BREAKING NEWS!!!! *What aliens REALLY think about football*

October 11, 2010
By AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)


BREAKING NEWS!!!! Intergalactic scanners have picked up on Athengon signals, and have obtained the contents of the latest update from a Athengon scientist studying on Earth.

The text is as follows, and has been translated into English by the best translation technology available to the Counsel of Earth.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

Seectur Almchec (Greetings Wise Counsel),

During my recent scientific expedition to the planet Earth, I have come to an interesting conclusion regarding America and the sport of football. Football – a sport in which armor clad male humans compete and attack each other for control of a quinex (a Athengon fruit) shaped ball – appears to be significant in the American human’s social network.

First and foremost, football is a status symbol. The males participating and the females who cheer at the games enjoy an elevated position in the social hierarchy the exists in the human centers of learning. Football also appears to be a courtship ritual that has been developed over time by natural selection, as football players tend to achieve many potential females, with cheerleaders experiencing the same in reverse. Even when certain humans are unable to actively participate in the game, humans consider attendance without adult chaperones to be a coming of age ceremony, and this attendance is a staple in the lives of adolecents.

Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, it is my belief that football is a conditioning program. Players possess stamina, strength, speed, and coordination, while cheerleaders are agile, flexible, and in sync. It is possible that the development of these skills through football is intended to create an elite division of the population, perhaps for the purpose of galaxy domination. This possibility is vague, but should not be overlooked.

These conclusions have been reached after years of intense study, but more time allowed for this project will answer many of our remaining questions, and would be extremely beneficial for all Athengonians. The Athengon Bureau for Human Studies (ABHS) would greatly appreciate a government extension of this operation.

Posset tua aurious pucus es longet (May your ears remain long and green)

O?chµ Smeil¬ook, ABHS


The Counsel of Earth is doing all they can to analyze this document, and take appropriate diplomatic steps. We ask you to remain calm, and stay tuned. Thank you.


The author's comments:
I was at my little brother's baseball game, and people were practicing for football in another field. This sorta appeared in my head.... lol Feedback for feedback!

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This article has 15 comments.


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 21 2012 at 3:14 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

hahahaha I like that - ............ xD Anyway, TI had too much fun with the couple spaces I put in there xD

on Dec. 31 2011 at 10:21 am
LockLemon BRONZE, Saratoga Springs, Utah
4 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

Ha ha. Totally agree. >:D I think I might be an alien from a different planet. One thing, though: There's a fairly big gap between "the text is as follows" and the actual "story", so I thought it was like, "This is what aliens think about football:" ................ Lol.

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 31 2011 at 5:36 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

haha isn't it weird what you think of when bored?

PJD17 SILVER said...
on Mar. 31 2011 at 5:34 pm
PJD17 SILVER, Belleville, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 624 comments

Favorite Quote:
I do the best imatation of myself- Ben Folds

goood story  keep it up

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 27 2010 at 11:42 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

haha thanks :)

JacobC GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2010 at 4:45 pm
JacobC GOLD, Belgium, Wisconsin
10 articles 4 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Am I indecisive? Well, yes and no." -Anonymous

This is really interesting and well-written.  Good job.

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 17 2010 at 6:31 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

XD Love your philosophy too!  lol  And I really have no idea, I was just bored. :P

on Nov. 17 2010 at 6:22 am
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

How interesting!  My phisosophy of football was that it was an excuse for muscular men you didn't like ballet to wear tights in public.  Nice to see another perspective though.

Anyway, so this was pertty different, but I did see one flaw in the storyline.  I'm probably just being a screwge but I'll say it anyway.  If aliens are looking at earth and it's football, wouldn't they look at the NFL and not high schools?


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 11 2010 at 8:42 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

hahaha I know! It would be so epic to somebody who hadn't seen it.  They would be like ummmm.......

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 10 2010 at 1:07 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

hahahaha thanks a million!  And I'm with you - football would be a LOT more interesting if these were true - as it is I don't see the point. :P

on Nov. 10 2010 at 1:02 pm
Phoenix97 PLATINUM, Minneapolis, Minnesota
29 articles 4 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
See lyrics to "Let the Waters Rise" by MIKESCHAIR and "Everything" by Lifehouse

I absolutely love it! Having always thought football rather ridiculous, I love the way you poked fun at it. My favorite part, though, is definitely "Posset tua aucrious pucus es longet (May your ears remain long and green). It adds the perfect finishing touch.

on Nov. 10 2010 at 12:31 pm
TheGraeWolf GOLD, Pikeville, North Carolina
10 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forget it and move forward, this is a New Era"

Really funny! Makes you think 'cause this is so normal to us, but what about someone who has never seen it? We must look real odd...XD

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 9 2010 at 7:29 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

haha Thanks! Can you say bored? Let's just say, little brother's baseball games go A LOT slower when we are losing...

on Nov. 9 2010 at 7:02 pm
Healing_Angel SILVER, Sydney, Other
8 articles 2 photos 513 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live for today, not for tomorrow

VERY CLEVER! I like it! I have no complaints! 

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Oct. 14 2010 at 2:07 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

Yikes - I have NO idea what happened to this format. Oh well, hope you liked it anyway! :D




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