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My Guardian Angel
”They fell from the heaven’s when God learnt of their deceit, they were His messengers, His angels and yet they sinned. If God couldn’t trust His own then whom could He trust? The angel’s were thrown from paradise and forced to roam the Earth beneath until they could redeem themselves and return to God’s side or they really messed up and they would be cast down into thee flames of Hell, to burn for all eternity. The most famous perhaps of all the angels cast down from God’s side was Lucifer, the Devil, and since that day he has bound those of weak belief to him and made sure their souls were cast down into Hell to keep him company.“ he peaked up from under the mop of inky black hair that fell over his forehead, his eyes were the same indigo hue as the midnight sky. I watched as his mouth turned upward into a bitter smile. ”But many hang here, suspended in forever, pacing around the same room for millennia. Stuck in Purgatory.“
I swallowed, my mouth dry and useless. The icy, sharp intensity of his words burnt into me; his jaw set and fists clenched. ”Why are you telling me this?“
Swinging his legs down off the table, his scuffed boots hitting the floor with a thud, he leant toward me. ”Because you said you wanted to know more about me, sweetheart. You said you didn’t know the real me,“ he spat angrily, ”well now you do.“
Smiling, I leant in too, so I could feel his breath upon my face. ”I get it, very funny; now really, I wanna know who I’m dealing with here.“ I stroked his cheek with my index finger, the familiar jolt of electricity flooding through my body; he grimaced.
”You don’t believe me do you?“ he moaned, shrugging off my touch and burying his face in his hands. ”I can’t do this if you don’t believe me-there’s too much at stake.“
”What the heck are you on about, Will?“
He sighed, rising to his feet slowly. ”I’m risking eternal damnation because I can’t get you out of my head, but what’s the point if you don’t believe that my soul will be obliterated the minute I’m found out?“ Pulling his faded t-shirt over his head, he stood shirtless in the moonlight that came streaming from through the window. The silvery light gave his pale, soft skin an otherworldly glow to it. Hooking his fingers through the belt loops of my jeans, he pulled me toward him. He gripped my wrists tightly, guiding my hands around his waist so that I held him in a tight embrace.
He gently rested his chin on the crown of my head. ”Be careful.“ he whispered.
I sighed as he pushed my fingertips slowly up his back, letting my touch skim his spine. ”What are you-“ then my fingertips brushed over something different, a thin, raised strip of skin by his shoulder blades.
Suddenly, my mind was bombarded with colour and sound. Fireworks began to explode as memory after memory hit me; emotions slammed into me like a tsunami- an immediate wave of ecstasy counteracted with another of turmoil. Time flew past in my head – from one era to another in the blink of an eye. He’d seen so much, met so many people and lived so many lives but in every memory there was a familiar pattern; loneliness. In every scene he was sat alone, the mystery figure in the corner, just as he was today, waiting for the person that could change it all. I could feel Will’s hands around me as I went limp in his arms, overcome with the images that flashed before me.
I looked up into his eyes. ”Oh my God, you’re telling the truth. You’re an – an angel.“
He went to nod but paused, thinking. ”Sort of… I used to and still can be but I’m not now.“ Turning slowly, he stared up at the stars, his back facing me.
I swallowed as I brushed my fingers along the scars that were hardly visible in the poor moonlight. ”Oh Will, why did you-?“
He spun round angrily. ”You think I did this to myself intentionally? I was forced from Heaven for pining over someone I hadn’t even met yet.“ he pointed his finger at me, jabbing me in the chest. ”You. My friends had seen me, millions of years in the future, with a human and they handed me in to save themselves. I’ve wandered this Earth alone for millennia searching for you. I’m going to Hell for telling you this, let alone doing anything about the aching in my chest, but I can’t resist you. Staying away isn’t an option, I know you feel the same way; if you didn’t we wouldn’t be here right now. I’d still be an angel.“ he stroked my cheek. ”I love you. I have forever and I shall for eternity.“
”I think I love you too.“ I watched his face light up as I let the words leave my lips, ”In fact, I’m pretty sure I do.“ I smiled as he gently kissed my forehead. ”Heaven, eh? Such a long way to fall…“
”There’s still further for me to fall though, angel.“ Chuckling, he tried to fight me off as I thumped his chest playfully. Hesitantly, he cupped my face in his hands, his dark eyes sparkling hopefully as he leant in toward me. I swung my arms around his neck, pulling my body even closer to his. I could feel his heart skip a beat as his lips met mine; this was the kiss he had waited so long for; too long. It felt like no other sensation I had felt before. Impossible to describe – I felt so, I don’t even know how I felt! The only way I can try to describe it is that something clicked in that moment. Clouded minds became clear as we kissed – he finally no longer doubted his path. He was going to Hell for sure now, he’d acted upon temptation, but was I worth it?
