote:
Gil: I would like you to read my novel and get your opinion. 
Ernest Hemingway: I hate it. 
Gil: You haven't even read it yet. 
Ernest Hemingway: If it's bad, I'll hate it. If it's good, then I'll be envious and hate it even more. You don't want the opinion of another writer. 

I agree with Carson, this is absolutely wonderful as a book, not very good as a one-shot, because you need more of the story to fully understand it. But it's very well written, very creative. Keep up the nice work!

on Sep. 19 2011 at 6:25 pm
CarsonFaircloth, Nowhere, New Hampshire
0 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Whoa, whoa, whoooooaaaaa! Hold your horses, little missy.

 

Why is this not a book? o.O

 

Seriously. Why?

 

You have a wonderful style of writing. Perfect grammar. Great idea! Very original, and a likeable character---hard to do, with a short story especially! I am impressed.

 

I strongly suggest turning this into a book. Of course, you'd have to go back and give the story more depth---maybe this mermaid's regular life, then what happened to make her want to steal something so special...this could go many ways.

 

Continue to write! :)


on Sep. 18 2011 at 5:39 pm
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

You've got some really fresh ideas in story writing. I loved this story as well as your other ones , and it really has potential to be elongated. Great job!

on Sep. 10 2011 at 8:52 am
lucygirl26 GOLD, Greensboro, North Carolina
11 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball." - Sharon Creech

Thanks! i think that I just might :)


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