The Perfect Man?

August 9, 2010
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My husband died along with our marriage. Of course. I guess that is the case in most marriages with love being ruined in the second you say the dreaded “I do”, but I think most couples problems, which consist of who’s turn it is to microwave the turkey pot pie and who’s turn it is to rock the pooping machine back to sleep. No, my husband is a werewolf.
There are some things in a relationship that truly just don’t come up until after you are married which I suppose is the best, but it is still really awkward. Like that fact that your husband snores or your wife cleans when she is anxious. That’s normal stuff, but I think it would have been great for him to mention that he was a werewolf. I mean, sure I never really asked him, but do you think that is a normal thing for a person to ask while they are dating? Maybe for Edward Collins, but I tend to stick with the standard what’s, how’s, where’,. why’s, and who’s, (What’s your sign, how old are you, where do you live, why did you go on this blind date, who was your last girlfriend.) Due to my technique, most guys feel rather awkward around me in case you have not already guessed that.
Maybe I could have picked up on some of the obvious signs, but only if you read a lot which I haven’t since my Madeline obsession. I checked out a lot of books on werewolves after I found out, so I wish I had picked up on him shaving all the time, an unusually long middle finger and the hairy knuckles. I don’t understand why it had to be an official thing for me to look for. I mean, that’s not the first thing that comes to your mind when you’re dating someone. Should you automatically have to assume that your boyfriend is a werewolf if he is hairy? I don’t think so.
I was not able to figure out my husbands little “problem” until I had already reproduced with him. We had a little boy on the way when my husband finally decided to inform me that the reason he went to a hotel for a few days every month was because he was having some transforming problems. I’m not sure why I didn’t immediately divorce him right then. Maybe it was the incredible lack of money or the fact that I had a child coming in a few months. Or maybe I still loved him. So now not only does my husband leave once a month but our son Blake leaves as well. We had twin girls about a year later and luckily they were not werewolves. It’s a disgrace to live in a house with two werewolves. My friends all nag me about him.

“He’s not one of us.” They nag me. “You can’t be with him.” Then they mock me about my wolf man. They don’t have to make me feel bad. I already do. It’s a disgrace for everyone. Our paths are not supposed to pass. For God’s sake, he’s a monster! It’s horrible.

I mean, how are a werewolf and a vampire supposed to be together?





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mudpuppy said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 6:28 pm
I love it.
 
musicgirl757 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 6:44 pm
Thank you!
 
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