July 30, 2011
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It was a dark, chili night in late October. The lighthouse had last been used over 50 years ago by an old sailor; he lived with his wife and two kids in the old lighthouse. They were thought well of threw out the surrounding cities. They were always the highlight of your day, and then disaster struck. The youngest of his children had been kidnapped and the sailor went out looking for him. However he did not return and the wife and her remaining son had been forced to leave the country.

And here I am, sleeping in that poor old man’s bed, probably living out my remaining days of life. I had no choice however; I was driven from my home in Relanodom for supposedly murdering the king in his throne. That was 4 month’s ago, I don’t know how much longer I can run. The bed was old and creaky, and the room smelled of fish. The blankets weren’t much better they had 7 inch holes in them from were mice had chewed on them. They were scratchy, and looked like a hobos pajamas. The lighthouse itself was old and creaky, pieced together by loose boards and rusty nails. It was said to be haunted by the soul of the lost son, but nobody even knows if he is dead or alive. So it could be nothing more than a roomer. On sum nights though the curtains shift and ruffle unlike that of the winds capabilities. Then a soft chuckle comes from the corner of the room, followed by a short scream, but so suddel that when it is over you wonder if you had even heard it.

It was about 3:00 when I heard it, a soft whistling noise it steadily grew louder I realized too late that it was the sound a vulkar, otherwise known as the assassins pistol I jerked myself off the bed just before a small round ball impaled the bed and threw dust everywhere. I sat up desperately grabbing for my own vulkar, my hand finally found the sleek wooden gun but the dust in the room was too thick. It would take a miracle to get me out of this one. Then again that’s just what I do the dust was starting to clear so I ran toward an illuminated patch of dust that meant a window. I dove head first into it, and first thing I felt was the severe cold, next was that I was falling three stories to my doom…

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AspiringWriter said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 11:07 am
Nice work! You need to fix your grammar a bit---just like the others said. :) The plot was great, but I got confused at times. I think you could have developed the plot a little more.
Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 6:58 pm

I enjoyed reading it!

Being honest , I thought  this story was going to bore me , but it didn't. There was some great description in there , and I like the action at the end. You could definantly expand this story more into a full length one. My only big criticism was your spelling and grammar. Just keep working on it , it's the only thing hindering you from becoming a better writer. You're already amazing!



Emily.L said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 2:27 pm
Great story, but I agree with Garnet--more about what's going on! :)
CarrieAnn13 said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 11:41 pm
I like this story!  You just need to work on your grammar.
MorenSore replied...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 10:00 am
I'm sorry about all the grammar problems, I will try to fix them.
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 11:05 pm
I love how you put the reader right in the middle of the story so well! I'd love to know more about what's going on though. This is great!! :)
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