The Others

March 14, 2010
By MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments

There is, according to scientists, one rule about dreams. Nobody ever dreams that they die. Never. However, according to another source, most people dream at least once in their life that they are dying. It will most likely be the last dream they ever have, but it is possible. And that is exactly what happened to me. Except, it wasn’t my last dream. Far from it. It was the first real dream I ever had.

After that dream, everything changed. Including all the things that are never supposed to change. Such as gravity’s ability to keep me on the ground. Some things didn’t change so much as they opened up for me. One of the doors that were unlocked by that fateful dream was mind reading. Not like in the stories, where the said mind reader can somehow hear what the other person is thinking in words. I can feel the other’s thoughts.

It can be described as an extremely elevated sense of empathy, although I personally tend to avoid portraying it as such. Not that I have ever told anyone about it. So actually, it would be more correct to say I avoid having to illustrate it to people. Period. But I like to think that if I were to tell someone about it, I would focus more on the colors that I see, not the feelings. I learn more about the person if I look at the colors they associate with different circumstances than if I were to only think about the feelings. For instance, almost everyone has felt frustration. But only a few “feel” purple during those times.

I am the only one of my kind who can mind-read. Tessa, who is able to slip in to a human’s dreams and interpret what the dream’s meaning is, has one of the talents closest to mine. However, her talent works only with humans, and I can feel anyone. Well, anyone except myself. I’ve tried countless times, but I can’t see my colors. All I get is a dull gray. I don’t know if it means something is wrong with the way I think, or if fully realizing yourself is unachievable. It is possible, after all, to know yourself too well. The people who do can’t stand themselves anymore. They become madmen.


The author's comments:
This is the prologue to a book I'm in the middle of writing...I'll start posting chapters soon, if anyone reads this :P

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This article has 34 comments.


on Oct. 10 2010 at 1:10 am
AEAluvsanimals SILVER, Yorba Linda, California
6 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All creatures bleed the same blood. He who spills the blood of any of god's creatures, he spills the blood of man." - Private Journals , Landerath
Dragon's Milk.
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."- Dumbledore
Harry Potter 1

I like it a lot. That stuff about dreams is just...wow. unique. And most people don't realize how true fantasy is. There is a powerful being in everyone, something that makes them different. Some people discover it. Others never do.

Sorry, I get a little loopy around 11:00

Can you read the three parts of The Lovesong prophecy for me?

I'll read your stuff if I see your comments.

Danke


KatWolf said...
on Aug. 26 2010 at 7:45 pm
KatWolf, Santa Clara, California
0 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Perfection is a journey, not a destination."

Hm, the concept seems interesting, but the style seems like you're writing an essay. Are you going for that? I'm not sure. What I think though is that you should show the story more than tell it, it makes it more interesting and catches the reader's eye. And I want to know more about this dream. What was so special about this dream? Why did the character get her powers after it and why does she assume it's because of the dream that she gets these powers? I'm not sure if you answer these in later chapters, but they're just questions to consider.

on Aug. 9 2010 at 7:04 pm
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Thank you!

on Aug. 9 2010 at 5:59 pm
Monica@Roman SILVER, New Haven, Connecticut
8 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"This too shall pass"

i like this a lot

on Jul. 13 2010 at 11:40 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Could you give some examples, maybe? I'm not sure I know what you are talking about. 

on Jul. 13 2010 at 11:06 am
Ismellteenspiritandcandy BRONZE, Battle Creek, Michigan
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hater Deleted!!" Shananay/Shane Dawson

I like how if you don't read closely you won't notice little pieaces of gold in your writing

deka9 said...
on Jul. 10 2010 at 12:50 pm

Hahaha, like I said, I'm no good with grammars, but it wouldn't hurt to re-check. :)

So would you mind explain the a, b, c, d, thing for me? Hahaha, did I make any sense though?


on Jul. 9 2010 at 11:57 pm
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
I'll be sure to re-check the grammar...although before I posted this on to TeenInk I showed it to friends (who are sticklers for grammar) and I fixed all the mistakes they found...I'll ask them to re-check it. 

deka9 said...
on Jul. 9 2010 at 3:58 pm

So it took me a couple times to fully understand the intro, but once I did, I really liked it. Perhaps, different wording would help the readers to understand it clearly quickly :)

I'm no good with grammars but here are what I think in that department. Be sure to correct your typo :) Also be careful with your tenses. You switched between the past and the present. For this writing, I'm not sure if it's mistakes or if it's on purpose (I have the same problems!) though. I'm kinda picky on this next sentence because my eyebrows kinda knitted when I read it, hahaha. "Her talent works only with humans, but I can feel anyone." I also think there are a few missing commas, but don't take my words on it because like I said, I'm no good with grammars :)

So I thought I understood what you mean but then I don't: 

"a, I don't know if it means something is wrong with the way I think, or if fully realizing yourself is unachievable. b, It is possible, after all, to know yourself too well. c, The people who do can't stand themselves anymore. d, They become madmen."

