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No Connection

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I look down at him watching him pull at his hair and wipe the tears away from his eyes as he paces the room. I want so badly to go to him, but every time I try to talk to him he can’t hear me and every time I try to touch him my hand just goes through his body.

I don’t understand what’s going on, and I can’t figure out why I’m floating like a stupid butterfly above everyone’s head. But the worst thing is watching him, he seems so torn up and I don’t know how to fix any of this.

He finally sits down in one of the waiting room chairs and for the first time I see that he has a cut running down the side of his face. He clutches the cross necklace that I gave him for his birthday last year, he has never been without it since then and now it looks like he is holding onto it for dear life.

He gets down on his knees and pleads, “Please just let her live, I can’t live without her. I don’t know what else to do, but please just don’t let her die.”

I’m not sure who he’s talking about, but I start to get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. As I watch the tears streaming down his face everything comes rushing back to me. My boyfriend and I had been coming back from the movies, then in a blur of lights I remember being practically crushed by the door of his car. We had been going through a green light, but someone ran the red light to the side of us. The impact had been on the passenger side, where I had been sitting and there had been unimaginable pain on my right side before I passed out. Now I am here in a hospital and no one can see or hear me. Plus I can’t seem to stay anywhere near the floor, it’s almost as if something is pulling me, forcing me to stay airborne.

I choke on a sob as I realize that he is talking about me, pleading for my life. Almost as if there is a chance that I can die, then I realize that I might already be dead, it is the only explanation for what is happening right now.

A thought pops into my head, will I be given the option to stay here and watch him live his life like some freakish stalker, like all the books say. Because I might be totally freaking out about the whole being dead thing, but I sure don’t want to stay and watch him live his life while I have to float around like some insane bird on drugs.

As I’m contemplating the pros and cons of staying or leaving, if I’m given the choice, pain shoots through my entire body and everything goes black. After a few moments I open my eyes and look around me. I’m laying on a table and there are numerous doctors and nurses surrounding me.

When a nurse sees that I’m awake she calls “Doctor you need to get over here, she’s awake.” The nurse gives me a kind but sympathetic smile.

A doctor makes his way over, and as he studies me, he says “We thought that we would lose you for a while there, you were actually dead for a time, but you will be fine in a couple of months. Nurse you need to go tell the young man in the lobby that his girlfriend is awake and that he can come in and see her.”

After a few moments the door bursts open and my boyfriend races over to me. He grabs my hand and explains, “A drunk driver ran a red light and hit us. You took most of the blow, but I’m just so happy to see that you are okay.”

I smile at him and try not to grimace at the pain, but this pain is nothing compared to the pain that I went through when I thought I would have to leave him.

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