He smiled, pressing his forehead against mine. ”Millennia I have waited for that and I wouldn’t wait another minute for another.“ I laughed as he kissed my cheek. ”I love you.“
”I love you too,“ I whispered as he nuzzled my neck affectionately, ”but what’s going to happen now…?“ I held my breath as he froze, deep in thought. I could feel his body shaking as the realization of the consequences of our actions set in. Holding him close, I stood listening to the soft sounds of his sobs. My stomach sunk. Was it over before it really began? Would one kiss spell the end…?
He straightened up and turned away again, wriggling into his t-shirt and breaking out of my embrace in one smooth movement. ”You don’t know what I wouldn’t do to be human, to not have this hanging over me. I just want to live and not feel as though I’m walking on egg-shells all the time.“
Frowning, I wrapped my arms around him so my hands linked on his stomach, resting my head between his shoulder blades. ”We’re stuck between a rock and a hardplace.“
”No.“ he sighed, spinning round and holding me close. ”Heaven and Hell…“
I don’t know how long we stood there like that, he and I entwined, staring out at the world around us. We’d both found something we weren’t letting go of. Not yet. I looked up at his face, pale and forlorn, and swallowed back the tears. We were racing against an hourglass and the final sands were slipping straight through our fingers. It just wasn’t fair.
Grinning sadly, I wiped the tears from his beautiful, midnight eyes, wondering what I’d do when I wouldn’t see them anymore. ”I’ll never forget you. Ever. I wouldn’t, trust me.“
I smiled as he leant in toward me, his lips parted, his trademark sheepish grin on his face. I’d only just found this. I’d lose it all too soon. I could feel the speeding beat of his heart in his chest, the calming sound synchronizing with my own. I teased the bottom of his t-shirt, sliding my hand underneath and wrapping my arms around him. Quickly, he fingered the buttons of my shirt and I bit my lip nervously. ”Okay.“ I whispered, finally. ”Okay.“
As our lips crushed together, he swept me up in his arms. Falling onto his bed, we stumbled into a cascade of sheets.
* * * * *
Sunlight streamed through the open window as I yawned sleepily, my eyelids still heavy. Rolling over onto my side, I froze. ”Will?“ I whispered, heartbroken.
The bed was empty.
Tears streaming down my face, I buried my head in the pillow next to me. The light fragrance of him still lingered there, bringing memories of last night speeding back. He wasn’t coming back. He was never coming back. My stomach sank sadly; there was an ache in my chest and a hole in my life where Will should be. He’d warned me this would happen. He warned me and yet I’d expected a miracle. I’d expected an exception. Wrapping the duvet around me, I rose from the bed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. I turned back and stared at the bed we had shared for the one night we had together. There was a slight imprint of where his body had laid, perhaps the only thing in the sparsely decorated room that proved his existence.
Bending down to pick up my discarded clothes, an envelope caught my eyes, my name scrawled on the front in Will’s spider-like handwriting. I froze, turning it over and over in my hands, unsure whether to open it or not. If I did it would finalize it, it would just confirm that he wasn’t coming back but then on the other hand if I didn’t then there would always be that niggling feeling inside of me that I should, eating away at me until I did.
Swallowing nervously, I slid my finger under the flap and tore the paper, relishing the sound. I pulled a piece of paper from the envelope and unfolded it carefully, afraid of what it said. I fell to my knees as I read, tears filling my eyes again. I was empty and it was really annoying me how emotional I was getting, I was meant to be stronger than this, I’d promised I’d be okay. Had I lied?
”He came,“ the letter said, the scratty, urgent handwriting covering the page, ”while you were sleeping. I’m sorry. I didn’t get to say goodbye and I’m probably gonna hate myself for that. I love you, I’ll miss you, and I’ll never forget you. Will.“
I smiled, hugging the sheet to my chest. I love you too, I thought. As I went to throw the empty envelope away something shone, glinting in the morning light. Reaching in I sighed as the cool, metal sensation touched my skin. ”Oh God…“ I whispered, my heart skipping a beat. I raised the chain and slid it round my neck, fingering the pendant that lay upon my chest; a tiny silver angel, shielded by his wings, his tiny halo at his feet. Another piece of paper hung by its side. ’This is your guardian angel, I will always look out for you.‘ And I truly believed that he would. An angel never lies.