My World

December 3, 2008
By Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
17 articles 2 photos 9 comments

Headphones in, eyes closed. She swayed slightly and tapped her foot to the sound of the music in such a way that I could almost feel the beat inside me. She was across the street, sitting on a partially white bench with large spots where the paint had began to peel, revealing the natural wood. It was a cold day. The first truly cold day of the year. The sky was hazy overhead, threatening to burst open and sprinkle a dusting of early snow.
But she was dressed warm. Short hair peeking out underneath a black-knit cap, her delicate neck wrapped in an over-large blue scarf. She was stunning. She didn’t belong on the graffiti-covered, old gum-encrusted bench. But there she was, every morning at the same time, in that same spot, listening to music intently. The world was blurred around her, and she didn’t seem to notice it.
Some days she would bring a book with her. She was even more marvelous while concentrating, her head lowered, occasionally lifting her hand to tuck a loose strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face back into the hat.
The bus pulled up and I averted my eyes to look into the now luke-warm cup of black coffee. Without really thinking I took a sip, grimaced. I didn’t like warm coffee. The waitress was at the table now, looking across the street at the bus, one eyebrow raised. She asked me if I wanted her to refill my cup. I shook my head. She started to leave, then came back, her white tennis-shoe squeaking against the pea-soup colored tiles as she turned on her heel. She leaned forward, resting one hand on the table, the other on her hip. She looked slightly aged, perhaps from raising children, I guessed. But her eyes told a different story. They were large and youthful, deep brown.
“I see you in here every morning,” she said quietly, her eyes laughing like a child‘s. “Talk to her.” Her back was already turned to me before I could say anything, and I watched her disappear into the kitchen, then looked out the window. Too late. She was gone with the bus.
I pursed my lips and sighed, left the waitress a tip by the half-empty cold coffee. I gathered up my things, a ratty black computer bag full of paper and pens instead of a laptop, and the newspaper I had bought at a stand.
I tucked the newspaper under my arm and pushed open the glass door. The cold wind swirled against my face, kissing my cheeks red. My eyes focused on a flake of snow falling in front of me. I watched it, swirling slightly in the breeze, slowly until it touched the cracked sidewalk.
The world repositioned itself in front of me, suddenly covered in a whirlwind of white. I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets and started off down the street, drinking in the fresh scent that the new snow brought with it. Maybe tomorrow, I thought, turning the corner and leaving behind the little coffee shop.



Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 62 comments.


on Feb. 28 2010 at 8:52 pm
JohnnyDeppLover123 DIAMOND, Holyoke, Massachusetts
54 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
William Shakespeare

Yes, this was very good...loved it!!! <3

enigma99 said...
on Feb. 28 2010 at 6:08 pm
enigma99, D, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."
-Martha Graham-

This is such a great story!

I've been looking for inspiration for a story of my own... would you mind if I wrote the same story from the girl's perspective? I would give full credit to you for the idea, of course :)

Let me know! I'd love to do it!

on Feb. 28 2010 at 11:21 am
ClockworkLightbulb SILVER, Nottingham, Other
8 articles 5 photos 36 comments
This is really good, and I agree with what youve said about the ending - it better this way.

on Feb. 15 2010 at 8:00 am
ThunderLovestheRain SILVER, Brookhaven, Mississippi
9 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't fret when it rains on your parade...just learn to dance in it."

"Be yourself...everyone else is already taken."

"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes."

that was so good.......

Meli138 said...
on Feb. 6 2010 at 11:54 pm
Meli138, GP, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Like a bird with broken wings its not how high he flies but the song he sings"
"Everybody live like its the last day you will ever see tell me tell me do you feel the pressure now?"

Wow that was amazing! You captured it so well! And i must disagree with the person who insists that the story needs more. Not every story needs a full blown complicated conflict. This story captures that feeling that most people cant put to words. Good job!

on Feb. 6 2010 at 9:09 pm
LoveHappens PLATINUM, London, Other
27 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dream Like You'd Die Tomorrow"

This is amazing!! I like the piece as it is. There is NO need for any extensions. You captured it perfectly, and I know what you mean. Some stories need a clip ending so that the reader can ponder the situation. Keep up the great work :)

on Feb. 6 2010 at 12:07 pm
DallysGrrl PLATINUM, Middlesex, New Jersey
20 articles 0 photos 199 comments
And you're right....it doesn't need a total ending. it is YOUR creative choice, NOT anyone else's.

on Feb. 6 2010 at 12:05 pm
DallysGrrl PLATINUM, Middlesex, New Jersey
20 articles 0 photos 199 comments
WOW. That was really great. like, REALLY great. It is so strongly worded and sweet. You have a natural talent. WOW. Keep writing, please.

mckena SILVER said...
on Jan. 15 2010 at 10:46 pm
mckena SILVER, Scottsdale, Arizona
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments
I love it!!

on Jan. 15 2010 at 9:40 pm
kindyxkandy BRONZE, Richmond, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have to suck before you get to success. It's about the journey."

