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Love can Suck

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His presence was like a wet cloth clinging to my skin. It was a strange feeling, but that was okay, because my body was a fever that needed to break, and I’d rather go comfortably and fade by the coolness of a wet cloth.
Her body was writhing on the ground next to me kicking up dust, the dust filling the air. I heard him cough and I looked up. He had blood on his chin, my blood, her blood. His eyes were frantic and then sad as he looked from her body to mine. That had been me, I had been shaking like that, looking like a mad dog, and he had watched me in that state.
I looked back to the girl, I felt guilty, but why? He had caused this, the lack of blood that caused the seizures, and the inevitable death. But she had no one to comfort her and she was going to leave the world alone, and afraid. I had this creature cradling my head in his lap, a creature that didn’t want this to happen, that I believed loved me, that is why I felt guilty.
I heard him shout desperately. “ Hey, c’mon please don’t leave me! I’m sorry, I didn't mean to… to do this!”
I stared at him, mouth agape, I couldn't close it, I wanted to but I couldn't control anything.
“Blink twice if you can hear me!”
I tried but nothing happened, my eyes were pooling with involuntary tears and he swore loudly. With heavy sobs he hugged my body and I groaned as he rocked me. He set his cheek against mine and as he lifted his head our tears left a sticky residue on my face. So much for a comfortable death. He leaned in again and I could smell the mixed bloods still dribbling down his chin, I was afraid he was going to try and kiss me. Quickly my mouth gave up the rest of what I had left in my stomach, spewing the warm vomit onto his collar. Dry heaves followed and then turned wet again, this time sending forth blood that I had felt pooling up in my rib cage. Porter sat back on his heels and let go of me. I laid on his lap and coughed up the rest of my blood onto my top. I could feel him watching me, wanting to help but also restraining himself from finishing me off. Tentatively he leaned forward, and I knew what he planned to do. Willing my arm to do so it sprang to life and my fist weakly slapped across his face.
“Lisa!” Porter cried pounding him fists on the floor of the cave in frustration.
“Porter...don’t be...stu-pid!”” I gurgled through metallic tasting blood, my eyes drifting to the corpse next to me… I hadn’t realized she had died.
“I can’t let you die.” He stated caressing my face.
“So you think I can let you die?” There was absolutely no way I was going to live through this and he wasn't!
“But this is my fault.” His clammy hands went through my hair and getting stuck in it’s tangles began to just brush over it. If I still had blood I would blush. He leaned forward again and this time I couldn’t stop him, I was paralyzed.
“Port, just…just stop it!” I pleaded through blurry eyed tears. Brushing the salty tears away from my eyes, he just stared at me. Then suddenly my vision blackened. A warmth slid down my throat and into my chest, it filled my lungs and heart. Then it seemed as if each of my veins were being squeezed at the same time, being pulled and twisted and stretched, but the pain somehow was a good pain, like a shoulder massage. All the same, I screamed until my throat was dry and I could only croak pitifully. Then the pain stopped abruptly, I could suddenly feel the rush of blood through my body, warming my cold fingertips. My eyes snapped open and I saw I was no longer in Porters lap but on the cool floor of the cave. I knew what he had done, and I knew that it could not be undone. I didn’t have to search too hard for him, his body was only a few feet away from me. Gathering all of the strength I could I crawled to him and took his hand in mine. It was like ice, not faintly warm like a freshly dead body but cold like he had been dead for days.
“Porter?” I whispered in a hoarse voice, my throat feeling like it had been rubbed with a wash board. I knew he wouldn’t answer but I kept calling to him. “Porter?” I asked as I pulled myself up to his face. I traced his jawline with my fingers. “Porter?” My nails moved to his thick brown eyebrows. “Porter….” He didn't stir and I didn't really expect him to. I laid myself across his chest and whimpered into his jacket until finally I fell asleep.



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