So sentence c and d go together; a and b don't, and b and c seem to work. So is there something missing in b or something not suppose to be in a or I'm just thinking too much and not getting your point? Hahaha.

I'm very concerned about the colors and feelings. Would you be able to put different colors into different moods without duplicates? Other than that, I like it :)


on Jul. 6 2010 at 10:42 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments

In what prologues I've read, especially short ones, the main character doesn't really come through (because it's more of an overview of the story/short history). I do think my main character gets more depth in the next chapters, however I would love it if you could read them and maybe point out some more of my errors?

 

About the plot--that actually isn't my plot. She isn't a "powerful being walking among humans." Once she...let's call it "transforms", she lives in a different world than the humans. 

 

I also don't agree with what you said about the plot having to be really eccentric or interesting in order to be noticed. Many of the worlds bestsellers (especially in fantasy/sci fi) all rely on the same basic underlying plot, however the details and writing differ. I think that the writing is really the clincher in deciding whether or not a book is worth reading. It is for me, at least. 

 

About the unique writing style: do you mind perhaps giving some examples? And did you mean it as a compliment or a con? 


on Jul. 5 2010 at 11:27 pm
Megaphone1927 SILVER, The Tardis, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you don't peer into the shadows, you won't see the ghosts."-Flora Segunda

Huh, you have a very unique writing style and there were no grammatical errors that I could see, but the problem is that there are so many powerful being-walking-among-humans-but-haven't-quite-discovered-their own selves type stories. It would be really hard to get the story really noticed unless the plot was really eccentric or interesting.

Also, you've got to be careful about giving your main character an individual voice. Right now, your main person has no detectable traces of personality or anything. Maybe in your later chapters they have something, but for right now, the best advice I can give you is to give your character some kind of personality flaw, or some little thing that is unnattractive or unappealing to other characters. That might make them easier to relate to and more fun to read about.Good luck.


on Jul. 2 2010 at 11:13 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments

Well, I'm glad it intrigued you, because that's the point of the prologue ;)

The rest of the chapters are being posted...one and two are already up, if you'd like to read them.


KK2013 GOLD said...
on Jul. 2 2010 at 9:47 am
KK2013 GOLD, Solon, Ohio
10 articles 2 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.-J. K. Rowling

Hmm very interesting. So you are saying that she had a dream that caused her to be able to do this? I think you should go into a little more detail in the entire thing.... But good job, it intrigued me and I want to know more!!

on Jun. 29 2010 at 8:08 pm
You can do it!!! I have faith in you :D

on Jun. 29 2010 at 12:36 pm
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Hmm, yeah, I see what you mean about the colors. Hopefully I managed to take the cheesy part and mold it into something more my own in the rest of the book...

on Jun. 29 2010 at 11:53 am

Simon cowell feedback--you asked for it!

This is a pretty good intro! The first 2 paragraphs were great. The whole thing is... well written I think but I'm not entirely sure. I think anything that's "not well written" is actually well written because of the tone you have and the whole thing just seems trippy (in a good way) to me.

that said, the whole thing about colors was kinda cool but kinda cheesy at the same time. Cool because it goes along with the whole trippy dream thing you have going on, cheesy because it's colors... which has been done before but you could make it more your own and it would be great.

I also like how you ended it. I'll be the first one to nod and smile in agreement knowing perfectly well that people who can't stand themselves will, undoubtadly lose thier minds. :)

remind me to read another one of your chapters. It looks pretty interesting.


on Jun. 29 2010 at 10:08 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Thank you so much!

on Jun. 29 2010 at 10:08 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
What I meant is that scientists believe that it is impossible to dream that you are dying, however according another source (who is not a scientists) it is possible (although it will probably be the last dream you ever have). 

on Jun. 29 2010 at 10:04 am
roxymutt BRONZE, Marietta, Georgia
4 articles 5 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. -David Henry Thoreau

this is great! it seems liek you can do it all....poetry fiction and photography! triple threat right there!!! i really enjoyed this :D her "kind" seems similar to humans but the special abilities are cool...i LOVED the opening...the "rules" about dreaming! veryyyy well done

on Jun. 29 2010 at 9:47 am
Midnight_Hum SILVER, Hearne, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Very good.

For some reason the opening paragraph seemed a little off to me. It was a little confusing.

Are you saying that people don't dream they die, ever; but that they can dream that they are dying?

What's the difference between dreaming you're dying and dreaming that you die?

Anyway, the rest was really good and I might just be overthinking the first part. The rest of the story sets you up with a lot of questions, that hopefully will be answered later on.

Good job.

I especially liked the part where you said, "After that dream, everything changed. Including all the things that are never supposed to change. Such as gravity’s ability to keep me on the ground."

Very descriptive and original.



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