Monster II

April 30, 2010
By Meago GOLD, Spring City, Tennessee
Meago GOLD, Spring City, Tennessee
17 articles 2 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
How come when you need something the most- that's the time when you have to fight the hardest to receive it?


Little does she know of the monster I am...
As I stare blankly at her sleeping body, I become nervous and anxious. I've never felt like this before. I feed, but not this young. My master told me how to keep feelings out of business and this is business...
Ah, she awakens. Wondering where your mommy is? I am no mommy that you would want. I am like a cold shiver, resembling death. I am here for a short while and leave quickly. Leaving you with a horrid memory. As she turns I sense life in her. I must Destroy...
Slashing with my nails; hitting with my fists; watching blood fall. This is amazing. My doubts before are washed away. Screams echoing, fights are being made. Die child, I must feed. Ripping her flesh, screams are loud... I must kill soon to put her out. Placing my hands around her throat, squeezing, hoping to end this soon. The struggle has stopped, and once again I can rip and feast.
No evidence will show except blood stains. What I don't drink shall stain forever. This child, a beautiful child, has died and was my meal. Tomorrow, the same shall happen. Another child shall scream in agony, another family shall mourn death, another child shall die, and yet this is only another meal for me. A necessity, a need to maintain life....

As I'm sitting here, in this box-shaped room, staring at my prey 3 feet away from me, I am anxious...


The author's comments:
Well, Monster was such a big hit, I decided to write another one. This one has a tad more details in it, but I thought it gave more to the story...

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This article has 14 comments.


on Mar. 29 2013 at 9:48 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

This is great, but sorry, the original was a masterpiece, and I don't think you can surpass it. Which is a good thing, because it means not only do you rock, but your rockingness can stand the test of time.  And the fact that 201 comments is a LOT.

on Oct. 16 2011 at 10:26 pm
Anonymous_7 SILVER, Branson, Missouri
6 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The only time you can get away with murder is when writing a book!

This gave me the shivers which I hope was what you where trying to achieve. It was awesome and creepy(a great combination!). Keep up the Really Good work!

Lacer GOLD said...
on Sep. 28 2011 at 8:03 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

Friendly, but never a friend.

Loving, but never a lover.

 


jazzy13 said...
on Jun. 10 2011 at 5:51 pm
it was evenn better then the 1st!! you NEED to write more and books!

on Feb. 28 2011 at 12:03 pm
queentabbiecat99 GOLD, Dardanelle, Arkansas
15 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
Things aren't always what they seem.

that was so good :D i think you should continue writing... i would love to read a book by you

on Jul. 16 2010 at 8:27 am
wolfpack270 SILVER, Oak Ridge, Tennessee
7 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Beware your thoughts for they become words. Beware your words for they become actions. Beware your actions for they become habits. Beware your habits for they seal your fate."

I sent in a few last night

Meago GOLD said...
on Jul. 16 2010 at 7:53 am
Meago GOLD, Spring City, Tennessee
17 articles 2 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
How come when you need something the most- that's the time when you have to fight the hardest to receive it?

AHHHH!!!!!!!!! You're on here now?!?!?! =D You have no idea how happy I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need to send in your work! I wanna comment on it. =D L.L.t.L.C.!


on Jul. 16 2010 at 12:18 am
wolfpack270 SILVER, Oak Ridge, Tennessee
7 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Beware your thoughts for they become words. Beware your words for they become actions. Beware your actions for they become habits. Beware your habits for they seal your fate."

I agree that "mommy" throws the flow off a little bit as well as "amazing", however you quickly regain that and finish the piece very strongly

on Jul. 16 2010 at 12:17 am
wolfpack270 SILVER, Oak Ridge, Tennessee
7 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Beware your thoughts for they become words. Beware your words for they become actions. Beware your actions for they become habits. Beware your habits for they seal your fate."

I forgot to include L. L. T. L. C. on there....you will understand what that means ^_^

on Jul. 16 2010 at 12:15 am
wolfpack270 SILVER, Oak Ridge, Tennessee
7 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Beware your thoughts for they become words. Beware your words for they become actions. Beware your actions for they become habits. Beware your habits for they seal your fate."

I like it. The comment on Monster was right, this does resemble Interview with a Vampire, but I don't think too closely. This is dark and captivating, thrilling and chilling, and most importantly an excellent read.

on Jun. 23 2010 at 7:30 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

This was great, very dark and deep.

on May. 28 2010 at 6:32 pm
DantesDilemma SILVER, Fort Myers, Florida
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Human beings are free, except when humanity needs them.

Much better than the original. The word mommy slightly throws the tone, but overall a very sinister introspective. The stream of consciousness approach works well here, allowing a look at the inner conflict of the beast.  However, the lines about blood would be vastly improved by some more poetic language, with an emphasis on mental imagery.

p.s. you overuse the word "rip," among others.


Meago GOLD said...
on May. 23 2010 at 1:50 pm
Meago GOLD, Spring City, Tennessee
17 articles 2 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
How come when you need something the most- that's the time when you have to fight the hardest to receive it?

Thank you very much!! =-)

Violets said...
on May. 22 2010 at 6:01 pm
Violets, Emmett, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 21 comments
chilling, but for some reason i could not stop reading. very chilling. u would be good at horror stories


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