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Hidden secrets

Finally away from fresh blood, but it’s to late my fangs have come out. Then I see two guys on the curb beaten up blood ran down their face their clothes were torn. I tried to stay away but I couldn’t help it. I tried to stop but it was to late …As I walked down my street I here someone behind me, but I can’t tell who it is. When I go to look,, they ran.



When I get to my house I tried to open my door but it’s locked. So I reached into my pocket to get my key , it’s not there. I think I dropped it when I had my horrible blood craving. I walked to where they are at. Lights were flashing people were talking, then a cop spotted me…”Hey you’re not allowed here!” , “ sorry I dropped my key”, and when I bend down to get it the cop was thinking since my key was here that I did it.” You can’t take that it’ part of evidence.” “ You really don’t want to tick me off right now”





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Katee said...
Apr. 17, 2010 at 8:36 am
You HAVE A GOOD OBJECTIVE...(SORRY FOR SOME REASON MY IPODS DOING ALL CAPS...) ANYWAY I LIKE YOUR OBJECTIVE AND I CAN SEE WHAT YIUR TRYING TO GET AT IN THE STORY. I DO THINK THAT YOU SHOULD WORK ON THE PUNCTUATION RIGHT AT THE END THERE, THAT WAS THE ONLYBPART THAT WAS CONFUSING . I LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE STARTED HERE, KEEP ON THIS! MAYBE YOU MIGHT WANT TO ADD yOUR OWN TWIST, AS YOU CONTINUE,SO IT SOUNDS ORIGINAL,AND NOT SO MUCH LIKE TWILIGHT. I MEAN, RIGHT NOW YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING MAJOR,WHICH ... (more »)
 
liisangel said...
Apr. 13, 2010 at 8:18 pm

It's good.

Just a tip would be pay attention to the spaces in punctuation, and where you are and aren't putting punctuation. I liked it and it could be extended but like you said "It's not finished yet" So for now it's an awesome story ! :D

 
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