Outside MAG

April 21, 2011
By blackswan42 SILVER, Cortlandt Manor, New York
blackswan42 SILVER, Cortlandt Manor, New York
5 articles 0 photos 6 comments

To the young girl who stared out of her bedroom window, the setting of the sun was a very violent business. Surely, as the glowing orb disappeared behind brick apartments and steel skyscrapers, the unfortunate buildings would be burnt to a crisp. The vengeful sun would press against sturdy frames and leak into open windows, moving west until every inch of civilization was aflame. Then it would reach its sharp rays like blazing swords into the heavens and pierce the sky until all turned black.

But this process was hardly shocking to the young girl. Like all children in the year of 6007, she attended public school and received a proper education. She had been warned from the age of five to beware of the dangerous forces that controlled the outside world. In fact, the setting sun was hardly the most worrisome; it paled in comparison to the droplets of poison that fell when the sky turned gray, or to the tall blades of grass that entwined themselves around the feet of small animals. By far, the biggest menace was Fresh Air, an intangible monster that swept the land, invisible but deadly. Air, teachers told the children, dove into the throats of its victims, surged through their blood, and attacked their hearts.

For this reason, the young girl and her classmates traveled to school in the city's network of underground tunnels. The horrifying elements could not penetrate the sanctuary of steel tubes, that wonderful fortress that allowed parents to send their children to school without fear. The school itself, like every house, was constructed of dense metal packed into thick walls. Bullet-proof windows adorned the sides of the building, ensuring that the threat of nature would not be forgotten, and reminding the students to remain in constant vigilance.

It was out of one of these window that the young girl stared on a Tuesday during the month of April. She noticed that the menacing sun had brightened in the past few weeks, threatening the land with its constant flame. The venomous grass appeared greener, a sure sign that it, too, had grown stronger and more deadly. Worst of all, a new threat had arisen in the shape of budding flowers. The young girl knew that every spring, the dangerous plants sprayed an odorous gas into the atmosphere, which mixed with Fresh Air to create a fast-acting poison.

“Now, children, we will begin with the Daily Promise,” announced the teacher. “Please repeat after me.”

Rows of students stood, reciting the oath in a single united voice.

The land and the hills and the trees and the sky
Seek to poison us, kill us; they want us to die.
And so we must promise to be safe and hide,
These dangers can't harm us if we stay inside.


The young girl repeated the lines obediently, still looking out the window. But as she did so, the strangest thing happened. In a moment, hardly more than a flash, the sun sparkled in such a dazzling manner that a shiver ran through her body. The flowers winked. It was an odd moment, such an odd, odd moment, for in that moment the outside looked beautiful. The girl closed her eyes and opened them again. She thought of her teacher's instructions and nature appeared terrifying and deadly once more.

The day's lesson was history. The teacher described primitive tribes that attempted to form successful civilizations but fell victim to terrible natural disasters. Those that remained standing, greedy for land and resources, fought among themselves. Eventually, humanity was extinguished – except for one tribe, which hid in a network of caves. These caves became the steel tunnels that passed underneath the city.

The young girl tried to listen, but before she could copy down notes, the odd moment happened again. This time, the blue sky sparkled and the big white clouds that suffocated birds seemed to bounce merrily in the sky. The young girl became so disoriented that she lost track of the lesson. The day progressed, but the flash occurred every few hours, and then every few minutes, the beauty intensifying as the intervals became shorter. As the girl's initial confusion disappeared, she began to feel a strange longing – a desire to touch the flowers and the grass, to smell the deadly Fresh Air.

This longing was accompanied by pangs of fear and doubt. The teacher's knowing eye seemed to stare straight through the young girl, as if aware of her thoughts. After all, to leave the safety of the classroom was to enter a forbidden world, a world known to harbor dangers immense and terrifying. The girl's desire seemed ridiculous, illogical, yet she could not forget it. From some unknown place, she felt a burst of determination that caused her to remain after her classmates had left.

The teacher stayed too. She looked at the girl through square, wiry glasses. “Young pupil,” she inquired, “is there anything you wish to tell me?”

“N-no,” stammered the girl. “Nothing.”

The teacher paused but eventually gathered her bags to leave. Before she closed the door she shot one last searching look at the girl. “The sun is bright today,” the teacher said.

Alone in the classroom, the young girl walked toward the door that led outside in case of emergency. In all of her twelve years, no emergency had ever occurred, but the girl had heard that the key was kept hidden in the nearby filing cabinet. She found it easily and inserted it into the lock, heart pounding.

For what could have been twenty seconds or twenty years, the girl stood behind the door with trembling hands. She knew not whether she faced a barrier that saved her from terrible danger or prevented her from experiencing breathtaking beauty. Perhaps it was both. And so she ignored her racing thoughts and turned the key.

The young girl stepped outside. At once, she was hit by a wave of something overwhelming, overpowering. She looked into vast skies that stretched endlessly into the distance, much farther than she had ever imagined. The sun's rays burned her skin indeed, but with delicious warmth rather than terrible fire. And the flowers released a strong scent into the air, but it was a dizzying, intoxicating perfume. And Fresh Air, the feared Fresh Air, leapt into her lungs, and filled her not with poison, but with invigorating life. She was outside, and it was wonderful.



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This article has 24 comments.


