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Monster


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As I'm sitting here, in this box-shaped room, staring at my prey three feet away from me, I am anxious. This child, an innocent child, will die. She is nothing to me, nothing at all. When she wakes, only then will she notice my presence. She is sleeping calmly, probably dreaming sweet childish fantasies of blue skies and purple unicorns flying to see a magical princess. Little does she know that in a few short hours her rosey red complexion will fade away to meet a dull white color. Little does she know that the curls that surround her face will fade and cover a life-less dull face. Little does she know of her radiant blue eyes fading with the sunset. Unlike the sun, her eyes will never surface again.

~Little does she know of the monster I am~



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This article has 192 comments. Post your own!

JawsOnTheFloor said...
Apr. 8 at 11:32 am:
I love this so much <3 
I can see why your teacher was worried ;)
 
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JawsOnTheFloor said...
Apr. 8 at 11:32 am:
I love this so much <3 
I can see why your teacher was worried ;)
 
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EpiclyawesomeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 14 at 8:23 pm:
It's impressive that you were able to bring all that emotion and thought with so little words. It's great! If anyone wants to, could you please read my story? It's called The Story of the Demons. If you do, that would be great :)
 
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BT1718This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 7 at 12:39 pm:
that was good truly
 
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LilacThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 6 at 8:00 pm:
Really good!
 
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herky said...
Dec. 7, 2011 at 1:47 pm:
LOL that is awesome!!!!!!!!!!! and a little creepy
 
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MirisaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm:
I like this. I like a little crazy in my bowl of Capn' Crunch!
 
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Labyrinth said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 2:28 pm:
This is really good! I like the darkness but crazy people are the most fasacinating of us all! Why crazy people are the more fun!
 
PinkNinjaHater replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 7:04 am :
GREAT job I love your symbols and it was awesome...fantastic
 
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Ekf07This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 9:17 pm:

what kind of monster.....lol

intresting.  this is an intresting pov.

i can see why the teacher was worried. LOL

 
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horsewriter4evrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 11:04 am:
This is really cool I like how the character talks about her pray and how she's monster.
 
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SparkoraThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm:
This is the third time I've read this piece, and it still seems to me like the "monster" is trying to convince herself if her own cruelty. She says the girl doesn't mean anything to her, but I think she's someone different than how she portrays herself to be.
 
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welcometoplanetearthThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 6:38 am:
Very dark and riveting... proves that even short pieces can be exciting! 
 
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GemValley250This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 3:28 am:
To be honest i never knew such a short piece could be so good, so powerful! Brilliant!:)
 
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LifesIllusionThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm:
Loved it! i especially like your writing stlye. Check out my work? thanks!
 
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sarahmichelle98 said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 3:41 pm:
very nicee:) sounds like the same kind of thing i would write similar to my style
 
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MremkThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm:
This touched me. It is an awesome writing piece. 
 
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EliahumandogloverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 10, 2011 at 5:26 pm:
 I like how you write the piece from the villain's point of view. I could almost feel the mosnter about to the suck the baby's blood or something.
 
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michaelchavezThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 4, 2011 at 9:54 pm:
I like this. Teachers worried? Maybe because your a better writer
 
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Matt B. said...
Oct. 29, 2011 at 1:18 pm:
This was sublime. You leave a lot to the imagination and do it correctly at that. There are so many meaning behind this that once can draw out, so many differnt turns and twists to imagine in ones mind. Very interesting.
 
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Christina C. This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 28, 2011 at 11:17 pm:
Wow... This is really meaningful with such a short article.
 
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SmileyBabeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 22, 2011 at 7:03 am:
Oh my god I loved it!
 
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iamonecoolradiatorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 3:51 pm:
I like how you leave it kind of ambiguous.  I really thought it was a great piece of writing but maybe you could extend it a bit? then maybe it would have even more of an effect! You don't have to, but if you ever have a spare moment could you take a look at my work? thanks x
 
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lonelyLaviathinThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 10:55 am:
......if i were your teacher i'd be sending you to the counselor...but bravo....
 
