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Exploring Wonderland (foreword)
(Aka a warning)
The Anderson City News Paper
“Thursday, exactly a year ago ten teenagers decided to go out for a tirade instead of being stuck in a class room. You may remember this day, so it was the only thing shown on the news for days.”
“Weird (we-rd). adj. 1. Involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or eerie: “a weird sound.” 2. Fantastic; bizarre: “a weird hat” 3. Concerned with or controlling fate or destiny.
I bet that you more or less agree with that definition. But I don’t at all. I think weird is a complete and utter opinion. Weird is a feeling, an actual thing that someone feels. A feeling that you can use to classify something or someone. A feeling you have when you’re around the said classified person or classified it. You feel different kinds of weird for every different weird you have in your life. It’s that feeling you get when you’re standing next to that kid who, let’s face it, basically freaks you out and sends off that weird stalker-ish vibe. Or the “I pretend that I am from another planet but I don’t even know that everyone actually thinks I am truly out of this world because I am so scary crazy” type person. It could be that feeling you get when you walk into a situation and it seems totally out of place. Like, so out there, so “this really isn’t suppose to be happening” and your mind goes into a weird haze where you wonder if your dreaming every couple minuets/seconds. Dreaming! Talk about a weird feeling! Anytime you actually remember a dream it’s like you just watched the dream as if it were a TV show and sorta remembered what it was about but weren’t really paying attention to the whole plot of the said TV show and the little moments made sense when you were watching them but now when you look at the whole picture you realize that its completely and utterly (WARNING NUMBER 1. THE WORDS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY SAID A LOT) ridiculous and the little moments become more weird then the whole picture. At least that is what dreaming is for me.
My point is weird is a feeling in a nut shell. You feel it. People throw the word around now, and sometimes it’s even cool to be weird. People say that “weird” is “different”. No, weird is different from, well different. Weird was meant to be used as, strange, odd, crazy, ludicrous, not real, and completely bonkers! Take your pick. But it has become different, unique, slightly strange, a fun oddness, and really interesting. But that’s not weird. Weird can be really scary and it’s a feeling that you most almost never like, most definitely one of the strangest ones. And it comes in so many different forms. There is scary weird, freaky weird, drugged weird, hazed weird, dream weird, and many others that I can’t even name they’re so gaga.
Your probably wondering where I am going with all this. And here it is, this book, telling you right now, is weird. Not fun weird, but weird weird. I haven’t written it yet, and I already know that. Because my story is completely weird. But I am not sure what kinda weird. It might, in the end, actually be a good weird. In a weird sorta way. But I am telling you this because, that if you don’t like the real kind of weird, then you can stop reading now (WARNING NUMBER 2. A LOT OF WEIRD). Might as well. Otherwise you will read for maybe, hummm, a chapter or two and then decide that this girl was off her rocker and put this book back wherever you found it. Or just because you are curious you will read until the basic ending and then decide this girl was off her rocker as well as insane and tell all your friends about this really weird book you read and almost finished but then it got to weird even for you. So I am just telling you that you should stop reading if you can’t tolerate weird. I’m sorry, but I didn’t just choose for all this stuff to happen to me. It just happened. And I can’t change that it did, or how it changed me. And I don’t want to. Cause there were some pretty cool/fun/extraordinary (yeah I went there, extraordinary is what I said) moments flashed in with the weird/sad/painful/gut wrenching/insane moments. It sorta balances itself out. Sometimes, sorta. I also apologize in advance for how many times I am going to say (or write, you know what I mean) the word weird. But it was just so…weird.
(WARNING NUMBER 3. FONT CHANGE) After like, I woke up, during my recovery process I discovered a lot of weird-ish interesting things about me that hadn’t been there before. Not going into the details one of the things was the fact I could no longer stand the same thing plain thing. A tendency going on and on. Like, if there was a book with page after page of squares, I would freak. I would need it to turn to circles, or triangles somewhere in the pages. Or if there was a room that was all orange, I would need a couple walls to be different colors. If someone’s outfit is all one color (this I actually did, pinky swear) I run and grab markers/paint and change the color of it somehow. (no idea what my wedding dress is going to look like here) Anyhow, I can’t stand consistency. The same color, the same shape, the same font. So, be prepared that every other chapter, or every chapter, the font of this book is going to change. I don’t know why it bugs me like crazy now, but it does. I hate the same thing over and over again. Seeing the same looking words all over the pages would drive me nuts. Or more nuts then I already am. Anyway, I don’t know why. So, yeah. Okay, I lied. I have a hunch about why I am like that. Because for the long months that this was happening, my life inside my head was so chaotic and crazy and not normal and messy and confusing and WOAH!
So now, when things start to settle normally or when I see something so right, so in line, so completely set in something. I flip. Or my brain does. Like, almost like the normalcy is not the “norm” anymore. Like I need some different, chaotic-ness normal. And maybe doing that just helps in some weird syco way. I know it’s hard to understand, and it doesn’t make sense and I will talk more about it later. But you will be amazed that I haven’t developed even weirder (there’s that word again) habits or obsessions. When your life which was like crazy, painful, upsetting, and just plain hard for months (of course it seemed like even longer then that) it becomes normal to you. My life was turned upside down. Obviously.
OTHER THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN THIS BOOK:
(WARNING NUMBER 4. I GET ALL SYCOLICGALLY EMOTINAL ON YOU) Moral excellence. Another thing that I have discovered to actually be a feeling/s. It’s also a matter of opinion. You will find that in my “story”. (I don’t like to say story, because it’s not a story it’s real)
(WARNING NUMBER 5. THERE WERE A LOT OF HARD THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT) Depressing things. It explains itself. Sorry (again) but there are moments where you might find yourself depressed but I will tell it how it happened and no other way.
(WARNING NUMBER 6. NOT A LOT OF HAPPY HAPPY THINGS REALLY) Things to laugh at. I got to say there aren’t too many of those, but there are some. I know it may not seem like it, but this is actually very serious. Right now it’s not, because it’s just the beginning of the book. But I have asked myself why I have gone through what I did so many times but I haven’t figured out a whole bunch yet so prepare yourself.
(WARNING NUMBER 7. VERY VERY VERY VERY CONFUSING WEIRD THINGS) Things that will confuse you. I can honestly say there will be a lot of those. I mean a lot! Cause guess what, you might already be slightly confused. It depends. I don’t know how well you are following me right now. But I know there are things that are going to confuse you, because they confused me. And they still do. Everyone knows confusing is a feeling as well as just a word so there is no need for me to lecture you there. But you don’t know the meaning of the word confused until you have gone through what I did. Imagine living through every confusing moment in your life, again. Watching them, but also living them. And still thinking the same thoughts as before, but being aware of what’s happening and thinking brand new ones about what’s happening and why you thought what you thought and did what you did. All the while having all the same confused feelings, but also new ones because you have almost no idea what’s happening. I bet your confused now, right? Well you should be and let me say I am still pretty confused and still reeling from what happened.
A lot of things in this book, other than those. But I am only going to mention those, because those are the main points? Main thoughts, main feelings. Main whatever you want to call it. Moral excellence, depressing things, things to laugh at, very confusing things, and a lot of weird things. Those are the main things going down in this book. It will be one crazy book, that is completely and utterly for sure.
So if you are still with me, what so ever, even a tiny iny bit and you can handle weird-ness (maybe your weird) then I would in fact encourage you to turn the page. I don’t know what you will get out of this book, but I have learned that everything we do, anything we learn, anything we look at, anything we feel affects who we are every day.
And I hope to completely and utterly change you.
At least a little.