Ojewel SILVER said...
on Jun. 4 2014 at 11:14 pm
Ojewel SILVER, Portland, Oregon
6 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Tomorrow's gonna be better

Loved it! You should expand on this idea and keep it going! What happens after she goes outside? Does she stay there? Go back in? Meet someone outside? What!!!? Keep it going, it really pulled me in.

on Oct. 12 2012 at 12:45 pm
LinkinPark12 PLATINUM, Lincolnshire, Other
45 articles 1 photo 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
Work like you don’t need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching. ¦ I like change - but only when everything stays the same.

Great description and unique ideas! Also good idea to write a novel about an underground city. 

TayTay96 GOLD said...
on Oct. 4 2012 at 5:49 pm
TayTay96 GOLD, Lancaster, New York
13 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes wrong is worth the funny"
-Billy Gardell

I really like this, what inspired you to write it?

on Aug. 31 2012 at 8:41 am
penguinpoet86 BRONZE, Syracuse, New York
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People walk by, just as minor to me as I am to them...Going toward destination, toward destination, toward destination."

This story was amazing, especially the imagery, but I wish it was longer. Or maybe you could write a sequel? I wanted to know more about what she found and if she could get other people to come outside with her. It was an awessome story overall. Keep writing!

Deliah GOLD said...
on Jul. 7 2012 at 8:48 pm
Deliah GOLD, Narnia, Other
10 articles 0 photos 17 comments
The imagery is great and this sounds like it was written by a professional writer,not a teen. You have serious talent:)

elizamc83 GOLD said...
on Jun. 11 2012 at 6:44 pm
elizamc83 GOLD, Concord, Massachusetts
17 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"From now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell 'Die, Ron, die,' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong." -Ron Weasley

This story is amazing! Your word choice and style are very elegant, and I've never read anything like this! Very unique and original, great job! :)

on Jun. 3 2012 at 11:04 pm
RoseAndThorn BRONZE, Mena, Arkansas
1 article 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Find out what's really out there. I never said to be like me, I say be like you and make a difference. - Marilyn Manson

Very well written piece, and a very interesting topic. I find it to be reflective on humanity's nature to destroy the world we think is beutiful. Your grammer and writing skills are very well. Keep writing!

on May. 30 2012 at 2:28 pm
AmandaaPandaa GOLD, Glen Cove, New York
15 articles 9 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"what lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us"!!

All I Can Really Say Is beautiful... Just Beautiful!!

on May. 29 2012 at 7:30 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

This was such an interesting story!! I would totally pick this up if it were a book! I would love a sequel that told us what she found :)

on May. 29 2012 at 3:30 pm
BloglessBlogger GOLD, Somerset, California
10 articles 1 photo 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't let the fear of striking out keep keep you from playing the game."

WOW!!! Where did this come from? It's amazing, there is no way to describe it. I wish that nothing like this ever happens, keep writing. I'll keep an eye out for more stories of yours.

on May. 28 2012 at 9:30 pm
Yousmell-likealoser BRONZE, Belgium, Wisconsin
4 articles 5 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life may not always be what you want, but life is all you've got; so stick a flower in your bellybutton and be happy!"

Wow, I wasn't expecting this. This is really great and like everyone else is saying, I'd like to read more. I don't know if you stopped there because you couldn't think of anything else or if you were trying to leave us all hanging, but either way I love the way it just stops and the images are left in our minds to soak in and explore in our own ways. You might want to think about adding on but then again this would make just a really nice short writing, too. A cliff-hanger.

on May. 28 2012 at 9:20 pm
Aeliss-Novak-the-Zombie-Space-Pirate BRONZE, That Place With All The Trees And Stuff, Oregon
1 article 3 photos 150 comments

Favorite Quote:
Impossible is not a word, just a reason not to try.~Kutless

I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile.~Anonymous

This would make a really good book, you should write more. :)

on May. 28 2012 at 3:46 pm
AbbyMarie SILVER, Harlingen, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail". Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is so different from all the other dystopians out there, you should definatly continue it!

on May. 27 2012 at 7:34 pm
yaythisisavailable GOLD, Simpsonville, South Carolina
13 articles 0 photos 31 comments
You're writing style is captivating. I can't help but wonder what happens after this! You are an amazing author!

on May. 27 2012 at 4:09 pm
GodSpell98 GOLD, Lincoln, Nebraska
18 articles 1 photo 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"THE HUNKY-DORY THING ZAPPED ME!!" or "“We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams”. or anything from Lord of the Rings or Star Trek.

Wow! Really really good! There's so much you could do to keep this story alive, keep it expanding until it's a whole novel--like will someone catch her being outside? What kind of punishment is in store for her? Has anyone else been outside? Will they be friends or enemies? And will she alert everyone to the real world and how wonderful it is? I'm almost tempted to steal this idea. ;) Keep writing, please!!

on May. 26 2012 at 10:05 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

I love this so much!!! Even though this is in the future, I can still relate a little. Very good and intriguing writing, keep it up!

on May. 25 2012 at 11:35 pm
Your writing is very different from the other "in-the-future" writers! and that's really good! keep on writing. Your voice is completely unique!

LinsT BRONZE said...
on May. 4 2012 at 3:34 pm
LinsT BRONZE, San Ysidro, New Mexico
1 article 0 photos 2 comments
That was a really cool story! Really interesting. (:

Boota BRONZE said...
on Apr. 27 2012 at 4:00 pm
Boota BRONZE, N/A, South Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bowties are cool!

That was SOOOOOOOO good, you should turn that into a book somehow.   : )

on Apr. 26 2012 at 10:44 am
TARDISinTokyo BRONZE, Brookfield, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 31 comments

This is great! I love the idea of people being terrified of nature instead of working with it. I do feel like this is a likely place for our species to end up... sigh...

Fantastic story, though.



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