Just friends

I stared at my phone, wishing to hear from him. Any word, even if it were just a vile insult, I wouldn?t care as long as he spoke to me again. I opened my phone, ready to dial that one number, but shut it moments later. He wouldn?t want to talk to me. He has a girlfriend. I?m nothing to him but a friend. I?m just a friend.

No matter how many times I told myself this, I couldn?t get the thought of him out of my mind. The way he smiled whenever I said something stupid, the sound of his laugh when someone said something funny... It didn?t matter to me that he had a girlfriend; I knew he?d do to her what he did to everyone else. Use them and then toss them aside. But he said I was different. He said that things could have been different between us. But they weren?t. We were just friends.

I opened and closed my phone seventy three times throughout one day, making sure he hadn?t sent me a text message that I?d missed, or called me and I accidently closed my phone on it. He hadn?t. There were no text messages and there were no phone calls. I sighed and threw the phone on my mattress, and walked out the door.

I told myself that I shouldn?t care. I shouldn?t care that he didn?t call or text. I shouldn?t care that he doesn?t want to talk to me right now because I?m just a friend. We?re just friends.

?Cameron, are you okay?? my mother asked me when I plopped down on the couch. I held a large bottle of water in one hand, and a cookie in the other. She knew something was wrong.

?Nothing, I?m just tired. I haven?t been sleeping very well lately.? I said. It wasn?t a lie; I really hadn?t been sleeping... I smiled when I thought about the nights I stayed up late talking to him. Saying strange things and telling him that I was sorry for being weird. He always told me to stop apologizing for something that wasn?t worth it.

?Okay baby, I?m here if you need me.? A worried look was plastered on her tired face. I smiled and nodded. She went back to watching the television. I sighed, finished my cookie, and took the water back to my room.

I waited.... and waited.... and waited.... There was no sign of him even remembering I existed, until my phone went off in my anxious hand. I smiled and opened it quickly.

Hey beautiful. It said. I smiled and quickly hit reply.

Hey you, what?re you up to? My heart nearly exploded with joy when I closed my phone. He replied faster than I thought he would.

Nothing really, just sitting at a friend?s house with my girlfriend watching a movie. My heart fell when he said ?girlfriend? I couldn?t believe how much power he had over my emotions without even trying. He was like he had me tied up and I couldn?t get free unless he was there with me. I was in love.

That?s cool. Do you want me to leave you alone? I asked. That?s what I always asked. Once he called me and asked me about it, when we didn?t really know each other very well, but I couldn?t hear him because I was in the basement of my grandmother?s house. I couldn?t hear his voice.

No that?s okay; I was the one who started talking to you. I didn?t know what else to say to him, no words came to mind. So I just said:

Lol, okay. He didn?t reply for the longest time. I didn?t want to bother him, so I didn?t try and figure out what he was doing, or why he wasn?t replying. I stuck my phone under my thigh and watched the movie I?d put in a few minutes before he started texting me.

So what are you up to? I waited for a while before replying, engrossed in the movie I was watching, but soon I couldn?t stand it anymore, and I had to reply.

Just watching a movie. It?s good. I didn?t really know what else to say to him. There wasn?t anything to talk about that was of interest. Everything I had to say was about how hard I?d fallen for him, or how much his girlfriend scares me. But I didn?t want to talk about either of those things. So I left it be... We?re just friends.
***

We had a trip planned for our class. And only a few of us were going. Maybe five or six. Even him. He was going too. But he didn?t sit next to me like I thought he would, so I sat alone on the opposite side of the bus as my brother. Several seats in front of him.

Don?t look at me in that tone of voice. I told him. Before I knew it, he was sitting next to me. A smile on his perfect face. A smile I knew I could never forget. And it was all for me. ?You should come sit with me.? He said, motioning his head to the back of the bus where few people sat.

?Okay,? a foolish smile was placed on my chubby face. He chuckled and walked to the back of the bus, knowing I would follow. He took my iPod, chose a song, and stuck on of the ear buds in my ear, and went on listening. My face flushed a deep red as he did this, but he didn?t notice. I was hot all over. It felt like the temperature on the bus had suddenly risen, and I was now baking in a long Twinkie shaped oven.

?Your face is red.? He smiled again.

?Yeah... it?s kinda hot in here.? He shrugged and chose another song.

We stopped several times before we reached our destination, I decided to move back to the front since it was cooler up there, and he came with me. I looked over and was trapped by his eyes. We stared at each other for the longest time, until he smiled.

?What are you thinking?? he asked. I blushed and shook my head. He stuck out his bottom lip, asking silently. Again I shook my head. He pulled the hood of his jacket over his head and hid from me.

?Hey, I?m not done looking at you yet!? I said. He laughed and peaked out of his hood.

?Tell me what you?re thinking.? He said. I sighed, knowing that I wouldn?t get out of this. I took out my phone and opened it to the keyboard.

I was thinking that I like your eyes. That was a lie, not what I was thinking at all.

You look like you want a kiss. He said back. I blushed. But remembered. We?re just friends.

