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Monster II

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Little does she know of the monster I am...
As I stare blankly at her sleeping body, I become nervous and anxious. I've never felt like this before. I feed, but not this young. My master told me how to keep feelings out of business and this is business...
Ah, she awakens. Wondering where your mommy is? I am no mommy that you would want. I am like a cold shiver, resembling death. I am here for a short while and leave quickly. Leaving you with a horrid memory. As she turns I sense life in her. I must Destroy...
Slashing with my nails; hitting with my fists; watching blood fall. This is amazing. My doubts before are washed away. Screams echoing, fights are being made. Die child, I must feed. Ripping her flesh, screams are loud... I must kill soon to put her out. Placing my hands around her throat, squeezing, hoping to end this soon. The struggle has stopped, and once again I can rip and feast.
No evidence will show except blood stains. What I don't drink shall stain forever. This child, a beautiful child, has died and was my meal. Tomorrow, the same shall happen. Another child shall scream in agony, another family shall mourn death, another child shall die, and yet this is only another meal for me. A necessity, a need to maintain life....

As I'm sitting here, in this box-shaped room, staring at my prey 3 feet away from me, I am anxious...



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readaholicThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:48 pm
This is great, but sorry, the original was a masterpiece, and I don't think you can surpass it. Which is a good thing, because it means not only do you rock, but your rockingness can stand the test of time.  And the fact that 201 comments is a LOT.
 
Anonymous_7 said...
Oct. 16, 2011 at 10:26 pm
This gave me the shivers which I hope was what you where trying to achieve. It was awesome and creepy(a great combination!). Keep up the Really Good work!
 
Lacer said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Friendly, but never a friend.

Loving, but never a lover.

 

 
jazzy13 said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 5:51 pm
it was evenn better then the 1st!! you NEED to write more and books!
 
queentabbiecat99 said...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 12:03 pm
that was so good :D i think you should continue writing... i would love to read a book by you
 
wolfpack270 said...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 12:15 am
I like it. The comment on Monster was right, this does resemble Interview with a Vampire, but I don't think too closely. This is dark and captivating, thrilling and chilling, and most importantly an excellent read.
 
wolfpack270 replied...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 12:17 am
I forgot to include L. L. T. L. C. on there....you will understand what that means ^_^
 
smartypantsscorpio22 replied...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 7:53 am

AHHHH!!!!!!!!! You're on here now?!?!?! =D You have no idea how happy I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need to send in your work! I wanna comment on it. =D L.L.t.L.C.!

 
wolfpack270 replied...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 8:27 am
I sent in a few last night
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 7:30 am
This was great, very dark and deep.
 
DantesDilemma This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 28, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Much better than the original. The word mommy slightly throws the tone, but overall a very sinister introspective. The stream of consciousness approach works well here, allowing a look at the inner conflict of the beast.  However, the lines about blood would be vastly improved by some more poetic language, with an emphasis on mental imagery.

p.s. you overuse the word "rip," among others.

 
wolfpack270 replied...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 12:18 am
I agree that "mommy" throws the flow off a little bit as well as "amazing", however you quickly regain that and finish the piece very strongly
 
Violets said...
May 22, 2010 at 6:01 pm
chilling, but for some reason i could not stop reading. very chilling. u would be good at horror stories
 
smartypantsscorpio22 replied...
May 23, 2010 at 1:50 pm
Thank you very much!! =-)
 
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