To the Girl Dating My Love

December 17, 2014

I need you to know that my world is in your delicate little hands, and I would have broken your wrist a long time ago if I didn’t think that you would drop him. You see, he is far more fragile than he will ever let you believe. His lock jaw is always matched with a teary eye, and no amount of scruff could roughen the blush in his cheeks. You must be kind, because he will do everything he can to make you feel loved. Please don’t let him shatter; it will deepen the fracture that I have already left in him.


He will buy you flowers. Change the water every day, don’t leave them in the sun without remembering that water evaporates and even if you had filled it to the brim originally all of it could disappear within days.
Inhale, take in the scent. This is what love smells like.


He will kiss you like your lips are his last taste of oxygen he will get before floating away into a starry abyss. He will be dependent, but so thankful for your soft touch. Run your fingers along his arms when they tense as he falls asleep, still holding you close. You will want to remember the way he clasps onto you, firm and protective. Smile at the freckles he denies can be found like music notes on the staffs of his cheeks.  Feel the way he flexes, his arms circled along your middle as though you are about to fly away.


Don’t fly away.


When he’s angry, and his face reddens, you will be scared. You will want to be sorry. Do not feel sorry unless it is your fault. If you didn’t do anything wrong, scream to your lung’s content until he caves. When his lips coated in apology crash into yours and he pulls your face into him with an oddly gentle hand that is still somehow demanding in its want of forgiveness, kiss him back. It was a simple argument, after all. They all are.


If it is your fault, try not to scream. Instead hold his face and tell him, “I’m sorry.” Add an, “I love you.” if you mean it.
Only if you mean it.


If you don’t want to admit defeat, don’t. He will cave anyways. He was always the better person. He will never stay mad at you for a long period of time. Remember what I told you, you are his oxygen. He couldn’t survive without you.


Look into his eyes when you talk to him. You will never see anything so beautiful in your life again. These are the eyes of a boy who loves you unconditionally. They are a bluish green promise that twinkles whenever they land on you. Notice the chocolate ring that encircles all those gorgeous colors and be thankful for its simplicity. How something so small could hold in such brilliance.


He will write you love poems. Read them over and over again until they are engrained in your memory. When it seems like you are both on the brink of explosion, do not burn them. You will want them later. Trust me.
I am only telling you all of this because I still love him, of course. I was his oxygen once, he breathed me in and refused to exhale until I tickled his lungs and forced him to release the carbon dioxide that is now me. I want you to know that I hate you. I hate the way he looks at you, and that the promise to never leave that twinkled in his eye for me is now aimed in your direction. If you do not love him, do not break his heart. Do not waste his time inhaling ungrateful oxygen.


If you do love him, do not run away because you are scared. I know that these feelings are strange and that you are petrified over the thought of hurting him. The worst thing you can do in this situation is force yourself to stop loving him. It doesn’t work. It shuts down your ability to speak your true feelings, but you never will stop being in love with him. I have tried.


Be careful, and treat him with kindness. I love him, and trust you to take care of his heart for me. Do a better job than I ever did or could, please.

 

To My Love,
I am so sorry that I didn’t change the water of the flowers. I did keep the poems, even though I already know them word for word.
Sincerely,
Your Carbon Dioxide
 






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