Hidden secrets

April 3, 2010
By timmsprincess13 BRONZE, Charleston, West Virginia
timmsprincess13 BRONZE, Charleston, West Virginia
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Finally away from fresh blood, but it’s to late my fangs have come out. Then I see two guys on the curb beaten up blood ran down their face their clothes were torn. I tried to stay away but I couldn’t help it. I tried to stop but it was to late …As I walked down my street I here someone behind me, but I can’t tell who it is. When I go to look,, they ran.



When I get to my house I tried to open my door but it’s locked. So I reached into my pocket to get my key , it’s not there. I think I dropped it when I had my horrible blood craving. I walked to where they are at. Lights were flashing people were talking, then a cop spotted me…”Hey you’re not allowed here!” , “ sorry I dropped my key”, and when I bend down to get it the cop was thinking since my key was here that I did it.” You can’t take that it’ part of evidence.” “ You really don’t want to tick me off right now”


The author's comments:
It's not finished yet but hope you like this part

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This article has 2 comments.


Katee said...
on Apr. 17 2010 at 8:36 am
You HAVE A GOOD OBJECTIVE...(SORRY FOR SOME REASON MY IPODS DOING ALL CAPS...) ANYWAY I LIKE YOUR OBJECTIVE AND I CAN SEE WHAT YIUR TRYING TO GET AT IN THE STORY. I DO THINK THAT YOU SHOULD WORK ON THE PUNCTUATION RIGHT AT THE END THERE, THAT WAS THE ONLYBPART THAT WAS CONFUSING . I LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE STARTED HERE, KEEP ON THIS! MAYBE YOU MIGHT WANT TO ADD yOUR OWN TWIST, AS YOU CONTINUE,SO IT SOUNDS ORIGINAL,AND NOT SO MUCH LIKE TWILIGHT. I MEAN, RIGHT NOW YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING MAJOR,WHICH IS FINE. BUT SINCE THEY'RE BOTH VAMPIRE? STORIES, YOU COULD MAKE YOURS ORIGINAL. THE NEXT BEST SELLING  VAMPIRE NOVEL. GOOD JOB KEEP THE IDEA!!! :)

on Apr. 13 2010 at 8:18 pm
angel2745 BRONZE, Sacramento, California
3 articles 1 photo 32 comments

It's good.

Just a tip would be pay attention to the spaces in punctuation, and where you are and aren't putting punctuation. I liked it and it could be extended but like you said "It's not finished yet" So for now it's an awesome story ! :D



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