It's finished, its done. It wonderously lovely, and if you added more it would defeat the auro of the story. I really enjoyed reading this, keep writing your stories, and don't let anyone tell you when its done or not, your the author, only you will know. When you start molding your writing for others, thats when you become a sell out. Once again, great piece.

krzykrys GOLD said...
on Jan. 15 2010 at 8:09 pm
krzykrys GOLD, Baldwinsville, New York
15 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
i have many favorite quotes

the end is perfect! you dont need to know what happens thats what makes it such a great little story, leaving the reader to decide if he gets the girl or not

on Jan. 15 2010 at 8:07 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Ok, anyone who complains about this piece because it's "incomplete" needs to suck it up. This is awesome just the way it ends. It's beauty is in the unsure ending. It's different and I love it. (Check out my work too! Sorry to loiter your posts with my ads!)

on Dec. 2 2009 at 9:16 am
Sixteen PLATINUM, Jaipur, Other
20 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Its not denial. I'm just very selective about the reality I accept. - Calvin

the story is complete...IT DOESNT NEED AN END...its perfect!!

the guy's confusion and cowardness and longing is great..i like it..because now i can imagine wat happens 2morrow...

on Nov. 14 2009 at 7:25 pm
i really like this piece, and i don't think you should continue on it. i like it because it ISN"T finished, it's ending is left to be interpretted, (yes, i realize i spelled that wrong). i like pieces about things that seem insignificant, but infact are not. i like it because it's open ended, having an unfinished ending mades the story infnite

on Nov. 13 2009 at 11:16 am
Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
17 articles 2 photos 9 comments
Listen, if you don't like it the way it is, that's fine. I have a certain feeling about it, and I don't want to complete it. I'm satisfied with it the way it is, and that's what's important. I just don't want to finish it. Like I said, every time I try to, it messes with the whole feel of the story.

His problem is he cannot bring himself to talk to the girl.

To ME it is complete. It's done. That's just the way it is sometimes. It's not going anywhere else.

on Nov. 13 2009 at 11:16 am
Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
17 articles 2 photos 9 comments
Listen, if you don't like it the way it is, that's fine. I have a certain feeling about it, and I don't want to complete it. I'm satisfied with it the way it is, and that's what's important. I just don't want to finish it. Like I said, every time I try to, it messes with the whole feel of the story.

His problem is he cannot bring himself to talk to the girl.

To ME it is complete. It's done. That's just the way it is sometimes. It's not going anywhere else.

Jenna_V BRONZE said...
on Nov. 12 2009 at 5:35 pm
Jenna_V BRONZE, Saginaw, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is neither good nor evil, only thinking makes it so." Shakespeare

How can the point be procrastination? Procrastination can't be a theme. There has to be something more, a problem, a conflict, something! What happens when he procrastinates? Why does he procrastinate? That's what it needs. It doesn't have to be a long addition. But all that aside why would you have put up something that wasn't complete? It just doesn't make any sense.

on Nov. 12 2009 at 2:58 pm
Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
17 articles 2 photos 9 comments
That's kind of how I feel. I don't really want to finish it. Nothing I've written after this has felt right. It...disturbs it.

on Nov. 12 2009 at 2:56 pm
Chelsea.Anne GOLD, D, Other
17 articles 2 photos 9 comments
I never intended to finish it, honestly. I have been getting comments from people about writing more about the people, but I don't know where to go. The point is this: he procrastinates. He sees her everyday, he doesn't even know her, she just likes her, the way she moves; he wants to know her. I tried writing more to it when I first wrote it a year ago, and I've tried again, but none of it has felt right. I appreciate your feedback, but I don't know if it will ever be finished. That's just how some pieces are..they're not meant to be finished.

on Nov. 10 2009 at 10:50 pm
choirchic101 SILVER, Norwalk, California
9 articles 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
in order for God to use all of you you have to be completely broken

i agree with Olivia_B. it does feel a little incomplete. this story needs to be longer




Swoon Reads

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!