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ERochelle23 said...
Oct. 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm:
I really like this! Your word choice and imagery is fantastic, and you never actually specify how you are a monster which makes me want to read more. Although it sounds good at first, you use "Little did she know..." several times, I think if you changed the wording around a bit it might sound even better!
 
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Anonymous_7This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 11:57 pm:
I just read this over again and I still love it! Keep up the great work!
 
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TradeMistakes13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 5:17 pm:
i love this. is the monster like a vampire or just a regular murderer? its really sweet - i know thats strange, but... 
 
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Phil E. said...
Oct. 10, 2011 at 9:35 pm:
good work putting a lot of MEANING in a small article
 
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AntWrangler13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 9, 2011 at 7:36 am:
Wow, short but really good! Could you comment on my work? Thanks :P
 
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kelseyp96 said...
Oct. 8, 2011 at 2:18 pm:
fantastic i wish there where more to it
 
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peacerocks said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 10:22 am:
This is just amazing! It is suspenceful and leaves me wanting more!!!!! Reply if you agree with me!
 
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JuhcubThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 6, 2011 at 9:35 am:
It's just amazing! Great piece!
 
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Anonymous_7This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:03 pm:

This is really good! Its short and sweet, I like it! Would you mind commenting/rating my work? Thanks!

 

 
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HateKnuckleThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 30, 2011 at 6:29 pm:
This is amazing. I wish I could throw a lot of swear words in to show my awe at how unbelievably good this is. I am copy pasting this, 5 starring it, and facebooking it.
 
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LacerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 8:01 pm:
I LOVE crazy people :3 especially the homicidal ones. Why, my dear, those are the best kind.
 
burgermanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 30, 2011 at 8:46 am :
What Lacer said!
 
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ninjacheesecakecinnamonroll said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 8:56 am:
great!!! its pretty cool i kept thinking whats going on but i finally got it!!
 
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crazycatlady said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 10:12 am:
I absolutly love scary stories. this was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. THis waas crazycatlady bye!!!!!
 
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tekno1990 said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 12:36 pm:
That was great, You weren't afraid of what people would have thought about something so dark and scary. I thought this was very creative and the detail of the child was perfect. Great story
 
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DarkPandaAngelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 3:02 pm:

I really like this story. You described everything very well. 

DarkPandaAngel

 
WarriorsfanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 2:11 pm :
Wow!I lov your work!These kinds of stories have always been my favorite kind!Keep it up!
 
DarkPandaAngelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 23, 2011 at 3:33 pm :

Thank you. I will. :)

DarkPandaAngel

 
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MonaLisaSmileThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 10:13 pm:
This seriously gave me chills. No joke. Please add to this! K thanks. :)
 
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Meago said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 8:31 pm:
Thank you all for your comments! They mean so much!! I've actually tried to add more, and it just won't go... lol!
 
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4everyoung15This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 1:28 pm:

And why was your teacher worried?! shes wack this is amazing! u should have a prequel!

 

 
Fangstorm_The_Vampire replied...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:45 pm :
er teacher was wooried that she would become a mass murderer. But I like it too!
 
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StarGazer453 said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 8:55 pm:

I loved the mysteriousness of this piece.  The monster is hinted at subtly, but not fully explained.  I'm leaning towards vampire, though.  

Brilliant work!  5/5!

 
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C.K.SnowThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm:

I quite like this article and it caught my attention almost immediately.

I recently wrote an article called, "Artemis James and the Foxwirth Curse". I would appreciate it if you checked it out.

 
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fizzaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 5:23 am:
what do you think, vampires exists?
 
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Laura_OliverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 26, 2011 at 6:40 pm:
Talk about being short and sweet. I, personally, would have written a longer story about a long, tragic battle and the gory ending - or not so gory. It's pretty good for only a paragraph, honestly.
 
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