Secrets

January 23, 2009
By
There are secrets every person has; big secrets, little ones, life changing ones or life saving one. Ones that should be told and ones that should be kept a secret no matter what. Some come from tragedies, others from moments where you have never been happier, moments you never want to forget. But the problem is... knowing when to bottle things up and when to let them out.

A girl looks at a guy in her class. He isn't what you'd call hot, but he is decent looking. He is a loner type, with only a few good friends. He wears his hair in the emo style and always has his iPod in his ear. But despite all of his faults, she sees something different. She sees individuality, something that she has never strived for herself. She is merely a follower.

The boy looks over at her from his desk and she changes her look of interest to a look of disgust. He glares at her back. She is aware of her friends watching her and, even though she feels bad for looking at him like that, she doesn't want to appear weird. Even if she really likes him. Who is she kidding? She was feeling something much stronger than simply affection and it’s clear that he doesn’t return it.

She wants so bad to talk to him, maybe lighten his always depressing mood, but she's scared and her insecurities get the better of her. So she stays where she is.

***
She goes to school the next day, after the weekend, and she's made up her mind. She's going to talk to him, no matter what her friends say. She doesn't care anymore. So she walks into homeroom, and looks around for him, but... he isn't there. His desk is empty and all his friends are crying. The tough, masculine boys in her class are crying! Her heart seizes up. Something has happened! Something very bad.

The teacher walks up to the from of class and faces them. He looks so sad. She doesn't know what to think.

"For those of you who don't know, one of your classmates has passed away this weekend," he says softly, looking around the class room.

She can't move. Her lungs forget how to work! She has to remind herself that she needs air, forcing the suddenly heavy oxygen into her lungs. She feels like she’s trying to breathe under water. He's gone? How can he be dead? He isn't! This was all some sick joke, and any second he would come through the door with another poor excuse for being late. He would look at her again and she would talk to him and apologize for how she has been acting toward him. They will work things out. But...

But something tells her that this isn't a joke, that he really is dead. A sob chokes her, impairing her breathing. She can't breathe! And suddenly, she's crying, balling her eyes out. She feels a pair of arms go around her and looks up to see one of his friends holding her, comforting her because she as crying for his friend. She felt so guilty.

Another one of the friends come over to her as well and sits down beside her. They are such nice boys. Why do people judge them? She looks up at the one beside her.

"How did it happen?" she asked, sniffing. She doesn't really want to know, but she knows that she won't be able to go on without knowing.

"He... He committed suicide," the boy answers sadly.

Time passes slowly after that. No one questions her about her feelings for the boy, doesn't ask her if she wants to talk about it. Heartache isn't something you can talk about. So she bottles up, so deep inside herself that she couldn't get out of her secrets. She wallows in the untold truth, the truth that might have had an impact on this… situation and knowing that is was too little, way too late.

At the funeral, she sits by the Boy's friends, comforting them as they had her and letting them console her in turn. The priest, as he says a few nice words holds up a piece of paper—an envelope.

"This was found in his pocket the day he passed, and it has a name on it. No one has opened it." He turns it over and reads out the name. It's her name! Slowly, she get up. She feels numb. Why was her name on this envelope? Why would he be writing to her? The priest hands her the envelope and she opens it with shaking hands and pulls out a folded piece of paper. It says:

Dear Kelly,
I'm so sorry I've been getting in your way all these years. But I won't be a bother to you anymore. I hope to find some peace wherever I'm going, but it won't be the same without you. Before I go, though, I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you. Live your life fully, and unrestrained. Don't hold back because people tell you something isn't cool, or because they don't approve. I sacrifice myself for your happiness, for your chance to take my words seriously. There isn't a chance in the world that I will be ignored now. And if I am, I hope you will make sure that I am never forgotten.
Always remember, nothing could ever have been more important to me than you. So live for me, as my dying wish, even though you hadn't noticed me that way before.
I Love you, Kelly! Don't be afraid anymore!
Forever yours, Adam.





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This article has 4 comments. Post your own now!

alikazamx said...
Dec. 29, 2010 at 3:23 pm
You pretty much had me hooked at the first sentence. I loved the way you described the different kinds of secrets. Keep it up!
 
alikazamx said...
Dec. 29, 2010 at 3:22 pm
You pretty much had me hooked at the first sentence. I love the way you described the different kinds of secrets. Keep it up!
 
maabeille82 said...
Jul. 2, 2010 at 12:01 pm
This whole thing is wonderul and awful at the same time. I seriously started crying when she opened the letter! Your style is sweet yet sad. Keep writing.
 
nancyloveswriting said...
Feb. 28, 2009 at 8:02 pm
This is awesome.
i wish i had the same talent that you have.
I really feel for this character, but the only thing i would have done to change it, is to make the fact that she "really likes" him, more defined, maybe make it love. and also, lengthen it.
but it's fabulous.
if it were a book, i would really consider reading it over and over again!
 
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