You have a girlfriend. But yes, I do. That?s exactly what I wanted, how did he know that? Had I given him signs? Did I mention it without realizing it?

So? Was all he said. I shut my phone and looked out the window, but it didn?t help that he was the one sitting next to it.

All day he flirted with me. Stopping in front of me, making me run into him, standing close to me, closer than he should, and making me laugh, though he probably didn?t mean to. We held hands under the table when we went to eat, and he shot me cute looks. I wished this could last forever... But we?re just friends...
***

The ride home was cold. Until he was there with me. He sat by the window again, a new jacket covering his thin frame. Everyone was tired, and shrunk down in their seats to try and get some sleep for the long ride home. I didn?t try to sleep. I didn?t shrink down. I sat up straight, crossing my legs, looking over at him. He was smiling, with my hand in his. I kept telling myself over and over again... We?re just friends... Just friends... Just friends... But all thoughts stopped when his calloused and slipped to the back of my neck, and his soft lips pressed to mine.

He sucked my bottom lip into his warm mouth. He has a girlfriend! My mind screamed at me to stop, but I couldn?t. I rested my hand on his forearm and kissed him back slowly. I had never been kissed like this before. He knew exactly what to do, and suddenly it hit me. I was his next victim. He would treat me like I was the only girl on the planet, and then he?d dump me on the curb... But I didn?t care. I pushed the thought out of my mind and continued kissing his soft lips.

He pulled away a while later, his eyes never leaving mine. ?Are you okay?? he asked me. I could not find my voice. I just nodded. One of our friends snuck under the seat, and pinched my ankles. I knew someone was doing it, but I didn?t know how it was until he popped up, and scared me half to death.

?You scared me!? I told him. He apologized and started talking to him... I watched them talk, yawned a few times, and rested my head on the seat. They stopped talking after a while, and he pulled me close, at first I resisted, for the words I?d been thinking for the last few months rang inside my head once again. We?re just friends. I told myself, I gave up, and rested my body on his...

It was soon over. The exact opposite of what I was wishing happened. He left with a few friends without so much as a goodbye, and I was left there with my older brother, waiting for our father to come pick us up. I thought about the night over and over again, smiling when I realized my lips were chapped. And why. My dad asked me how the day went; I just smiled and went to my room as quickly as possible.

He was in my dreams that night, everything happened over and over again until my mother woke me up the next morning. ?Cameron, it?s time for school.? She yelled as she hit my door with the palm of her hand.

?Yeah okay.? For a moment I forgot everything, but then a smile danced on my face, and I was in a great mood. I got dressed for school quickly, drank a quick cup of coffee, grabbed my stuff, and ran out the door.

The school was practically empty when my older brother and I got there; I smiled all the way through the school. I smiled when people walked through the door, even ones I didn?t know. They gave me weird looks and walked down the hall to their lockers. The first bell rang, and there was no sign of him. I sighed and went to sit next to my brother in silence, but then I heard his unmistakable laugh. I turned eagerly to greet him, but he didn?t look at me. His girlfriend did though, she smirked at me, as if to say, he?s mine... I sighed and sat down once more. I knew this would happen.

Hey. I got a text later in the day from him. My smile grew.

Hey what?s up? I hid the phone in my pocket so my teachers wouldn?t take it away.

Nothing... Hey, I need to talk to you after school okay? Meet me by the doors. I didn?t reply to that message, knowing that that was the end of our conversation.

I didn?t want to go to the doors after school, but I knew I?d feel bad if I just left him there. I traveled down the halls alone, feeling the eyes of several people on me. They knew. I saw him standing there with a deep frown upon his face, when he saw me, he didn?t smile. He tried to keep his eyes on his feet.

?What?s wrong?? I asked him. He shook his head and started pacing. I tried to search for a topic. And found one. ?So... Last night was fun wasn?t it?? I said nervously. My voice shook when I spoke.

?I guess.? That?s all he said.

?You guess? Well I thought it was... I mean... I had fun...?

?Shut up!? he yelled. My heart started racing. I tried to figure out what he was talking about, what I had done wrong. ?Last night didn?t happen! It meant nothing. I used you, okay? Now just shut up about it!? I was glad there was no one around to see him blow up like this... No one to see my heart breaking. ?Look... I?m sorry...? he walked closer, holding his arms out, offering me a hug. When he got close enough to wrap his arms around me I shoved him away.

?Leave me alone!? I screamed. I turned away from him and ran down the hall to the closest bathroom. I ran inside, and locked the door behind me. I let the tears flow freely down my cheeks.

My back hit the tile on the wall, and I slid down, hitting the floor with a soft thump.

I?d known this would happen. I knew he?d break my heart in two. As I cried against the wall of the bathroom, my heart slowly and painfully tearing apart, the words I?d been saying to myself for a few months now rang out... loud and clear.

We. Were. Just. Friends. Just friends.





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ImNotCrazy said...
Nov. 15, 2010 at 11:05 am
Awesome u should add more
 
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